Without you - Nikki Sixx fan fiction

Ch21 Falling from grace pt1

********This is about when Nikkis drug problem goes out of control. All warnings apply violence sex and drugs

Nikki- Well things didn't go as I had hoped they would. I was so
fucked up I couldn't get my head out of my ass to see what really
was going on. I was still depressed about my grandmother and my
divorce to Beth was even a greater blow to push me further off the
ledge. I really wanted help and I thought I could do it with her by
my side.

After about a week of actually staying clean going on dates with
Beth spending time with Decker finishing recording for Girls, girls
girls. I actually convinced Beth to move in with me. After all I
told her I owed her a house. Even if she had a nice one off the
beach I wanted them out of that area. Beth sadly turned me down
because Tommy slipped up on the phone with her. Saying he was looking
for me so we could go out together and party.

She knew me to damn well. She was disappointed that I wasn't making
an effort to go in rehab. She'd beg me and I'd tell her I didn't
need it that I had been clean for a week. She'd come back with 'for
how long.' I was discussed with myself when I looked in the mirror.
So, before the tour started back up again, I broke down in Beth's arms
in the middle of her living room begging her to please go with me.

I felt if she went with me that the temptations wouldn't be there.
She could never tell me no and in the end I hated myself even more
for even convincing her to come with me. She asked her friend Stacy
if she could take Decker. She told me she was taken a great risk on
me but if she seen me talking to a drug dealer she'd be on the first
flight back to LA.

I agreed with her and before we were to leave out a big earthquake
hit. After rescuing my little crack pipe, I called Beth to make sure
she was ok. She said she was a bit shaken up but her and Decker were
fine. I was still doing the drugs behind her back. I knew it was
wrong but when Tommy would throw my own words back in my face it was
kind of hard to say no to him and he was doing shit behind Heathers
back just to prove to me we were still terror twins.

The first two months we had a dealer following the tour bus and when
ever Beth went out shopping I took it as my opportunity to quickly get
my fix. I think she knew because I passed out one night on the couch
of one of the hotel rooms, we were in and woke up only to find myself
chained to the bed. With my manger sitting there. I'd be chained to
the bed with Tommy and we'd both would scream at him and tell him to
go to hell. Causing Beth and I to get in the worst fight.

When Beth and I fought I fell further into drugs. I didn't even
realize what kind of damage I was doing to Beth. She'd tell me she
was leaving and I get mad at her. One night around the end of the
second month Mick woke me when he poured a bucket of ice water on me.

"What the fuck?" I said jumping out of the bed.

"Do you have any fucking idea what you've been doing? You stupid son
of bitch."

"What are you raving about?"

"Beth is pregnant you sack of shit and what are you doing? You're fucking
chaining her to you like she's your slave. Do you know what these cops
are here for?"

"What cops and where's Beth?"

"You're not going anywhere near her ever again."

"Fuck you. Where's Beth?"

I heard a cop saying in the other room that if she wasn't pressing
charges on me he'd do it himself. I got really confused. Pregnant.
What have I been doing? I didn't remember anything and my head was
pounding. Mick grabbed me and pulled me to the other part of the
room. There was glass all over the room and I remember getting in a
fight with her saying she didn't understand that she never been
there before and I didn't have a problem. The same old bullshit.

She was sitting there crying with a fat lip. "I'm not pressing
charges on him. I got into a fight with a girl the other day. I was
a little bit drunk." Mick just looked at her.

"Tell them the truth Beth."

"That's the truth Mick. Just get them out of here before it gets
worst." I could tell she was lying, and I seen I had a black and
blue eye so I knew we got into a huge fight. When they were gone I
went to say something to her. "I can't do this anymore Nikki. You've
gotten out of hand and apparently you don't want my help. I
actually believed you. I'm going home and I don't want to see you
until you clean up your act. I deserved last night but I'm not going
to make the same mistake that I did the first time it happened."

"What are you talking about?"

"You can't even fucking remember. I can't watch you kill yourself."
I knew I hit her cause she wouldn't look at me and I knew my temper
had a habit of flying off the handle when induced by drugs. They had
total control over me and when she just left the hotel with Mick I
completely lost it. Still, it wasn't enough to get me to stop. Now
with her gone Tommy and I were all over the place and if Heather was
there he'd try to be good and I'd pull the shit he had been pulling
on me. The fact she was pregnant again didn't even register in my head.


Beth- I was more than willing to give Nikki the benefit of the doubt.
I knew it would be hard for him to come off the drugs and if quit
cold turkey I had a feeling it would kill him. So I ignored his
small little tapering off. He still kept his word about never
having sex with me when he was high so when I'd find him on the
couch in the hotel I knew.

Before we left out of LA to go on to this wild tour and after Nikki
and I fought a little about moving in with him. I wasn't ready to
take that leap of living with him again and I knew he wasn't because I
could still sense the distance in him. After we had an earthquake
Nikki came over with a bottle of wine.

We had a nice little romantic dinner on the back patio. "After this
tour is over with you want to go to Idaho for a little romantic
vacation?" He said sitting there staring at me. I couldn't believe he
couldn't see the fact his face was a bit puffy and he looked like he was
wasting away. Since he was wearing this black tank top I could see
the fresh track marks on him. He tried to hide them by getting his arms
covered in tattoos. Actually, he had one arm covered in tattoos at this time but I'm so use to both.

He had Decker's name tattooed on his leg and mine pretty close to his
dick. I sat there in this nice black tank top dress Heather
convinced me to wear telling me to overlook what he was doing that
it was a cry for attention. So maybe if I gave into him by giving
him attention he'd stop but she told me he couldn't stop cold turkey
without professionally help so I let it slid and just enjoyed
whatever good moments we had together.

"That would be nice. Maybe we can go when it snows. That way I know
you'll be in my nice warm bed." He raised his eyebrows at me. "Its a
little hot out here. What do you think?" I said putting my foot up in
his crotch.

"I think you've had a little too much wine." He said moving my foot.

"Frank, are you playing with me?"

"No, I'm trying to show you I can be a gentleman."

"Good cause I'm really tired of games." I stood up and started taken
the dress off. "And I'm tired of fucking wearing dresses. It's
driving me fucking crazy. I'm tired of acting all proper as if I
have to be a lady. You don't mind if I go for a dip do you?"

"It's your house."