Undercover Desires | G.Tomioka x Reader |

Chapter 26

Y/N sat in the corner of the small café where she and Haruto often came after work, stirring the spoon in her coffee absent-mindedly. The swirling liquid matched the confusion that stirred in her chest. Haruto sat across from her, engrossed in conversation about a movie he had seen recently, his face animated and expressive. She smiled at the right moments, nodded when expected, but her thoughts were elsewhere.

More specifically, they were inward, focused on the growing confusion she felt whenever she was around him.

She should be happy. Haruto was, by all accounts, perfect. He was attentive, always there for her, charming in a way that made most people instantly like him. He had been her support since she returned to the office after the kidnapping ordeal, a constant presence that offered stability in an otherwise chaotic life. But lately, when she looked at him, a part of her couldn't shake the nagging doubt.

Was this love? Or was she just trying to convince herself that it was?

As Haruto continued talking, Y/N let her gaze wander out the window, watching the people passing by in the dimming evening light. She wondered if they felt the same uncertainty in their relationships, the same gnawing question of whether their feelings were real or merely what they wanted to feel.

She cared about Haruto, there was no doubt about that. He had been nothing but kind and supportive, and she felt a certain warmth whenever she was around him. But lately, there had been something... missing. Something she couldn't quite place.

Her heart fluttered at the thought of Giyuu, the cold, enigmatic man who had somehow wormed his way into her thoughts more than she'd like to admit. She had tried so hard to distance herself from him, to let herself be free of the intense, confusing emotions he stirred in her. But no matter how much time she spent with Haruto, her mind always wandered back to Giyuu.

That day—when she had seen the woman sitting on his lap—had shattered something inside her. The pain she had felt in that moment had been so intense, so raw, that she had immediately thrown herself into Haruto's arms, hoping to drown out the hurt with someone who could offer her something easier. But now, weeks later, she wasn't sure she had made the right decision.

Haruto reached out and touched her hand, his thumb brushing over her knuckles, pulling her back to the present. "You're distracted again," he said, his voice gentle, but there was a hint of concern beneath it.

Y/N blinked, feeling the weight of his touch and the warmth of his concern. "Sorry," she murmured, offering him an apologetic smile. "I've just been a little overwhelmed with work."

"That's okay," Haruto said, his tone as understanding as ever. "I know things have been tough lately."

They had fallen into this routine so easily—Haruto being the comforting presence she needed, and Y/N leaning on him whenever her thoughts became too heavy. It felt safe. But was safety enough? Was comfort the same as love?

She wished she could just feel the same way about Haruto that she had felt for Giyuu. That intensity, that pull, had been terrifying and exhilarating all at once. But with Haruto, it was different. It was like slipping into warm, familiar water—soothing, but without the same thrill.

"I'm glad we're spending more time together," Haruto continued, his eyes warm and sincere. "It's been nice, getting to know you better."

Y/N forced another smile, trying to match his enthusiasm. "Yeah, it has."

And it had been nice. Haruto was wonderful—attentive, thoughtful, and always putting her needs first. But every time he looked at her with that soft affection in his eyes, Y/N felt a strange unease. It was as if she was playing a role in a story she wasn't fully invested in. She wanted to be present, to feel the same way he did, but her heart wasn't cooperating.

Was it love she felt for him? Or was she just forcing herself to care because she was afraid of being alone? The question gnawed at her.

"Y/N?" Haruto's voice broke through her thoughts again, and she realized he had been waiting for her to respond.

"Hmm?" she asked, shaking her head slightly, trying to clear the fog in her mind.

"I was just saying... I've really enjoyed spending this time with you, and I think... well, I'd like to see where this goes. You know, between us."

Y/N's heart gave a small, uneasy lurch. He was waiting for her to say something, to confirm that she felt the same. But did she?

She glanced down at their joined hands, feeling the warmth of his skin against hers. It was comforting, in a way. But it didn't make her heart race. It didn't make her pulse quicken or her breath catch the way being around Giyuu did.

"I..." She hesitated, unsure of how to respond.

Haruto's expression softened, his thumb continuing to trace circles over her hand. "You don't have to say anything right now," he said gently. "I just wanted you to know how I feel."

His kindness only made her feel worse. She wanted to reciprocate his feelings, to give him the same affection he was giving her. But deep down, she knew that something was holding her back.

Was it Giyuu? Was she still so wrapped up in her feelings for him that she couldn't fully open herself up to Haruto?

Or was it something else—something deeper, more intrinsic? Was she simply not ready for a relationship, not ready to give her heart to anyone?

Y/N withdrew her hand from his, folding her arms in her lap as she tried to find the right words. "Haruto... you've been amazing. You've been so kind and patient, and I really appreciate everything you've done for me."

He smiled at her, though she could see the hint of worry in his eyes. "But...?"

She sighed softly, her heart heavy. "But I'm just not sure what I'm feeling right now. Everything's been so overwhelming, and I don't want to rush into anything without being sure."

Haruto nodded, though she could see the slight flicker of disappointment in his eyes. "I get it. I don't want to pressure you. Take all the time you need."

Y/N smiled, though it didn't reach her eyes. "Thanks, Haruto."

But as she sat there, watching him, she couldn't shake the feeling that she was lying to herself. She wasn't confused because of work or the aftermath of the kidnapping. She was confused because her heart wasn't in this the way it should be.

---

That night, lying in bed, Y/N stared up at the ceiling, her thoughts racing. Haruto had been nothing but understanding, but that only made her feel worse. She had thought that spending more time with him would make things clearer, that she would be able to sort out her feelings and figure out whether what she felt for him was real. But the more time they spent together, the more uncertain she became.

Every time she closed her eyes, it wasn't Haruto's face she saw. It was Giyuu's. His intense gaze, the way he had always looked at her, like he was seeing past all the walls she put up. The way his presence had always made her feel something she couldn't quite put into words.

And that terrified her.

Because no matter how hard she tried to push those feelings away, they always came back. Stronger. Louder.

Y/N let out a shaky breath, feeling the weight of her own confusion pressing down on her. She cared about Haruto, that much was true. But was it love? Or was she just forcing herself to care because it was the safer, easier option?

She didn't know.

And the uncertainty was tearing her apart.