Volcano | Bangchan

I just really love you

I stood there, completely frozen as those 3 words were floating in the air. Was I hallucinating ? I blinked a few times, trying to figure out if I had heard this right. I even thought about pinching myself. I slowly turned around to look at the man who was in front of me. Chan's head fell back against the chair as he closed his eyes : "God it feels good to say it out loud.". I was stunned. This ain't real. Ain't no way he said that. Or he was talking about something else. After all, who would be surprised if he said the 3 words to his precious laptop ? I stuttered, not sure of my next words. "Wha- what did you just say?". He opened his eyes to meet mine. They were sparkling, I could see so many emotions in them. Determination, joy, vulnerability. "I said I love you Kwon Sooki.". My brain couldn't take it. I stood there, a few meters from him, with my whole body being numb. As I was left speechless, Chan realized he had some explaining to do.

"I wanted to say it for so long Soo. The first time I realized I started liking you was the day you brought some food to the studio. I don't know how you did that, but I felt inexplicably comfortable whenever we were together. It felt like I knew you for years when it was only a few months. But it was too new, too strange. So I tried to persuade everyone, including myself, that it was only friendship. But then another factor came in the line : the attraction I felt towards you became stronger and stronger, to the point where I couldn't resist you. Which laid to the night I kissed you. The very moment your lips touched mine, I knew I was screwed. That kiss kept replaying in my mind every time I saw you, and it's still fresh nowadays. But I was too afraid of the consequences, and too much of a coward to assume those feelings. So I pretended it was a mistake. It was easier for me, and I even tried pushing you into Hyunjin's arms. That way, I wouldn't have had any other choice than to forget you. But thank god you two weren't a match ! And each time we were mad at each other, we ended up together all over again. Because we were meant to be. And it took me time to realize that what I felt for you wasn't just a little crush. I had to lose you. Watching you with someone else, loving someone else, was one of the most painful experiences in my life. But that was necessary to make me understand how much you meant to me. You know what they say : You only realize what you want once you've lost it. This year of relationship between you and Dk felt like an eternity. I had to think about every action and every word to respect your relationship, when the only thing I wanted was to tell you how I felt. And suddenly I learned that you weren't together anymore, and it felt like freedom. Because now I had space for us. But as Seungmin reminded me by keeping me at distance from you, I had to make sure that nothing would come in the way. So I had a meeting with my manager. I told JYP about my intentions. I told Hyunjin and the members about my intentions. And everyone agreed, everyone supported me. In the end, I had nothing to fear. The only thing I had to do was to confess.".

I stared into his beautiful eyes, because it was the only way I could trust what he was saying. Honesty, pain, happiness, love. I could see all his emotions, raw feelings crossing his chocolate orbs. My cheeks were wet, flooded by my tears. All this time I thought I was the only one feeling that way. I thought I was crazy for feeling that special bond between us. But it was there the whole time : feelings, love. I was still frozen. Chan stood up and closed the gap between us. He took my face in his hands and brushed my cheeks with his thumbs as he smiled fondly. "I was impatiently waiting for the perfect occasion to confess. Until tonight. I realized that the perfect moment was that night. Us, just enjoying a moment together. Eating, teasing and joking, This moment defines us. I don't need a special moment, when each moment I spend with you is special.".

It was my time to speak, but honestly I didn't know where to start. "I've dreamt of this moment for so long. I never thought I would hear this one day. I truly thought I was the only one. God I love you Chan, I've always loved you. It has always been you.". Chan's eyes got teary as he heard my confession. He couldn't hold back and crashed his lips on mine. It felt like a million of fireworks exploded in my stomach. I had been craving his lips for so long. The kiss was passionate, full of all the unspoken finally said. He ended the kiss and pressed his forehead against mine. He looked into my teary eyes, and we both giggled, overwhelmed. I held his gaze as I whispered : "I love you.". "And I love you.". He took me in his arms and I shoved my head against his chest. He kissed the top of my head continuously, enjoying the scent of my hair after each kiss. This was beyond perfect.

After god knows how long, I parted away, remembering what I was doing before this unreal moment. "THE CHOCOLATE !". Chan raised an eyebrow, amused by my sudden yell. I grabbed the box and handed it to him. He took it with sparkly eyes, and gasped dramatically : "You bought me chocolate ?! MY LIFE IS COMPLETE !". He opened the box as if his life depended on it, and shoved one piece in his mouth. He bounced happily, shaking his fists. I sat on the couch, a hand on my chin. "I'm starting to think that the chocolate makes you happier than our previous confession.". He raised an eyebrow and eyed me playfully : "Those chocolates are good, but I'd rather eat you.". Blush crept my whole face and my eyes widened. "CHRIS !". He pointed his finger in my direction, smirking : "Here is my theory ! Now I'm Chris !".

Chan joined me on the couch and we stood there for hours, just casually talking and hugging. I yawned and Chan gently caressed my hair : "We should go home princess, it's getting late and you're not as sleep-deprived as I am.". I frowned : "I want to stay with you. And I can perfectly handle the lack of sleep ! Do I have to remind you the night I stayed with you while you were working ? Who fell asleep in the end ?". He raised an eyebrow, amused by my boldness : "Do I have to remind you that you fell asleep in the waiting room the day after ?". "How do you know that ?". Chan's ears turned a bit red as he confessed : "I may or may not have searched for you. I was worried 'cause you're usually watching our rehearsal.". I teased : "Aaaaw you were worried for me ! How cute.". We argued about going to sleep for a few minutes until another yawn betrayed me. Now we were in his car, and I was lulled by the soft music playing and the smooth drive. Without realizing it, I drifted into a peaceful sleep.

Chan's POV

I stopped the car and took a moment to admire my girl. How lucky I was to have the chance to finally call her mine. I delicately took her belt off and took her in my arms bridal style. I quietly walked by the house to reach my room. I was praying not to cross one of the kids. If Bin had seen us he would have for sure woken her up. I saw some lights coming from Han's room, but he was probably too immersed in his anime to notice me coming back. I entered my room and closed the door with my feet, still careful not to wake her up. I gently put her on the bed, took her shoes off, and tucked her into the quilt. After washing up a bit, I took my shirt off and joined her in the bed. I was lying on the side, enjoying the view. Her face was so peaceful, but I noticed her eyelids slightly moving. She must have been dreaming. As I looked at her, the corners of my lips turned up. "I love you so much. I can't believe we are finally together." I whispered.

As if she heard me, she came closer and snuggled against me. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her forehead. Sooki's soft and deep breathing calmed me, and I unconsciously synchronized my breathing with hers. I slowly but surely drifted into a restorative sleep. In that instant I only had one thought in my mind : So this is what we feel when we do something for ourselves?