Without you - Nikki Sixx fan fiction

Ch83 Candlelit ceremony

************ALL WARNINGS APPLY. This chapter has a warning about what to do when you find out your kid tried drugs so be warned.

Nikki- When I woke up again it was to Stormy. "Daddy wake up." She
said patting my face with her hand and I grabbed her up and pulled
her on to the bed.

"Errrh my little alarm clock." She screamed and laughed when I
started tickling her.

She squealed when I pinned her and started bouncing on the bed a
little. She laughed "Daddy you're going to mess my hair up."

I looked at her realizing she had her hair done and she was in a
dress. "Crap." I got up. "Daddy over slept didn't he?'

"Yep." She said sitting up.

"Is your momma mad?"

"Nope. She said you need some extra sleep. She said she picked out
your clothes. Their in the bathroom."

"Thanks baby girl. Go tell her I'll be down in ten minutes." I went
to the bathroom and locked the door. I took a shower and dried off.
I opened the medicine cabinet to get my medication and for some
reason I counted Beth's birth control pills. "What are you doing?" I
said to myself. I shock my head.

When I put them back I noticed a syringe. "What the...." I took it
out and looked at it. "No she can't stand needles." I was now
dressed and as I said I was trying to find my medication. I stared
at the needle, I was frozen there for a bit. I seen a kit there as
well and I opened the kit putting the needle down. Inside was the
little tie thing and some heroin. "AHHHHHH." I screamed and closed
the kit.

"NO!!!" I threw it at the mirror. "FUCK. NO. BETH!!" She opened the
door. "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? ARE YOU SHOOTING UP?" I was now
holding the needle again and was shaking like leaf.

"What no. You know I wouldn't......"

"THEN WHY IS THERE HEROIN IN OUR BATHROOM?" I just screamed and
didn't realize I stuck my leg with the fucking needle. "UH fuck." I
said realizing it and hit the floor.

"Nikki....." It was lights out. I couldn't believe this was
happening to me all over again and I knew this time if there was
heroin in there I was going to die. I was trying to think it was
some nightmare but it wasn't. I woke up in the hospital hearing Beth
sobbing holding my hand. "Nikki." I opened my eyes and seen her wet
face. She went to brush my hair and I flinched back from her. "Nikki
you got to believe me. I wouldn't lie to you. I never seen that
stuff in my life expect when we first tried it together." She put
her head down crying.

"Leave me." I said still a bit upset. She looked at me and I didn't
realize she was in this beautiful wedding dress. "I said LEAVE ME."
I said getting louder. She ran out crying. "FUCK." I yanked
everything out of me feeling pain in my chest from the Adrenalin
they most likely stuck me with. I sat there holding my chest and
Decker slowly inched his way in the room. He stood against the wall
like he was scared of me. I found out they actually didn't give me adrenalin and that I had a panic attack which they thought I had a heart attack which in a way I did.

"I put the kit in your bathroom." He said in a shaky voice and I
shot my head up a bit still holding my chest.

"What?" I felt like I was going to have a heart attack.

He stared at me with tears running down his face. "I only tried it
once. I swear it. I was going to throw it away. I'm sorry I hurt you
and mom. I just came to say sorry to you both. I'll stay at a
friends house till school starts back up."

"Nichals come here." He was afraid to move. "I'm not going to hurt
you. Now please come here." He sat by me and I pulled him to me and
held him. "Swear to me you'll never shot up again? Can you tell me
if there was anything in the needle that I put in my leg? Can you
tell me if it was a clean needle? Please I need to know."

He pulled back from me. "There was nothing in the needle. You just
were so worked up when you found it you flipped out and then passed
out on the bathroom floor. They said you might of had a heart attack
but they want to do test on you to make sure and all. You've only
been out of it for three hours. Mom's really mad at me. Yes it was a
used needle. I'm really, really sorry dad."

"Son you know that shit killed me but I got a chance to come back
and start over. I love you. You're my first born and I don't want to
lose you." I sighed. "I guess I owe you mother an apology. Come on.
Just swear you'll never do that again and I'll forgive you."

"Ok but can I go to that fire school? I'd be much happier there." I
squeezed him close to me.

"Yeah. All I ask is for you to be happy. Can you ever forgive me for
forcing you to go to Yale?"

"Yeah." We held each other for awhile.

I started crying because my chest wouldn't stop hurting. "Oh god
Nichals I love you so much. Where did I go wrong with you? I don't
want to lose you. It would kill me. I can't survive another death in
the family."

"Dad I can't breathe." That made me break down even more and I held
him tighter to me. "Dad." He said kind of chocking. I just cried and
cried.

"Uh god I'm a bad father. I didn't care about anything just getting
high and high letting it just eat me alive."

"Dad you're crushing me. I understand you had me at a young age."

"That's no excuse. I brought drugs into our home and now...."

"Dad I know why you did it. You are a true rock star dad. You knew
what you wanted and you went for it even if it meant trying to kill
yourself doing it. I just wanted to try it. I should of came to you
first but I was scared."

I let him go and looked at him. "I never wanted you to be afraid of
me and I know I've been hard on you the past few years. But
sometimes you don't use your brain and I know you're smart. I know
you're a teen. You should be out there in a place of your own doing
what you want to do. If you want collage fine. If you want the
military then your mom and I will just have to expect that because
in about 15 or 16 days you'll be 18. I want you to make your own
life but don't follow in my foot steps and do drugs. They will ruin
your life. Look how it all cost me to almost lose everything. It
took me Overdosing to make me realize I still had a life to live
here."

He pulled me to him. "You didn't mess up with me dad I'm not trying
to follow in your footsteps." The pain finally stopped in my chest
and after a while of just holding him to me.