seashells - l.h

fourty four

It's the 24th and tomorrow is graduation. I took off because why the fuck not and went to the hospital instead. I wore Luke's flannel and a pair of skinny jeans with my vans. I felt so tired man. So hungover but I knew I had to come in today. It was raining again and I heard a women giving birth down the hallway..

See I realized we were all born one day to die a different day. Nothing was meant to be forever. Love especially. Nothing was meant to last..I'm just not ready to let go yet. He's gonna spend his birthday with me in New York..he is.

I walked into his room and opened the curtains that surrounded him. Calum and Ashton were sitting in here with him also so it was nice company. "I'm guessing you guys aren't going back to school?" I asked taking a seat next to Luke's bed. "We might go tomorrow, but we aren't going to Prom.." Ash said. "He was planning on asking you, Lily." Calum said. I couldn't help but have my voice crack letting out a faint whimper. "I'm not going to prom." I sighed. "I'm not going if he won't be there."

"Hey I heard what happened at lunch yesterday. People were tweeting about it. You made some people feel so bad some even deactivated." Calum said. "That was my full intention." I said. I rested my arms on the bed's arm rest and stared up at him. "Every time I come here I expect for him to just open his eyes and shoot me a smile. I wish I can hear him say he loves me one last time before he goes." I sighed. "He loved you before he even got to know you. I remember he came to us one day and said 'guys I met this girl and I felt something.' He loves you a lot." Ashton said cracking a faint smile. I put my hand over Luke's and sighed. "Luke wake up please.." I whispered. "My heart is so broken.." I cried. "You're in such bad condition and I don't know what to do to help anymore. I drank so much alcohol yesterday I nearly passed out..I know that if you were here here, you would've yelled at me..but I know you wouldn't go near breaking up with me, Luke." I cried. "At this point I would rather have you break up with me then die.." I cried harder. "I've been tempted to start my old habits..but I haven't." Ashton said. I looked up at him and smiled. "Don't crack." I said. "You did, though." He let a tear fall. "Well.." I said looking down at his hands. The doctor then walked in and gave us a somewhat warm smile. "How are you all holding up?" He asked us. "We're all breaking, doc." I said. "We have to hope for the best.." He said. I looked at the window which was being beat on by all the rain. "It's been raining for days, doc" I said. He frowned and gave me a pat on the back. "He'll be okay." He said before leaving the room. "It's been raining for so long." I sighed. "Hey now that we're all here..can I ask you two a question?" I sat up. "Sure." Ash said. "Are you guys..uh.., gay?" I asked. "No.? Why would you think we're gay?" Calum laughed. "Because I saw you at dinner a few months ago with Luke and then in the grocery store with Ash holding hands or something." I asked slightly confused. "Noooo oh my god, we were at the dinner place because Ash had a date with a girl and I was helping him practice, and the grocery store thing, I did that with him to show him what he needs to do with the girl he likes. We're both straight I swear." He laughed. Damn, when Luke wakes up I have a lot to tell him then.

"Okay I believe you." I said looking back at the floor. "I'm actually going to a party tonight to get my mind off this..wanna come?" Calum asked. "Yeah sure." I said. "I'm going out for a smoke." Calum said. "Can I ..can I have one?" I asked getting up with him. "Luke told me you don't do that kind of stuff." He said. "I need one." I sighed. "Sure, fine, here." He said handing me an unlit cigarette. "We'll be back." Calum said to Ash who was praying by the window. Ash didn't answer so we went outside under the massive awning on the hospital and stood under it by the electrical doors. He lit my cigarette and then his own and we began smoking. "I only smoke when I'm under pressure." Calum said. "Luke hated it. I'm sure he'll hate it even more knowing I'm enabling you." He added on chuckling. "At this point, I'm cracked." I said puffing and coughing. "The party your going to is gonna have a lot of coke and pot.." He said. "Great." I said looking at him, eyes red and smiling. "Luke'll kill me." He said blowing smoke out.