Beneath the Surface

chapter 61: the visit

Days passed, and the world around Sarah continued moving, but inside, her heart still felt heavy with grief. One quiet afternoon, she decided to visit Tristan's grave. The sky was a gentle shade of gray, and the soft breeze carried a hint of autumn in the air as she made her way to the cemetery.

With trembling hands, Sarah placed a bouquet of fresh white lilies—Tristan's favorite—on his grave. She knelt down, her fingers tracing the engraved letters of his name as if trying to connect with him one more time. The silence of the cemetery felt both comforting and overwhelming.

She lit a candle, its small flame flickering in the breeze, and sat quietly beside his headstone. The cool earth beneath her felt grounding, a stark contrast to the turmoil of emotions swirling inside her.

"I miss you, Tristan," Sarah whispered, her voice barely audible. "So much has happened, and it's been so hard without you. I wish you were here to see Stan... to see how much he's grown, how much he reminds me of you every day."

Her eyes filled with tears, but she didn't wipe them away. Instead, she let them fall, unburdening her heart in the silence. She took a deep breath and continued, "I've been trying to be strong. I've been doing everything I can to keep going, for Stan, for me. But there are days when it feels impossible. I know you wanted me to move on, to live... but it's hard."

She paused, glancing up at the candle's gentle glow, and spoke softly, "Lucas... he's been there for me. But even he's giving me space now, letting me grieve properly. I know he cares, and I know... I know you'd want me to be happy. I'm just not sure how to get there yet."

Her voice faltered, and she wiped away a tear. "I keep thinking about what you said in your letter, about loving again, about living my life. It feels like such a distant dream. But I'll try, Tristan. For you, for Stan... I'll try to find that happiness you wanted for me."

Sarah sat there for a long time, talking to Tristan, sharing the thoughts and feelings she hadn't been able to say aloud to anyone else. It felt like her heart was being mended, little by little, in the quiet of the cemetery.

Before leaving, she touched the flowers she had brought and whispered, "I'll be back soon. I promise."

As Sarah stood up, the wind gently swept through her hair, and for the first time in a long while, she felt a sense of calm. The grief was still there, but somehow it felt lighter, as if Tristan's presence had quietly reassured her that everything would be okay. She took one last look at his grave, said her silent goodbye, and walked away, ready to take her next steps forward.

After leaving the memorial park, Sarah drove with a heavy heart to Lucas' ranch. The sprawling land and the serene lake had always been a place of solace for her. It was where she had often come to reflect, to find peace when life felt overwhelming. Today, however, was different. She wasn't just seeking peace—she was searching for answers, for understanding.

As she arrived at the ranch, she barely noticed the beauty of the golden sunlight reflecting off the water. Instead, her steps were heavy as she made her way to the lake, her mind swirling with memories she'd long buried. Standing by the edge of the water, she let herself fall into deep thought, allowing the stillness of the lake to mirror the turbulence in her heart.

It was here, by this lake, where the truth about Lucas had unraveled months ago—a truth that had shaken her to her core.

She remembered that confrontation vividly. Lucas had come to her, eyes shadowed with the burden of a secret he had carried for years. He had stood before her, guilt etched into his face, and explained why he had opted to remain "dead" to her all those years, even though the truth was far more complicated.

"I wasn't with the team who went ice climbing that day," Lucas had confessed, his voice low but steady. "I canceled the trip at the last minute. I didn't even know why, Sarah... I just had this gut feeling, something that told me not to go."

Sarah had stood frozen in shock, unable to process what she was hearing. For so long, she had believed Lucas had died in that tragic accident, crushed by an avalanche that had claimed the lives of several climbers. And yet, here he was, alive and standing before her, having chosen to remain hidden.

"Why?" she had whispered, the weight of his revelation crushing her. "Why did you let me think you were dead all these years?"

Lucas had swallowed hard, his gaze steady as he answered, "Because I knew it was the only way for you to choose Tristan. I saw how much you loved him, even when you were with me. I didn't want to be the distraction that kept you from being with him, from making the choice you needed to make."

Sarah had been furious then, feeling both betrayal and heartbreak at his words. "You let me mourn you, Lucas! You let me suffer thinking you were gone!"

Lucas had taken a deep breath, his eyes filled with remorse. "I know, and I'm sorry. But I couldn't stand in your way. I saw you on your wedding day, Sarah," he had admitted, his voice thick with emotion. "I was there, hiding in the crowd. I saw the joy in your eyes when you married Tristan, and I knew I had made the right choice. I didn't want to complicate things for you. I stayed dead in your belief because I wanted to make it easier for you to choose him."

Tears had streamed down Sarah's face at that moment, a mix of rage and sorrow flooding her heart. Lucas had been the love she thought she had lost forever, and yet he had been there, alive, watching her from the shadows as she built a life with Tristan.

Now, standing by the lake, Sarah replayed those words in her mind. The confrontation had left her with more questions than answers. She had never fully understood Lucas' decision, but deep down, she knew he had done it out of love—his own twisted way of ensuring her happiness, even if it meant sacrificing his own.

The breeze stirred around her, rustling the leaves of the nearby trees. Sarah wrapped her arms around herself, feeling the weight of everything—Tristan's loss, Lucas' confession, the complex feelings swirling inside her.

As much as she had loved Tristan, there had always been a part of her that belonged to Lucas. She had buried those feelings deep, believing he was gone, and now, with him alive and back in her life, everything felt tangled.

Sarah stared out at the lake, the water calm and steady, in contrast to the storm inside her. Lucas had left her again, this time to give her space. But his words echoed in her mind:

"If we're meant to be, our roads will cross again."

She didn't know what the future held, whether she and Lucas would find their way back to each other or whether they were destined to remain apart. But here, in the quiet of the lake, she allowed herself to acknowledge the depth of her feelings for both men. She loved them both—Tristan, the man she had built a life with, and Lucas, the man who had stepped aside to let her live that life.

For now, all Sarah could do was focus on healing. She needed time to grieve, to sort through her emotions, and to decide what she truly wanted. But in the stillness of the ranch, with the lake before her and the memories of both men lingering in her heart, Sarah knew one thing for certain:

Her story wasn't over yet.