HIS MISTAKE(2nd BOOK) | 18+ BL(BOYS LOVE)

NINETY SIX : NICK AND WARREN

NICK
He tugged me tightly to him but all I felt was fear.
When I didn't see him in my arms,I panicked.
I didn't think straight,my mind was a mess.
But he is here,he won't leave me,he is not like Me who runs away like a coward,he will stay,he will.
"I'm sorry",he says again.
We are laying on bed.
I'm holding his t-shirt as if I'm holding onto my dear life.....maybe I am.
"I will call Shepherd",he says as I look at him.
"You have to learn to control your panic attacks",he says caressing my hairs.
"Baby,whenever I see your tears my heart feels like it will stop beating,I can't see you like this,so let's talk to Shepherd,we will help you,I know we will heal,it may take time but it will heal",he says brushing his hand against my cheeks.
"Don't get me wrong Nick,I want you to be safe and healthy",he says as I shake my head.
Of course I won't get him wrong because even I know I need to stop panicking like that.
"Let's meet him",I whisper as he nods and smiles softly.

"What does this tummy wants to have?",he asks as he kisses my abs.
"It will eat whatever you cook for it",I say as he kisses me.
I sat beside the stove as he started cooking.
I don't know what he is cooking because I only watch him as he runs here and there to take some ingredients and he ordered few as he cooked.
"Your dinner is ready",he says while smiling.
"What is this?",I ask him.
"Red beans and Rice",
I stare at the food as I smile.
"Thank you",I say.
"Kiss me",he asks me out of nowhere.
I hold his head tightly as I kiss him.
"I LOVE YOU",I whisper against his mouth as he crashes his lips again but the pain just won't go away.

Why doesn't he says back?
Tell me that YOU LOVE ME TOO Warren.
Don't you love me?
So this is how it feels when the other person doesn't say it back.
In the past he has said so many times but I never said it back,does his heart burned the way mine is burning right now?

We ate and went to sleep but we both couldn't fall asleep,we both were good at pretending though.

NEXT DAY IN THE MORNING
"You ready to go?",he asks as I nod.
He pulls me for an hug.
My mind is ready to explode,I want him to say that he loves me.
"What?",he asks but I shake my head as I brushed past him.
"Nick",he calls out as he follows me.
He decided to drive as we arrived at Shepherd's clinic.
"Come in",he says.
"Mr.Santiago",
"Just call me 'Shepherd' Warren,you don't have to be so formal with me",he says as Warren nods.
"Both of you sit",he says.
"Why are you looking like you are angry?",Shepherd asks.
Psychological son of bitch.
"Help me not to panic when he disappears",I tell him as they both stare at me.
"Nick,I told you.....",Warren says something but I cut him off.
"Shepherd",I gritted out.
"Warren stay outside,I will call you if I need to talk to you",he says as Warren walks out,I don't wanna see his expression right now I don't think I can bear.

"What the fuck was that?",he yells.
"I don't know,all I know is my mind is fucked up so help me to fix it",I rasp as he glares at me.
"What is it Nick?",he asks softly and something Crack opens my heart.
"He doesn't.....he doesn't love me",I whisper as the pathetic tears appear again.
He stares for solid 10 Seconds.
"Why do you think like that?",
"Because he never said it back",
"What never said it back?",
"That he loves me too",I whisper.
"Maybe he needs time",he says as I nod.
"I know he needs time but I just want to hear it once just once and then I can wait for him to say as long as it takes,I sound ridiculous,isn't it?",
"No you don't",he says as I stare at him.
"It's okay to feel like that Nick,okay did you talk to him about this?",
"No,I'm.....afraid",
"Why?",
"What if he thinks I don't trust him enough?",
"Nick you are thinking too much,just talk to him,maybe that will make you stop panicking",he says as I nod.
"Go home,I have to talk to Warren",he says as I nod.
"I will drop him off,so take the car and go",he said as I nod again.
I went outside as Warren rushed and hugged me tightly.
"Nick,what is it?",he asks and at the same time Shepherd called Warren,I took keys from his hand and went towards the parking lot and went home.

WARREN
"What happened to him? Why is he not talking?",I ask Shepherd.
"Did you leave him again?",
"No,why would I?",
"Then how come he had a panic attack?",
"That's...because I left him in his sleep and went downstairs to cook for him but when he woke up he didn't saw me,that's why he panicked",
"He loves you,you know that right?",
"What kind of question is that? Of course I know",
"Do you love him?",
"What?",
"Do you love him Warren?",
"Of course I love him",
"Then why are you not saying that to him?",
"Because.....because...I Don't know.....I'm afraid that he won't say it back,I know he has said me that he loves me but in the past whenever I said that I love him,he never said it back",I say it almost like a Whisper.
"Both are scared of same thing",he says.
"What do you mean?",
"He's afraid and he panics because he thinks you don't love him enough to say that you love him",
"What? That's what he thinks?",
"Yes,he wants to listen to you saying him that you love him,I know you need time but just make him feel like you do love him",he says as I stare at him.

That asshole thinks that I don't love him,I'm gonna beat the shit out of him.

"I will drop you,come let's go",he says as I nod.
All the way to our home,I kept quiet.
"You remember what I said right?",Shepherd asks.
"Yes and thank you Shepherd,I will take care of him from now on",I say as I got down from the car and headed inside the house.
Quade is sitting on the couch as he is watching something on the TV.
"What are you doing here?",I ask him as he turns around to see me.
"Nea and Nick wanted to talk so I'm here and they are in your room",he says and I headed upstairs and I listened my name so I stood beside the doorway.

"When he disappeared,I fucking felt it in my guts Nea,that's when I realized how hard it must have been for him when I disappeared again and again,it must've been hurting him like bitch",Nick says.
"For 7 years I felt that pain,it was like death was consuming me,I felt like I was dying everyday little by little,I don't know how many years it would've taken for me to die completely",he says as I feel like someone has stabbed me in my guts.
"I don't even want to think how it must've been for him for 7 years,it scares me so much,I know he forgave me,but I know he won't forget it",
"You know he never said I love you to me after his return",he says as tears rolls down my cheeks.
"He was used to say though 7 years ago,that day on my birthday,he decorated the house,he even made a cake,he surprised me and he was about to say that he loves me but I fucking ruined it,I ruined everything",he says and I remember him stopping me from saying those words,he didn't wanted to feel Guilty.
"But 7 years has passed Nea,I told him so many times that I love him,but he never said it back and that's scaring me to death",he says.

"I know it must be hard for him to believe me or to trust me,but it hurts",he says as he cries out.
"I DON'T WANT A LIFE WITHOUT HIM ANYMORE BUT WHAT IF HE DOESN'T WANTS A LIFE WITH ME ANYMORE?",he says.
This idiot,I'm gonna kill him for even thinking something shit like that.

"What am I going to do without him? Nowadays I'm always conscious around him because I'm afraid one small mistake and he will be gone,sometimes I hesitate to touch him because I'm afraid that he might think that I'm here because I want sex,If he thinks that way then.....I Don't know what will happen to me. If he disappears this time I don't think I can live Nea,if he disappears then he is taking my breath away with him,I don't want a life where he doesn't exists,I don't want it",he cries as Nea holds him in her arms.

"Do you want me to talk to him?",Nea asks and Nick shakes his head,
"If he got to know about this,he will blame himself,I know it,he is like that,it will only hurt him more,I have hurt him enough,I don't want to hurt him anymore Nea",he says as he sits on bed and stares at the floor.

I wipe my tears as I go downstairs quietly.
"What happened?",Quade asks as I shake my head.
"Because I didn't say that I love him,that dickhead thinks that I don't love him at all",I whisper as Quade stares at me.
"Then say that you love him",he says simply.
"Just like that?",
"Yeah just like that,there's no right time or right place to express your feelings Warren,if you love him then you have to say it to him",he says as I process his words.
Exactly he loves me this much and all I needed was him to love him and now that he loves me enough to die for me then why am I holding back?
Fuck I'm gonna tell him right now.
But I'm still pissed though.