Them. | The Final Installment of the Him Series | Joe Jonas Fanfiction

Twenty Five.

I'd like to be able to know exactly how long I've been stuck in here. My guess is a few days, at least. Then again, when you're sitting handcuffed to a bed, it's hard to tell how long you've been wandering around in your own mind. I assume my thoughts are just like any other mother's thoughts if they were trapped in an underground bunker with no communication to the outside world.

Will I ever see my children again? Are they okay? Is my husband okay? Are my friends looking for me? Do they have any leads? I hope they don't think I ran off on purpose... I mean, I did run away from Joe and the girls on purpose, but they know I had no other choice, and it was to keep my family safe. Plus, I left letters. I would've done the same thing for my friends if I had to leave without saying anything. No. They know I'm not gone on purpose. I wonder if anyone has reached out to Joe... to see if I went home or something. Again, I don't think they would. I would've told them, somehow. I would've reached out by now. Then again, I could just be losing my mind. For all I know it's only been a few hours and I'm going clinically insane just from the idea of disappearing from everyone and no one noticing.

Which brings me to something I haven't even allowed myself to think about yet... Londyn. I cannot believe she disobeyed my request and has been talking to Joe for who the hell knows how long now. I specifically told her that I didn't want her to talk to him unless it was an emergency. And I meant an emergency that put his life at risk, not mine. The accident, not what I mean. Nor was the poisoning. Plus, I am almost positive they had begun talking prior to that. I mean, he said he caught her. First of all, how the hell did he catch her? Londyn's one of the best. I guess something of mine rubbed off on him. Knowing everything and being aware of what's going on, he's paying more attention to everything around him. Thank God. That makes me feel better about him and the girls by itself. He picked some things up from me. Some things that could very well save his life, as well as the girls', if I don't make it out of this god forsaken bunker.

I know I shouldn't be too hard on Londyn. I mean, Joe did learn how to be aware from me. I taught him years ago. He's never had to put it into use until now but thankfully he remembered how and is doing well with it. I know he probably made her feel bad saying it wasn't fair that I get to know how they are and he doesn't get to know if I'm okay... fucker. He's so good with words, it's annoying as hell. I have no doubt he made her feel guilty and that's why she agreed. His puppy dog eyes and all. She's a sucker when it comes to family and love. I should've known she'd give in if he'd somehow catch her. She seems all badass and tough, and she is... but she's also a complete softy. Shame on me, I suppose. But she knows better. I specifically gave instructions. She disobeyed them. I don't know how the fuck to feel right now.

What's Joe going to tell the girls if I never make it out of here? I mean, I gave him that letter for when Delphine turns eighteen. But that's years from now. What's he going to tell them in the meantime? Mommy didn't make it back home after trying to protect you two for four months. That sounds believable. They'd hate me by the time they're six. They probably hate me already. I mean, I did abandon them. I'm the worst fucking mom in the entire world. I did the one thing I never wanted to fucking do. The one thing I never wanted my girls to feel, I made them feel. I'm such a fucking idiot. It's honestly probably best that I never end up going back anyway. They're probably better off. I mean, that's what I always thought, for the first half of Willa's life, I knew that I wasn't meant to be a mom. I knew that somehow I'd just fuck it up and here I am, in the midst of fucking it up. How could I be so stupid? How could I be so naive to think that I could actually figure this out and make it home to them? I haven't done any of this in years and I was just going to show up and boom have all the answers? It doesn't work like that, and I knew it.

Maybe this really was just an excuse for me to escape. Subconsciously. Maybe I knew that I wasn't able to do this and so I ruined it for myself. Instead of staying and figuring it out I convinced myself that I had to leave when in reality it was just a dumbass excuse for me to ruin my relationship with my children and be right about myself as a mother all along. I was never supposed to-