A fate worse than death~~A Finnick Odair story~~

54. Points

Unfortunately for me, Finnick woke first, and evan worse, he still wanted to talk.

Now don't get me wrong, who wouldn't love to wake up next to their husband and stare into his eyes, I know I loved every undisturbed moment I could get with Finnick, but this wasn't going to be a quiet undisturbed moment. Because I couldn't imagine that anyone, anyone in the whole world would want to look into the eyes of the one they love and tell them what happened.
What happened to me.
That I have been, been raped.

"Lizzy, what happened, are you okay?"
"It, I, it was..."
My sentence became nothing more than a jumble as my lower lip began to quiver with suppressed fear and sadness, so I resorted to shaking my head. Concern flashed in Finnick's eyes, but he quickly gathered himself. "Elizabeth, were you hurt?"
"That, it was Cory..."
That's how far I made it before the tremors of my jaw once again took over and the tears started to roll down my cheeks.

But Finnick didn't flinch, insted he took me comfortingly in his arms and pressed me protectively against his chest.
"It's okay, you don't need to continue." Maybe he would have understood, maybe he just thought Cory had hitt me, had I evan told Finnick about that?
But in any case it didn't matter, because I needed  to continue, for my own sake I needed to tell.
Tell what he hade done to me, what I had been exposed to.

"Finnick, I…He…"
He looked down at my flushed face in his arms before I regained enough composure to continue.
"Cory, Cory...."
I could feel him tense up at the mention of his name, Finnick didn't like Cory, and who could blame him, who in their right mind would like their wife's forced fiance?!
"Elizabeth, it's okay, you don't have to continue."

"But I do!!"
The words weren't meant to be said, but now it was done and I didn't regret it.
"Cory, he…."
Again a pause, a few short breaths and I prepared to say it.

"Finnick, Cornucopiat Snow raped me."
As I said it, it was as if something inside me broke, but at the same time I was flooded with immense relief. Tears streamed down my cheeks and Finnick held me. He just repeated one thing over and over.
"It wasn't your fault. It isn't your fault."
Safe to say we didn't leave my room for a very very long time.

We just stayed there, me in Finnick's arms and him whispering comforting words. It wasn't until he suddenly said something else that I reacted.
"I wish I could kill him."
"No!!"
His grip on me tightened slightly before he immediately released it again.
"No?"
"Don't give him the honor of being in your thoughts, don't let him ruin this for us, he's a dick and I hate him, but the best we can do is ignore him."
......
"Alright then, if that's what you want, I won't give him a second thought." "Good."
"Good."
And then we lyed, me in his arms, I felt so incredibly relieved after finally being able to tell him, after almost a week. I was almost sure we would have laid like that for the rest of the day if it weren't for one little thing. We would get our points today.

~~~

N

ow, uncooked last time, none of us had said what kind of talent we were going to show, and if I was honest, I probably still hadn't decided. All I knew was that the waiting room was cold, and time to decide was running out. But if I was honest, did I care what score I got? I didn't think so. I mean, after all, the money was there to get sponsors and survive, but did I really want to survive?? Could I live with the thought that my life had cost Finnick's, and 22 others.

Did I really want to live a life with Cory, knowing Finnick was dead, maybe even witness his death?? I had to admit to myself that the answer was no. So then it really didn't matter what I said. I wonder if it was me who thought that, or if everyone in this room here and now was just thinking about how they could most conveniently piss off the capital and the game makers.

I was snapped back to reality when Finnick left the gym and it was my turn.

Everything in there was the same, or well I had already known that, but I could have stepped through a portal to 9 years ago, only one thing was different, the game makers' small room, or well balcony, was now protected, a smale smile spred ower my lips at that, I saw in the corner that it was there, wonder if we should know how to spott them, wonder how I knew just that? Had I learned it in some old book, maybe someone had sacked someone at some point, I didn't know, but I knew why it was there, and the reason was sitting on the other side of the metal door, waiting her turn.

However, I liked to think that it wasn't just Katniss' arrow that did it, I liked to think that my spear had something to do with it too.

Someone cleared their throat and I must have met about ten looks. I saw it in their eyes, all waiting, all wondering what I was going to do. So I took a deep breath as if to prepare myself, and laid down on the cold floor and there I would lie until my time was up. It was cold as hell, but it was my only way of protesting, I smiled at the thought of how everyone would react when they got to see the big fat zero next to my name, how much monny would be lost, but I quickly noticed that thoughts in a situation like this became rather boring. So from memory I started to recite poems, not wery loudly, just to myself, but it kept me busy.

"She is wind, she is water, she is waves, she is storm, she is sea, she is land, she is will and she is strong. She is everything I love, she is my love, without her I am nothing. "

"As the water finds its way back to the sea, I will find my way back to you."

And so I lay, until the bell rang and my time was up. Then I stood up and bowed, and as if just to be damned I said.
"Thank you for looking at me this time before you dld me!!"
And then I walked out of there.

~~~

No one seemed surprised when Finnick insisted loudly, I mean why would they be surprised, not even me. The only one who seemed confused was Finnick himself.

It was only when my 10 lit up the screen that I understood his confusion.

Only when everyone else had gone to bed did he dare to ask.
"What did you do??"
"I tied knots, I mean I know it's good skill to have, but it wasn't worth that..."
He gestured to the now long black screen and I understood exactly what he meant.
"And you??"
"I laid on the floor thanking them for watching, I mean seriously I was expecting a 0a!!"
Now I was so upset I almost screamwisperd, but Finnick just nodded in understanding. We both felt that something was very wrong, but both were too tired to investigate further. Instead he squeezed my hand before we went to our rooms, neither of us willing to risk anything more than sleeping in the same bed once again.