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It's been three years, and my life has flipped in ways I never imagined. I've changed so much as a person, grown in ways I never thought possible. Now, I'm a mother of two—twin boys. When I first found out I was having twins, I was heated. I was scared, mad, everything. But now? I wouldn't trade them for the world. Those little boys are my everything, my heart outside my body.
My mom's been my rock through it all, helping me raise them, especially on the days when I feel like I'm losing it. She's been there, showing me how to be a mother, how to love them right, and keep my head up. It's crazy how much can change in just a few years, how life can turn you inside out, but somehow, you come out stronger on the other side.
The boys, Zavier and Zaelan, are wild. They keep me on my toes from the moment they wake up until they finally crash at night. Zavier, with his big curious eyes and boundless energy, is always getting into something. And Zaelan? He's the calmer one, but don't let that fool you—he's got his moments too. Seeing them grow, their little personalities shining through, it's like watching pieces of me and Zay come to life.
Even though I'm doing this on my own, I've made sure they know love. They're surrounded by it. My mom spoils them, and my dad, well, he's wrapped around their little fingers. My brothers are the same—Ja'mir and Ja'zai treat them like their own sons, always coming around with gifts, teaching them things. And my girls? They've been like aunties to the boys, always checking in, helping out whenever they can.
But no matter how much support I have, it's still hard. Some nights, after I finally get the boys to sleep, I just sit in the quiet, thinking about how different everything is. I wonder what life would've been like if things had gone differently. If Zay had known from the start, would we be raising these boys together? Would we have found a way to make it work, despite everything?
But I can't dwell on the what-ifs. My boys need me, and I'm determined to give them the best life I can. I've had to toughen up, make decisions I never thought I'd have to make, but it's all been worth it. Seeing their faces light up when they see me, hearing them call me "Mama," it makes every struggle, every tear, worth it.
Still, there's a part of me that aches, knowing Zay doesn't even know about them. I've kept that secret for so long, thinking it was for the best, to keep them safe. But as they get older, I can't help but wonder if I made the right choice. What if they start asking about their father? What will I tell them?
But for now, I'm just taking it day by day, doing what I can to be the best mother to Zavier and Zaelan. Because no matter what, they are my world, and I'll do whatever it takes to protect them, to love them, and to give them the life they deserve.
One Saturday afternoon, as I'm sitting on the floor with the boys, playing with their blocks, I feel a pang of longing. The house feels a bit emptier than usual, and I think about what it would be like to have Zay around. Would he be here for their first steps? Their first words? The milestones we're reaching alone are both joyous and bittersweet.
