Volcano | Bangchan

Movie night

Everything went so smoothly that, in a blink of an eye, a year had already passed. 

My relationship with Seokmin was perfect in every aspect. We said the 3 magic words after he went to the USA for 3 weeks for the promotion of their album. The distance made me realize how important he was for me. I loved him. After that, I gave him the spare key to my apartment, so that he could come anytime he wanted. Looking at the time he was there, it was basically as if we lived together. He respected my rituals with each one of the boys, so I could see them as much as before. I was living my best life.

As suspected, my relationship with Bangchan got quickly better. We couldn't stay far from each other for long. And even if sometimes we would argue because of some strange reactions coming from him, we got closer than before. Most of our Friday nights weren't about work anymore. We were at the dorm now, doing our own stuff together. I stopped seeing him in the studio, because I felt uncomfortable about Seokmin. At least, at the dorm, the others were there. To sum up, everything was good, I was happy with my life.

Today, we were on Saturday. And like every Saturday, it was Movie night at the dorm. I was baking brownies with Felix. Minho was with us, busy preparing a cheesecake (no need to tell you why he baked this). Seungmin and I.N were playing Among Us in the living room, while Hyunjin was painting in his room. The dorm was awkwardly calm, and there was no sound except for the Imagine Dragons playlist softly playing on the speaker. 

"YOUR FAVORITE PERSON IS HERE !" Nomi shouted from the front door. Lee Know mumbled: "It was calm. No wonder why she choose Changbin, those two are loud as fuck.". Out of habit, Seungmin mimicked his leader and shouted : "Language Minho". Our evil rabbit smiled at me, took his apron off, and said: "I'll be back in a sec.". Felix giggled : "Kim Seungmin was a brave soldier. May he rest in peace.". "Or rot in hell !" I added, laughing at Lix's speech.

Nomi came into the kitchen with a bag full of sodas. "Are we going to ignore the fact that Minho is strangling Seung in the living room?". Lix and I nodded in unison, totally unbothered. What ? It was a normal day in Stray Kids' life. She put all the sodas on the counter, and started putting everything on the trails. "Where are the others ?" she asked me. I shrugged : "Not back from the gym. I'll text them.". I let Lixie watch after the oven to make sure the brownies were not burning and took my phone.

NIGHT OWL

Me : The boys are hungry

Me : And Nomi misses her man

Me : U better hurry

Night Owl : And no one miss me ?

Night Owl : How sad

Me : Of course someone miss u

Night Owl : Oh yeah, who ?

Me : Seungmin ?

Night Owl : ... Yeah, no. Ain't no way

Me : U right. Ain't no way

Night Owl : Anyway, we r on our way

Night Owl : we'll be here in 5

30mins later, we were all gathered in the living room. Tonight it was Hyunjin's turn to choose the movie. His choice was strange at first sight, the name was I Want To Eat Your Pancreas. But don't trust the title. This is one of the saddest anime movies I have seen in my life. Since it was a romantic movie, everyone in the room started to get closer to the one next to them : Hyunjin had his head on Lix's shoulder, Bin and Nomi were cuddled up, same went for Hannie who snuggled against Minho. Hell, even Seungmin and I.N were cuddling... their plushies. I felt a bit jealous of them, I wanted Seokmin to be there so bad. But he had a concert today so he couldn't make it. 

The end of the movie had my heart. I was so immersed I didn't see the others crying too. I started sobbing, completely broken by the ending. I felt a hand caressing my hair and gently pulling me in a hug. It felt so good that, for a split moment, I didn't realize who was doing this. I stood still, enjoying the comfort of being in someone's embrace. The movie ended and the white light of the TV brought me out of my trance. I was lying against Chan's chest ?! I suddenly straightened up, surprising Chan who immediately let go. I felt my cheeks reddening and stretched to turn around. Chan coughed awkwardly, and stood up to switch the light. I shouldn't have done that, it felt so wrong. If any other member would have done that, it wouldn't have been a problem. But because it was Chan, it felt wrong.

I heard Seungmin laughing as everyone was slowly recovering from the movie's trauma. Changbin wiped a tear and looked at Seungmin in disbelief. "How could you laugh after that ?". Seungmin shrugged : "I was moved you know. I just don't cry.". Han's muffled voice came out of Minho's neck : "You have a stone instead of a heart, that's why.". I chuckled as I put on my shoes and my jacket. Ji stood up : "You're already going home ?". I nodded and patted his head as he pouted. "Want me to give you a ride kitten ?" Minho asked. I kindly declined. Truth is I loved walking in Seoul by night. I hugged everyone goodbye, and promised them to text them once I was home. I went out and closed my eyes, enjoying the cool breeze.

 "Alright I'm ready, let's go.". I snapped my head to meet Chan's gaze. He had his jacket on. I eyed him, a bit confused. He shrugged : "What ? You really think I'm gonna let you walk alone by night ?". "Well yes, obviously ? I'm not made of glass you know ?". He laughed and followed me : "Prevention is better than cure.".

We started walking in silence, just enjoying the cool breeze of the night. Chan had a black cap and a black mask to cover his identity, and as a precaution I had the blue cap that Seok gifted me for our 3-month anniversary. We quickly reached Han's river. I always loved the vibe of Seoul by night. The lights that reflected on the water, the city lights from afar, together with the water sound. The mood felt poetic, some could say it was romantic too. That gave me nostalgic vibes, and the song 13 by Han started playing in my head. All the thoughts you refrained came at night, the feelings felt more intense. That's what I loved about my midnight walks. And I knew Chan felt the same. After all, I didn't name him Night Owl without a reason.

After 10 minutes without talking, he finally spoke : "Can I ask you a question ?". I smiled at myself. See ? The things you never said, the thoughts you hold. It all comes back at night. We stopped on the bridge, facing the river. "Go ahead.". "Why did you act like nothing happened after that night ?". I looked into the distance, thinking about the right answer. He did the same, patiently waiting for me. There was no need for us to precise which night he was talking about. The night Seokmin became my boyfriend. The night Chan tried to prevent it from happening. It was hard to put my thoughts about that event into words. But I tried anyway : "Why ? Good Question. First of all, because you ignored my ass for a few weeks after.". I playfully pushed him with my shoulder as he looked down, a bit embarrassed: "Sorry about that, I didn't know how to face you after what happened...". "I'm kidding Chan, it's okay now.". I became serious again as I explained : "But I think there was no point in discussing it. A part of me didn't want to know if the things you said that night were true or not. And a part of me was also afraid that I might lose you if we talked this through. So I just... pretended it never happened.". 

We walked a few more meters without saying anything. My words were hanging in the air. Chan suddenly stopped and grabbed me by my shoulders. He looked intensely into my eyes, as if he was searching for something. "Sooki. You will never lose me. I will not let you go, never.". Those words echoed in my brain. I couldn't figure out the reason why, but I started feeling sad. Holding his gaze, I whispered "Me neither.".

The intensity of that interaction sent shivers on my skin. Chan noticed and removed his jacket to put it on my shoulders. The warmth of his body calmed my nerves, and I gave him a grateful smile. He said, looking afar : "You must be cold, we should hurry to get you home.". Subject close, back to the present. We got back to much lighter topics until I came home. I should have felt relieved to finally close the unspoken, but somehow, it felt heavier. Why do I always feel like that when it comes to Chan ?