Them. | The Final Installment of the Him Series | Joe Jonas Fanfiction

Forty Three.

I've never really understood the big deal around the fourth of July. I mean, granted, yes I know what is being celebrated and woo go independence but growing up, it was never a huge deal. When I met Joe is really when I started celebrating. The cook-out, the fireworks, the family gathering... it just wasn't something I was used to before Joe came into my life. And then we had kids. And all I can say is thank God they aren't scared of fireworks. I've seen some kids terrified. Then again, our girls have been used to hearing and seeing them with their daddy being on stage. They've grown into the little girls they are now with them. It's normal to them. Which kind of brings the excitement away from Fourth of July, if I'm being honest. I mean, come on, they see the fireworks all the time anyway, why would we need to try and get them all excited to stay up for them?

On the other hand, the girls are officially back on their east coast schedules, not so much struggling to stay up until bedtime anymore, but more so struggling to stay in bed late enough for mommy and daddy to get any sleep at all. Then again I guess if we had planned birthday parties ahead of time instead of letting it slip our mind and weren't trying to get pregnant it would probably be a little easier.

The past few days have been weird. I had been doing so well, I guess being so distracted with life and being back with the girls. Living in this little bubble of happiness with Joe, having more sex than is probably appropriate for us as parents of two small children. What had become hard, pushing my fears away, had then become really easy. Almost like a wall had been put up in my brain and all the fears were barricaded behind it... but then we started planning the birthday parties and well, the last time I had one I had gotten a threat. It's been putting me on edge. I don't know how to get past it, if I'm honest. I'm so afraid that something is going to happen during the party. It would be the perfect opportunity and it's not like I've been paying a lot of attention to see any signs or warnings. I just can't wrap my head around the idea that Jason did it all himself. I can't bring myself to believe it. It doesn't sit right with me; it doesn't make sense. He's never been good at any of it and then all of a sudden he's good enough to pull off this elaborate ass scheme just to separate me from my kids. I don't buy it, no matter what anyone says. But I researched for months and it's the only lead that came up that made sense. I mean, there's still Charles's son and there is a potential motive. But looking back, there wasn't enough evidence for it to make sense to confront him about it.

Either way, now is not the time to spiral. It's a holiday and I have a little girls' birthday party to throw tomorrow as well as another one in two weeks. How in the hell am I about to be a mom to a four- and two-year-old. It doesn't even seem real.

"Hey baby, you ready to head out?" Joe asks, grinning as he enters the hotel bathroom, grinning.

"Why does it feel so weird to be going without the girls tonight?" I ask, sighing.

"Because it's a holiday, probably," he laughs lightly. "But they're gonna be with Londyn and Jess, they'll be good..." he pauses "Unless this is your way of saying you'd rather stay here with them."

"No, no," I shake my head, turning to him. "I'm okay. I wanna be with you. It just feels off tonight."

He grins, kissing me. "Are you sure?"

I nod. "Yes. I am coming. Let's go."

"Okay, let's do it."

I guess the one thing Joe and I haven't talked about since I got back was the profound amount of hate I've been getting from online. I know he's seen it, and I can't say I haven't spent more time than I care to admit reading comments and articles assuming where I was and why and all of the things. From being secretly pregnant again to me cheating and him forgiving me. Me abandoning my kids to go party. Joe being left for dust as I decided I was too good for him. I don't even know how that one came about. Everyone seems to think that I think I'm too good for him. When in reality I know he deserves so much more than me. But he's content with me and our marriage. He loves me and honestly, that's enough to keep me going. I could never let go of him unless he told me to go. And even still, I'd miss and love him for the rest of my life. He'll always be everything to me. Him and our kids.