The Promise

71) Aurora

I stir and groan, my whole-body aches. I feel tears slide down my eyes, he's everywhere, I can smell him everywhere now. The memories from earlier starts coming back when I feel a callused hand on mine then on my face.

I let out a whimper, my eyes still closed because I don't want it to end, this dream cannot end. "Dove." I squeeze my eyes shut not wanting the moment to fade. More, please I need to hear more of your voice.

"Dove, wake up." I shake my head and that's it, I hear him chuckle as he slaps my arm lightly. "Wake up, baby menace." I laugh out load at what he said and he joins too.

"You cut your hair." I strangle out, "that's why you don't want to look at me?" he asks, God no. "You're the only person I want to see." The bed dips next to me and I feel his hand on my face, "Then open your eyes, baby."

"I don't want them to end." I whisper, "What are they, dove?" "Our moments in my dreams." He sighs, "Look at me Aurora, I look stupid talking to a pair of closed eyes too."

I open my eyes and I feel my lips wobble, "Will I be a bitch more than I am if I hugged you?" his face softens, "You're not a bitch, my love. Come here." I sit up as he pulls me in his embrace. "I missed you too." He says in my hair and I pull back.

"Why can't you make it easier and just hate me?"

"I cannot."

"Why Omer, I – I" he leans in to finish for me "were just confused and thought unreal and incorrect thoughts that by pushing me away, it's for the better?"

"I'd rather say screwed everything up."

He takes a deep breath and I look up at him, "Why?" I ask, "I didn't do anything to earn you, why did you lo- I hesitate and pause, but he cuts me through it. "Love you?" I nod, "come with me, dove." He stands and offers me his hand; I slide mine in his and he pulls me in front of the body-length mirror.

He makes me stand in front of it and stands behind me, he places his hands on my arms and warmth surge through my whole body. I almost forgot how his hands felt like. He leans in and tells me, "Tell me, Aurora. What do can you see?"

"A coward."

He suppresses a grimace, "Go on what else?"

"A mess, Omer. A total mess who does not know what does she wants."

He squeezes my arms to urge me to go on, I suppress a sob "An ugly hurtful bitch." I cover my mouth looking away from my reflection, he spins me to look at him, "Now is my turn" he says.

he looks deeply in my eyes, "Now tell me, what can you see?"

I look into his face then eyes, I don't know it's because of the lighting of the room or that's what happens when we look in someone's eyes, but all I see is "Myself. My silhouette."

"When someone loves you, dove they just see you, not your flaws and not what you see. What you see and your perspective of yourself is harming this." He presses his index on my chest above my heart.

"And this is my new home now, that's why you feel you're hurting me because you know it damn well and you saw it in my eyes, heard it in my voice and felt it in my touch before I even said it out loud." He finishes and I wipe at my tears unable to look at him.

"I just wanted some time. I wanted to be able to provide you with stuff that fits you." I rasp

"What do you thing these things are? Aurora, I want nothing but you. I literally got everything; the only thing I lacked my whole life is this." He gestures between us, "I thought that you hated me, which you have the right to. That's why I didn't- I -I'm sorry." I sob, "I have nothing to say. I have no excuse."

He lifts my chin to look at him, "Aurora I didn't even want a response from you. I just wanted you to hear it from my mouth." He touches my lips, "Those said no." he leans in looking through my soul, "but I already see it in your eyes, my love."

Because it's true, every piece of my body screams I love you, but my mouth cannot trick him and say it when I cannot provide it with actions now.

I nod and he smiles softly, "if you saw yourself through my eyes, you'd never say those awful things, Aurora." his face looks pained now.

"I'm a mess, Omer. I don't know the way back or how to get up. I'm so scared." I bite my lip to stop myself from crying, "I cannot trust anyone, yet I'm trusting you. This is freaking me out. My body acted up, but I didn't want to end us."

"If you want an us, Aurora nothing can stop that. Even if you weren't certain about anything."

He pulls my hand and backs up sitting on the chair next to the mirror pulling me in his lap. "Can you tell me why do you not trust a man?" I take a deep breath, "My first heartbreak was supposed to be by a boy, but it was the man who brought me to this hurtful world."

This fell like a stone between us. My head is lowered and tears keep flowing down my face as he stares at my face. "I'm sorry." He kisses my temple, my lips tremble "He kept saying let life teach them their lessons." I look at the ceiling, "but it was never right to do so. I went outside and looked everywhere for attention. I was a child in a grown body and a grown person in a young body at the same time. Can you imagine something like that?"

He nods, "I got hurt, played and abused by everyone I seek out because when someone is hungry, they eat anything even if it's rotten."

I continue, "I got tricked by every single one and I was screaming silently in my room afraid someone would hear me instead of running for them to protect me." I grab his hand and place it on my thigh above the place where I have my scars.

"Then everything shut down. The little girl became old and numb with the kid still trapped inside; unable to get out or find peace within." I pause, "I pushed away the only person who made her at peace." I murmur as I grip his hand, "You."

"You did not achieve this." He kisses my shoulder, I smile and look at him "You're like a diamond, Omer."

"You said that before, but why, dove?"

"Very cold and hard from the outside, yet very shiny and expensive, but it had to be put under very harsh conditions and maximum heat to be this untouchable."

I look at him to find him smiling at me with amusement on his face, "and you said no." he picks me up suddenly, I let out a laugh as he placed me on the bed and attacked me with tickles that he only can cause.

He dips his head and kisses the side of my head, I look up at him and trace his face ten his hair, "Why?"

He smiles pulling me to sit up as he crouches on the ground in front of me with his hands gripping mine in my lap, "because a woman I know used to cope doing this." I shake my head, "but I'm not like you, you are beautiful and you faced a lot of things alone. I did this from cowardice, Omer."

He kisses my hands, "Maybe I didn't, dove. I wanted to know what did you feel when you did it yourself."

I look at his hair, guilt lacing its way through my mind. He senses it, "don't feel guilty, dove. Let us grow them out again together." He runs his fingers through my short locks, I nod as I lean in to hug him.

I pull away after a while, "Can- can you give me some time? I'm already having therapy, I want to be ready" I stutter, he smiles "have all the time in the world, dove. I wasn't going to give up on you anyways."

"Forgive me."

"You didn't do anything to ask for forgiveness, my love."

"Please, just- just say it. Please"

"I forgive you."

I sigh. I hug him again; knowing that now I am determined to fix everything up again. I am the cause of this and I need to grow up to fix it. I need to heal and be a grown person because he needs a reliable woman by his side not a coward that runs away.

"I will not run away again, Omer. That's a promise."