seashells - l.h

fourty six

My parents didn't want me to go back to the hospital. They don't want me to seem him constantly getting worse. He's in a coma, how much worse can it get them that? It's been three weeks going on four since he's been awake and well. It's been one week since I've seen him..my parents refuse to let me out and they hid the car keys so I can't figure out a way to get there. My bike is trashed and the wheels are out of air and I refuse to walk..too much energy in which I have none. I just sat there in the company of myself and grieved. My parents haven't gone to work this week to make sure I'm okay and not doing anymore drugs. For what they don't know is I have a box of cigarettes in my dresser.

I got up from my bed and walked over to the dresser, pulling out the drawer and searching the bottom for the box I left. I pulled it out along with one cigarette and a lighter. I went by my window, lit it, then started smoking. Man I bet if Luke was physically here he would rip into me and give me a whole lesson on why smoking is bad and that it causes cancer. See there's a little uh..problem. I wouldn't smoke if Luke was physically here. The thought wouldn't cross my mind..

But there's another problem. Luke isn't here.

I nearly got bored with the killer that was in between my chapped lips and flicked it out the window. I shut the window and headed towards the door.

It's been a week since I've seen him, I'm going nuts.

I went downstairs and walked into the living room where I saw my parents talking to Luke's parents. I walked towards them and nearly startled my mom. It's laugh worthy, but lately I haven't even been able to smile without crying. "What's going on?" I asked emotionlessly. "Cops told us that the driver was highly intoxicated with alcohol." His mom said. See I couldn't even tell wether I was happy or sad.

Happy the driver isn't here, sad for the drivers family, happy Luke isn't dead, sad he could die..my life is a roller coaster of fun yeah?

"I'm gonna go to the beach." I said opening the front door and leaving. I feel that my parents didn't really wanna stop me considering I've been in the house all week. I went down to the familiar path and walked slowly down the sand..until I saw a bright yellow sign that said "NO TRESPASSERS" what is this? No trespassers ? This beach has been abandoned for the longest fucking time who the fuck is gonna come here other then me and Luke?

THIS IS GREAT, REALLY. ITS BEEN RAINING FOR WEEKS, THE BEACH IS FUCKING CLOSED, MY BOYFRIEND IS IN A COMA FOR NEARLY A MONTH...please God give me a break..

The sandy part of the path was still open for me and there were lovely seashells there..so I figured it's not all that bad if I still have access to the seashells..right?

I picked up a peach colored shell and smiled in memory of Luke. I put it in my pocket and walked off the path and to the front of my house. Looked around for a possible way to leave..and with my luck, there was a scooter at the edge of my house's lawn. I don't give a fuck if that scooter belongs to the little brat next door, it's mine now. I ran towards it, picked it up, grasped the two metal bars and rode it left of my house. I was going to Luke's house.

***

I threw the scooter on his lawn and ran into his house and up the stairs to his room. Everything is thrown..books scattered across the floor..guitar strings ripped off the guitar..bed sheets on the floor, curtain was pulled off..how mad could he have possibly been?..

I decided that since I was here I would clean his room a bit..I'm sure this whole mess is a bad memory to his parents. I took the guitar strings that were on the floor and put them in the opening of the guitar and pressed the instrument against his wall. I picked up his bedsheets and made his bed...I picked up the books and put them back in the bookshelf, and even I had finished cleaning I walked over to his bed and sat on the edge. I saw near his bed he had a picture of us taken a few months ago in a pretty off white frame.

I took the seashell out of my pocket and set it down gently on his nightstand and left. That whole room was just a bad memory that he may or may not wake up.

I left the house and went back to mine..I couldn't even cry and that's what shocked me. I had been all cried out..

My parents came rushing out after me and checked my eyes to see if I had been high or not in which I wasn't.. "Can I please use your car keys..I need to go check up on Luke." I sighed asking mom. "Whenever you come back from seeing him you do bad things, Lily." She sighed pressing her hand against her forehead. "I won't I promise." I stuck my hands out and begged. "Okay fine here." She dropped the keys in my hands and I ran towards the car. I hopped in, stuck the keys in, turned the ignition on and raced to the hospital. Calum and Ashton were probably there..

***

I was making my way over to Luke's room and saw Ashton was sitting by the hospital window and had his head leaned against his two pressed hands..he was praying. I didn't bother him, I went straight to Luke's room and saw Calum had been sitting in the chair beside him sleeping. I didn't disturb him either. Luke had still been horribly bruised, his eyelids, his cheeks, everywhere he was still bruised. I went near Luke, leaned over and pressed my lips extremely delicately on his head. I went back and I mistakenly tripped causing Calum to wake up. "You scared me." He chuckled. "Any movement?" I asked. "No but um..im sorry about what happened at the party." He said. "It's okay. I got into those habits on my own anyways." I faintly smiled. "Yeah but it's my fault for bringing you there." He sighed. "Don't stress it please. Anyways." I said before Ashton came back into the room biting on his fingernail. "Oh hey.." He said. "Hi." I said sitting on the floor in front of Luke's bed. "Anything new?" Ash asked. "They closed our beach." I said not realizing my voice cracked. "...Where've you been all week?.." Ashton asked. "Parents kept me in at home in case I ran off again and got high. I do that a lot whenever I come here. I run off and get high. I know Luke would kill me if he knew." I laughed at the thought of him. "Everyone makes mistakes." Calum said. "My mistake is a habit. I know what I'm doing I just don't wanna stop." I said looking down on the floor. "I don't know wether or not I should go to New York or if I should wait." I said. "I think you should wait a little longer." Calum said. "I have to go look for a house and check out the community college there in the city." I said. "Wait at least until August..hopefully he'll be awake by then." Ashton said. "That's two months from now, nearly." I said. "Just wait." Calum said.

Waiting was all I fucking did and lately I've gotten used to it.

Just wake up, Luke...please.