The Promise

57) Joe

Why are we even born?

Yes, our parents decide to do the deed then mothers get pregnant. People ooh and ahh at the baby then that's it.

Happy fucking trauma.

I lay sprawled on the bed in my room staring at the wall. Why did I break up with Talia? I'd be calling or face timing her now. Anything is better than staying with my own head. Alone.

I pick up my phone and check for new stories or photos. Nothing. You too, Aurora?

I sit up and exit my room. the house is quiet because the TV that nobody watches is off. I check up on my mother, she's asleep or feigning sleep. I close the door and sigh; something catches my eye or a certain room does.

I stare at the closed door, unmoving. It has always been closed, for 20 years. Mom went inside 'for cleaning', but I know it's not about that. Ali too went there, a lot. He never said anything about it.

I do, but only on 3 occasions; his birthday, my birthday and when I need to breakdown. Like right now, I think as I stride for it opening the door then closing it with a squeal. This door needs to be oiled since many years, but no one did.

I look around, it's clean and empty. I feel pure rage and anger towards the air and towards time because it carries scents and the remnants of people we love away. It can make us forget their voices, their touch, their eyes and their existence.

Omer always smelled of warmth, spice and vanilla. Ali of freshness, cedar and this ridiculous shaving cream of his. I on the other hand smell of smoke, soap and bad decisions. I smile to myself, "If you were here, would I be like that?"

I try to imagine life with him there, with us. Mom would be happy and talkative like the old times. Ali would work without giving a damn about who'll do the dishes or the laundry, but me?

What about me? Maybe I'll be something else, maybe I'd be worse. But all with him there, next to me; guiding me like he did.

I was only a kid when it happened, but he was my mother and father. Ali's too. I rest my head on the pillows and look next to me, imagining him there. I frown, what does he look like? I'm sure he looks good.

Omer was so beautiful as a teenager and as a kid too. He had silky smooth black hair and he always took care of himself. I smile remembering his words 'I don't shower to look good, Joey. We shower to be clean.' And 'Joe, Habibi scrub your feet, someone will come and smell them at night'

A knock startles me, "Joe?" I sit up. Ali opens the door, "We're here" he says softly and I nod. "Coming" I tell him wiping my tears away, I never had problem showing them in front of Ali, only Ali. "Were you laughing?" he asks, I burst out laughing again "I remembered him and his someone smelling our feet joke." I laugh wiping at my eyes and he joins too. "It wasn't a joke; he was dead serious." He muses and our hysterical laughing increases even more.

"Guys? Did you get insane?" Eliana calls from outside. We wipe at our eyes and I stand going outside, but he stops me wrapping me in a hug. I shake as I take a deep breath, "I miss him, too." He whispers and I nod.

I pull back, "Ali, I think I found him."