Without you - Nikki Sixx fan fiction

Ch108 This is Life

********ALL WARNINGS APPLY. This chapter has another Brides song and has warnings

Nikki- Vince woke me that morning bring in Frankie. He wheeled in
the entire incubator. I woke up and got up. I hugged him "Came as
soon as I heard. How is she?"

"She's resting. She had to have a blood transfusion from me.
Something busted on her ovaries. They had to do a partial
hysterectomy. She's been in and out of it since last night." Vince
had some roses and a balloon that said get well on it. He put the
balloon by the bed and the roses on the table. He also put a bag
there.

"I got some change of clothes for you and her if you need them.
Nichals gave me the bag. It also has some clothes for the baby in
it. So what's this little ones name?" We both were whispering.

"Frankie." He looked at me and then Beth woke up a little.

"Vincent." She said whispering a little and he hugged her.

"Hey sweetheart. How you feeling?"

"A little groggy. You didn't have to..."

"Shh your family girl. I wanted to come." He kissed her hand and I
put the bead Randy gave me on the IV. It was hard to tell her what
that they had to do the partial on her and when I told her she
kicked us out of the room making Vince take Frankie out with us. I
sat in the nursery after that with Vince. Found out Robbie kicked
Mick out and he had ammonia so he was hospitalized there as well.

Since Beth wouldn't let me back in the room I either stayed at the
nursery or visited Mick. Vince talked her into letting me back in
the room with Frankie. So it was three days before I could go in
there with Frankie. By then Frankie was off the stuff and all but had to
stay under some warmers for a week. I had the baby clothes Vince
brought on her. I looked at Beth and stood there a little.

She sat up in the bed and patted it beside her. I sat somewhat on it
and she pulled me to her. I cried a little on her. "Don't cry Nikki.
I need you to be strong for me. I want to take a shower."

I pulled back and she ran her hand on my face. "I'll see if we can
get you cleaned up some." I got her nurse and they let me help her
into the shower. She was still a bit weak so I helped her to stand
and all. "In sickness and in health." I said to her softly. She was
hanging on to me and kissed me.

"I love you too."

"Uh baby I don't care if you have mood swings from hell I'm going to
be with you till the very end." I helped her out and helped her into
some clean clothes and they changed her bedding. That was when John
gave us the bad news that the thing on her ovaries was a tumor and
he wanted her to have some test done to see if it was cancer and if
it spread.

She got very upset and refused to do it. "If it was cancer you would
have got it when you did the hysterectomy." She said upset.

"No because we left everything else just took your ovaries out.
Beth you need these test. It won't hurt. I'm surprised you got
pregnant in the first place but I think that maybe why it took you
so long and...."

"No." She flipped the tray over and I took her hand in mine.

"Lizzy please." She looked at me and sighed. "If you have cancer
I'll be with you every step of the way."

"Ok but I'm not going through chemo." Turned out it was and when they
took her ovaries out they thought she was in the clear so we were
happy she didn't have to go through chemo. They did however put her
on a shit load of medication.

Some were for hormones, some for pain and some for any infections
she might have from the surgery. It was a week that Frankie had to
stay in the hospital and Beth wanted to stay there with her that
week. So she wouldn't go home till they let Frankie go.

The day we brought them home was a happy day. We took pictures all
that fun stuff. We were surprised at home many letters and cards I
got for Beth from the fans. When she seen them she cried. I thought
she was fine and was handling things ok. Two days after we got home
Beth tried to kill herself.

It was a week or two later, so it was close to Halloween. I thought
she was fine but she seemed a little depress. We had Mick staying
till his place got cleaned because there was some mold in it. Anyway I
knew she was depressed and I tired my best to cheer her up with
Frankie and all but it was hard. Anytime Frankie cried I took care
of her. I became Mr. Mom there. As I said on the second day they
were both home I was sitting in Frankie's room rocking her to sleep.
I had just fed her and changed her. I heard glass brake in our
bedroom.

"Nancy." I yelled and she came in. "Take her." I handed her Frankie.
I went to our bedroom and heard the shower on. I seen Beth's med's
all over the bedroom floor. I went to the bathroom and she was on
the floor with glass all around her. She had fallen through the
glass doors. "Jesus." I rolled her over. "What did you take?" I got
a little pissed off. "What did you take? How much?"

I slapped her face and she said "Prozac. I only took two." I got up
and found her Prozac. I counted it all and it was all there but
three. I ran into the bedroom and looked at her other medications.
She took 12 of the pain killers and two Prozac which was the
depression medication. I grabbed my med book and started flipping
through the book.

"FUCK." I called 911. She had overdosed on the pain killers and I
had to watch them pump her stomach. I was pissed as hell. She
wouldn't look at me when I came into her hospital room and they had
her more doped up. "Beth....that's it. I can't take this anymore." I
yanked everything out of her. "Is everything that fucking bad that
you want to give up? That's not the woman I fell in love with.
That's not my wife. My wife wouldn't try to die because she's a
fighter and she fights for what she believes in. My wife wouldn't
give up you hear me. I don't care if you ignore me or be mad at me
for the rest of your fucking life but I'm not letting you kill
yourself. You are going to get through this. You don't think I'm
depressed about this. Your not alone Beth."

I picked her up and a nurse said "You can't..."

"Fucking watch me. You assholes can't do anything but drug her more
and I'm not letting it go." I took her home and looked up a few
depression medications for her. I got John to agree that something was
better then Prozac. I remembered how Prozac made me feel worst so I
got them to put her on Wellbutrin which as a better depression
medication. I also got John to give her lesser medication for other
things.

When I got Beth home she just laid there on our bed and wouldn't
speak to me. So I put a glass of water on the bedside table with the
amount of pills for her. I put a sandwich on a plate and slammed the
bedroom door leaving her there. I fed the kids and thanked Nancy and
Megan for helping me out. Mick looked at me and got up. He went into
the bedroom and I heard him talking to Beth then he yelled at her. I
tried to stay positive and if it wasn't for Mick and Randy I don't
think she would came out of that room.

It took a month just to get her out of that bed not alone look at me
or Frankie. I was at the end of my rope with her and even if she
tried to shut me out I wouldn't let her. At night when I would go to
bed after putting the kids down I would curl up to Beth and kiss
her. She'd of course lay there pretending to be asleep. She would
try to move from me but I'd scoot closer to her.

Finally I had enough and started sleeping in Frankie's room. It was
November 24th a day before Thanksgiving. Frankie was trying to sit up at a
month old already. She had my eyes and Beth's looks. Stormy and Ryan
helped me out as much as they could. It had been two weeks since I
stopped sleeping in our bedroom.

Mick and Randy were in there more then I was. I was tired and was
trying to focus my attention on the kids. Nichals was furious at me
for that and wouldn't speak to me now. I tried to tell him that one
of us had to take care of the kids. He popped off Nancy was their
nanny and I popped off that I missed out on something's with him and
Stormy and he hung up on me.

I went to AA more then usual and tried to get a counselor to
help me shed some light into what Beth was going through. All he
told me was to be patient and to let her come to me. So I did just
that and for the first time ever I seen things through her eyes. I
seen the hell she had to go through when I went into my hissy fit
and isolated myself from her and the kids. I gave Nancy time off for
the holidays. I was thinking about hiring help for Thanksgiving but
I thought of how Beth took care of everyone alone in Idaho basically.