Without you - Nikki Sixx fan fiction

Ch91 Always there

*****ALL WARNINGS APPLY

Beth- When the tour started it was around September of 97. Nikki was
excited about it and so was I. It took them almost a year to get the
damn thing down. It seemed the more Tommy was in the news the more
stress it put on everyone.

I tried to get Nikki to talk to him and it seemed the more angry
Tommy got the more it rubbed off on everyone else around him. So I
wasn't surprised when Nikki and Tommy got arrested in Phoenix. I
tried to see Nikki whenever I could. Every moment we had alone was
cherished. When we got the call from Tommy saying he was in jail I
knew he finally snapped. Then when Nikki found out about Lisa we
were going to see her. He was determined to get her out of the place
she was in and bring her home.

To him she was his last link left to the past. So when we got the
call about her dying he flipped out. After that day he was so angry
with his mother he told me he never wanted to hear the name Frank
ever again. He told me that after the funeral and he became numb and
anytime I seen him he'd be sitting there with a blank stare.

When he moved it seemed almost robotic. So he turned to me and
said "I don't ever want to hear the name Frank Ferrana again. Don't
call me it ever. If you do I'll kick your fucking ass. I don't care.
My name is Nikki Sixx and you need to start calling me it
understand. Don't call me Frank or Frankie every again."

"Ok Nikki. I'll try not to. It will be hard. You always..."

"I don't care. Get use to saying it. No more Frank. You had years to
get use to my name. I'm going out. I want dinner ready by the time I
get home."

"Whatever you say baby." He sat there for an hour and didn't leave
till I started cleaning the house. When he came back I got a call
from someone wanting to speak to Nikki about visiting Tommy.
Sometimes it's hard and I slipped and called him Frank.

When he hit me I knew he meant business. He took his sister's death
hard. He was so mad at his mother. I wanted to try to explain things
to him because I did a little reading. See in the 50's and 60's if a
child was born with Downs or retard the hospital would take the baby
from the parents, tell them it's for the best. So his mother was
right about things being different back then.

He wouldn't expect it and after he smacked me I decided it was best
to leave him and it alone. Tommy dropping the quitting bomb on him
was a even bigger slap to Nikki. So I had Nancy take the twins when
she went to pick up Ryan and Stormy from school and take them to the
park. I left Nikki alone in the hall crying.

I wanted to confront him but he spilt my lip and with his temper it
was best to just leave him alone. I went over to Tommy's to find it
empty all but his furniture. I found out Pam took her things out
along with the kid's things and was with an old boyfriend. I went to
the jail and sweet talked the guards into letting me see Tommy. It
wasn't visiting hours so I told them I was his lawyer. Tommy came
out in shackles. His hands and his feet both.

He sat and they uncuffed him. Since I told them I was a lawyer we
were in a room with no windows and at a table. They left his hands
cuffed and he put them on the table. I put my hands on his. "Nikki
says you're leaving the band."

"Did he hit you again?" He went to move his hand but I stopped him.
I shook my head no at him. "Tell me why he hit you and I'll tell you
why I'm leaving the band."

"He didn't hit me. I bite my lip. You know I do that when I'm upset.
There was a guy at your house and he told me that you and Pam set
Nikki up on a blind date with a girl named Donna. Is that true? Is
Nikki cheating on me?"

"No. Yes Pam asked him to take Donna out as a friend. Was she at the
house?" I shook my head no. "I'm not telling you. I have my reasons
for leaving the band. Read your book. Told Nikki he should read it.
Don't let him push you away. If he does don't push back. You better
go before they realize you're not a lawyer. Remember don't believe
everything you read or hear. You know Nick loves you with all his
heart. Pam sometimes acts before she thinks." He stood up and they
took him back.

I went home and made dinner for everyone. I noticed Nikki was back
in his office. I made his favorite which was lasagna. I put a plate
on his desk after I put the kids all to bed and a can of red bull. He
had his back to me but I heard him sobbing still.

"Made some lasagna. It's on your desk if you want any. Just tell me
one thing and I'll leave you alone Nikki. Are you going to set the
rumors about you having an affair with this girl Donna straight or
do you have something to tell me?"

"Yes and no." He waved his hand at me in a go away motion. "Now
leave me in peace." I didn't know what to make of the yes and no
thing. I stood there. "Yes to setting rumors straight and no to
having something to tell you. Now go."

"That's all I wanted to know. Good-night Nikki." I went up and laid
on the bed for hours hugging the pillow till Stormy came in.

"Mommy are you and daddy getting divorce?" I moved the pillow and
she got on the bed in front of me. I wiped her tears.

"I don't know baby girl. I hope not."

"Me too. If daddy leaves you I'll make sure any girl that likes him
gets hell from us." I chuckled a little and kissed her on the check.

"Lets just hope he doesn't leave expect to go on tour."

I held her and fell asleep. In the middle of the night I smelled
Nikki's after shave and heard him whispering. "Baby girl. Let's put
you in your own bed."

"Daddy..."

"Shh." I opened my eyes to see him carry off to bed.

"Daddy are you going to divorce mommy?"

"No baby girl. Daddy just needed some time to cool off. I'm sorry if
I snapped at you princess. Here's your bear. Go back to sleep
darling."

"I love you daddy."

"I love you to. My little Lolita." I laid there on my side and felt
him get on the bed. "I'm sorry baby." I turned to face him and he
ran his finger tip along my lip. "I.....I didn't mean to hit you. I
know it's hard for you to call me Nikki sometimes and some of that is
my fault for letting you call me Frankie but I don't want it anymore.
We have our own family now. Screw the band. You and the kids mean
more to me then some stupid band."

"I will try to call you Nikki from now o...." He pressed his finger
to my lip.

"No. I'll allow Frankie and Frank but only when we're making out. As
far as Donna you know we only had dinner. She had a few drinks and I
did kiss her. You know all this. Nothing else happened between us
because I love you and when she seen my tattoo's she freaked out. I
don't blame her. I'm a freak. I'm covered in tattoos, body piercing
and I'm fat."

"I think your sexy all over and let me show you just how much I love
you tattoo's. And you're not fat." He took his shirt off and laid on
his stomach. I love that man's body. I straddled him after I put
some lotion on his back. "Why did you go out with her?"

"Mostly as a favor. You don't remember? It was when you were in
rehab."

"No I don't really remember." I started massaging the lotion into
his back.

"Uh baby that feels nice. You're not using anything that will make me
smell like a girl are you?"

"No. It has some lilac in it. It's a new baby lotion. Helps sooth the
baby to sleep. Figured it might help you get some. Maybe that's why
you've been so moody lately."

"Mm. Donna's a nice girl. She could use some friends and she could be
your twin but she also has a kid. I love you and I talked about you
and the kids all night."

"Nikki if you do sleep with another woman will you be honest and
tell me about it?"

"I've always been honest with you. I am a man and there's times its
hard to say no but I will do my best. I don't want to lose you and
I'm sorry I hit you. Your right. I need some sleep. That feels
great."

When I got to his lower back I got off him. I sat by him and took
his pants off. I put my palm on his ass and rubbed down his crack.
He moaned softly. I put his pants on the floor. He spread his legs
and I got in between them. I put a little lotion on my hand and
before I put it on him I kissed the end of the tattoo where the
devil and angel was.

I kissed it a few time and made him giggle. "Your hair tickles."

"Now you know how my thighs feel when your little patch on your chin
touched me." I said sitting up. I started rubbing and massaging the
lower part of his back down to his ass, hips and upper thighs.

When I went down to his ass I made sure I cupped his balls. He
moaned "You keep doing this and I won't be able to walk tomorrow. We
have things to do. Like shop for food and...." I went down his legs
massaging them and he stopped talking.

"And what baby?" All that came out of him was a soft snore. I laid
down beside him pulling the blankets up over us. I kissed his
shoulders. He was covered in tattoo's expect his face, neck and some
parts of his leg. Stormy even drew a dragon fly on his leg and he
got it inked in. We both loved art. I had the crow/phoenix still on
my back but it was just in the center. It didn't cover me and Nikki
loved it when they redid it. They did such a good job that you
couldn't see the scares Lee left there. Nikki he knew where they
were though.

He knew every inch of me just like I knew every inch of him. I laid
my head down and fell asleep. I woke up to hear the guns Nikki had
on the gate go off. He triggered the gate up with guns and all to
keep people out. The only way in was through him or me. The kids
knew to never go near the gate unless they were with us. I jumped up
hearing them go off. "Nikki wake up someone just tripped the guns at
the gate."

"What?" He said kind of groggy. I put my robe on and the alarm went
off.

He jumped up and put his boxers on. He kissed me and we had this
agreement that if the alarms ever went off he'd get his shot gun and
I would go get the kids and go up to the attic. So that's what we
did. I held the kids to me and heard the dogs barking then I heard
the shot gun go off in the distance.

Stormy and Ryan held me tight. "Liz you can come out now. Its was a
damn rabbit." The alarm was off now and when we came down he was on
the phone. "Yeah it was a rabbit. Thanks." He hung up and helped me
put the kids back to bed. All but Stormy. She ended up staying with
us. When I fell asleep, I dreamed about Nikki throwing me into rehab.