Undercover Desires | G.Tomioka x Reader |

Chapter 35

The night stretched out endlessly, the silence of the house only amplifying the whirlwind of thoughts that consumed Y/N's mind. She lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, unable to close her eyes. Sleep was a distant possibility, something her racing mind wouldn't allow. The soft ticking of the clock on the wall seemed to echo with the heavy weight of her emotions, reminding her that time was slipping away, even though she felt frozen in place.

Giyuu's confession echoed in her ears. "I care about you. More than I probably should. More than just as your boss."

His voice had been so calm, but behind those words, there was something raw, something vulnerable that she hadn't expected from him. Giyuu Tomioka, her cold, stoic boss who rarely showed a hint of emotion, had laid his heart bare. It was a moment she had never anticipated, a moment that had shattered her sense of control over her own feelings.

Y/N turned on her side, her eyes closing briefly as a sigh escaped her lips. She had been trying to suppress her feelings for him for so long—telling herself it was wrong, it was inappropriate, it was dangerous. But now that he had confessed, everything felt different. The carefully constructed walls around her emotions were crumbling, and she wasn't sure how to rebuild them. Or if she even wanted to.

Why does it have to be so complicated? She thought to herself, her mind spinning in circles. She couldn't deny her love for Giyuu, the way her heart skipped a beat when he was near, the way she felt safe in his presence despite everything they had been through. But there was so much more to consider, so much more than just their emotions.

Y/N's thoughts drifted back to the dangers that surrounded Giyuu's life. The attacks, the threats, the shadows that seemed to follow him everywhere. She had already been kidnapped twice, her life put at risk more times than she could count. Haruto's death still weighed heavily on her, a constant reminder of how fragile life could be, how easily someone could be taken away.

Could I really live like this? She wondered, her chest tightening with anxiety. Can I handle the constant fear, the knowledge that someone might come after me just because I'm close to him?

Being with Giyuu wasn't just about love. It was about accepting the risks that came with him, the dangers that were woven into the very fabric of his world. Could she truly step into that world, knowing the potential consequences? Was her love for him strong enough to endure the fear, the uncertainty, the constant threat of danger?

Y/N turned again, staring at the moonlight filtering through the window. Her mind felt like a storm—emotions swirling, questions without answers battering her from all sides. But beneath the storm, beneath the fear and doubt, there was something steady, something that hadn't changed no matter how hard she had tried to fight it.

She cared about him. She loved him.

It was as simple and as complicated as that.

But how do I tell him? She thought, frustration bubbling up inside her. She wasn't good with words, not when it came to something so personal, so deeply rooted in her heart. Giyuu had been so composed when he told her his feelings, even if there had been hesitation in his voice. But Y/N? She didn't know how to approach him again, how to say the words that seemed to choke her every time she tried to imagine the conversation.

What if I say it wrong? What if I push him away?

Her heart clenched painfully at the thought. She had already asked for time to process her emotions, but what if she took too long? What if Giyuu misunderstood her hesitation? What if, by waiting, she only hurt him more?

Y/N closed her eyes tightly, her hands gripping the sheets as if trying to anchor herself in the middle of her chaotic thoughts. The room felt too quiet, too still, as if the weight of her indecision was pressing down on her from all sides. She wished she could just clear her mind, take a step back from the overwhelming emotions swirling inside her. But how could she when the very thought of losing Giyuu—of not being by his side—was unbearable?

She thought back to the way he had looked at her, the rare softness in his usually distant eyes. He had been so patient with her, even in his confession. He hadn't demanded an answer, hadn't pressured her for a response. He had given her space, allowed her the time she needed to process her emotions. And yet, Y/N couldn't shake the guilt gnawing at her. Giyuu had opened up to her, and now she was the one hesitating.

She sat up in bed, pulling her knees to her chest as she rested her forehead on them. Her mind was an exhausting maze of what-ifs and fears. But there was one thing she knew for sure: she couldn't continue avoiding the truth. Not with herself, and not with Giyuu.

But how did she tell him? How did she put into words the depth of her emotions—the love she felt for him, the fear of losing him, and the terror of stepping into the dangerous world that surrounded him? How did she explain that she was scared, not just for herself, but for him as well? She had already lost so much—Haruto, her sense of safety, her peace of mind. Could she bear the thought of losing Giyuu too?

Yet I can't walk away from him, she realised. Not now. Not after everything we've been through.

The thought of leaving Giyuu, of distancing herself from him to avoid the danger, made her chest tighten painfully. She couldn't do it. She couldn't leave him. No matter the risks, no matter the fear, her heart was bound to him in a way that was beyond her control.

Y/N took a deep breath, trying to calm her racing thoughts. She didn't have all the answers, not yet. But one thing was clear: she couldn't let fear dictate her choices. Not when it came to Giyuu. She cared about him too much to let her anxiety keep her from being honest with him.

You have to talk to him, she told herself, though the very idea of it made her stomach twist with nerves. You have to tell him how you feel, even if you don't have everything figured out yet.

But when? How? The timing seemed impossible, the words tangled in her throat whenever she imagined speaking to him again. Giyuu wasn't the type to push her for answers, but she didn't want to leave him hanging in uncertainty for too long. He had already waited for so long, patiently dealing with his own feelings, his own fears, while keeping a distance to protect her.

He deserves to know, she thought, her resolve hardening. He deserves to know that I care about him too, that I'm scared, but I'm willing to face it if it means being with him.

The night dragged on, and Y/N continued to sit in silence, her thoughts circling back and forth. She knew what she needed to do, but it didn't make it any easier. Her heart was heavy with the weight of the decision, the fear of what the future might hold. But she also knew that she couldn't keep running from her feelings. Not anymore.

The morning light began to creep through the window, casting a pale glow across the room. Y/N hadn't slept at all, her mind too restless, too full of emotions to allow her any rest. But as the sun rose, she felt a strange sense of clarity. She was still scared—terrified, even—but she knew what she needed to do.

Taking a deep breath, Y/N stood up from the bed, her legs feeling shaky from the lack of sleep. She wasn't sure when or how, but she would find the right moment to talk to Giyuu. To tell him how she felt. To tell him that despite the dangers, despite the fear, she wasn't going to walk away from him.

Not now. Not ever.

For now, that would have to be enough.