The Promise

69) Aurora

"Please, Ro let's go out. It's your first test and we can gather at coffee moon so; you guys can have your test."

I shake my head, "No, I'm okay. I can't focus in crowded places too."

"Ro, he's not at his place. Just come with us please, it will help you."

"I said no." I snap,

but she nods as if nothing happened. "No, Di I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. I'm just- "stressed? Overwhelmed? Alone?" she finishes for me and I nod.

Her face softens as she hugs me. My eyes shed tears all the time, even when I don't mean it. "Will you be okay, sweetie? I can ditch them if you want me here by your side." She says softly.

I shake my head, "no, I'm fine. Stay with Elio, he needs his beautiful mentor."

"You need yours too." My face falls, but I muster a smile. "He prepared me well for that." It's a fact too, I'm not lying.

I haven't prepared for this day or this moment before because I knew he will be here. I didn't know I'll fuck it up like that.

She kisses the top of my head then leaves closing the door behind her softly. I look at the time, still one hour left.

I get out my notebook and scribble as my therapist said. Half an hour pass and my phone starts ringing at the bedside table, I lurch at it when my face falls because it's not him. Why would I expect him to call in the first place? He hates me now and I deserve this, I don't deserve someone like him loving me.

I pick up, "Yes, Di." "Is it okay to get our friends to our place and they can have the test outside while you have it in your room? then we can eat all together, you know change the mood. Please say yes."

Dionne has been doing everything she can to get me out of my misery, but I'm just playing bitchy again. I sigh then I nod telling her, "Yes, yes, Di of course." She squeals then ends the line.

The front door opens and closes as Dionne calls for me, I open the door to be greeted by my friends, "Here's our mysterious lady." Aisha muses as all of them take turns to hug me. I smile at them then sit all together when the bell to our place rings.

I jump from my place by instinct, all of their heads turn my way then Dionne stops me to get it, "I ordered takeout, I'll get it." she smiles softly.

My mind is elsewhere as they talk and laugh, then Dionne comes back empty handed. "Who was it?" I ask, she waves is off "No one, it's the janitor." She's lying, I can see it. She always does when I ask about him and she tries to distract me.

I nod then head for my room, "I'll see you guys after the test."

They all nod and I close the door behind me. I feel my chest tighten, only ten minutes left. Tears start to slide from my face and my breath starts to quicken. I go to the bathroom then splash water on my face and neck.

I sit at the desk and pick up the pen, I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry.

– 7 minutes left.

I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry

. - tears blur my vision falling onto paper spoiling ink everywhere, but I don't stop

I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry.

I let out a sob then cover it with my hand.

My alarm goes off as the exam time starts. I open the link and start answering between tears and uneven breaths, "O-Omer." I whisper. "Omer."

"Omer." My whispers turn to chanting under my breath as I answer every question blindly. Every piece of information is there, I hear his voice as he explains them. But am I present? No, my information is just there.

I keep whispering his name.

"I am sorry." I mutter.

My breath starts to fade out, my heart beat is roaring in my ears and I can't see straight. I reach the end of the questions. My hands start shaking and a sob escapes my mouth. I can't do it.

I won't do it. I'm a failure. I fucked it up. Another louder sob escapes.

I cover my mouth because my parents will yell at me if they heard me.

I try to look at the time between my tears, half an hour left. I've been hyperventilating for half an hour now and I still haven't finished my test.

"Oh, God. Help me." I mutter. I still have 10 questions left. My hands and body start shaking.

I can't do this anymore. I wipe at my tears and force myself to focus between my attack and roaring thoughts and the voices in my head.

Not for me. For him.

For him. I keep repeating as I work between my tears as my breath fades, I feel like I'm drowning on land. But I push down.

I let out a strangles breath as my body starts giving up because of the lack of oxygen. I sob, "I am so sorry." I press submit and start for the door.

I can't see straight; I open the door "Ro?" I don't know who called, but I'm running for the door. I sob and claw at my shirt as I hear cloth tearing. I open the door of our place and ring the door of his. "Omer." I cry and the door opens immediately, I see him.

His hair.

"Dove?" I hear his voice and my body starts falling as he catches me mid-air. "I can't breathe." I cry, "Dove, look at me. Listen to me." He soothes my hair away. He wipes my tears with painful softness. "I am so sorry." I can't see him I panic even more. I can't see him.

I feel my body being lifted as he carries me inside. "I am sorry." "Shhh. It's okay, my love. Look at me. Can you feel my hands?"

I can. I nod. "Forgive me." I sob.

He cradles my body as he lowers me on the floor in front of the door. "I am not mad at you, dove."

I start weeping and claw at my chest, he caches my hands, "Stop fucking hurting yourself!" he strains out. "I deserve it!" I yell falling back from his arms.

"I deserve every bad thing! I don't deserve a gem like you! I ruin everything!" I strangle out.

I can't see. I can't breathe or stand, but I stand because he taught me that. Not to give up.

"I tried. I tried to write it out like she said! It didn't help, Omer! They reached 45 now and nothing happened!" I fall on my knees again.

Just like that he comes and engulfs my body in his warmth, "Stop, dove. You're hurting me now. Don't hurt yourself like that, my baby."

"Please forgive me." I whisper, "I do." He kisses my hair then breathes it in taking a deep breath as he adjusts my body so, I'm deeper in his embrace. His hand is on my face, cupping it as if he's holding a baby.

Not a single harsh touch, not a yell and not a tough word.

I look at his face one last time then everything turns black.