The Look Of Knowledge

13. Trying Your Luck

(If you guys don't remember what happened before this, go to chapter 5: the end has no end)

PRESENT

Julian

My heart was racing and my legs were walking too fast. Probably because I was fucking nervous, or worried, or cold.

When I arrived, I tried to call her one more time but there was no answer.

I knocked on the door and after a few seconds Albert opened it, his eyes went like boom.

I didn't really know what I was doing there but I was afraid Richard had done something to her.

"Jules, what the fuck are you doing here, man?" He whispered but like kind of loud. I just let myself in ignoring whatever he was saying.

"Albert where is her?" I asked looking around, I spotted her backpack on the couch. She hated purses.

"Shh! She's in Rich's bedroom, they're sleeping, dude" as soon as he said that I walked up there quickly. Albert couldn't be that stupid. Rich was hurting her again, I knew it.

I opened the door, the lights were off but the ones from the hallway peeked behind me. I squinted waiting for my eyes to adjust to the darkness of the room. When they did I saw them laying on the bed. He had his arm around her.

I walked slowly to her and kneeled down. I watched her sleep like a creep. I wanted to take her right there, kiss her pale and cold skin everywhere and make her mine again, like the first time. I could have done that again. I could have taken care of her every fucking day, instead of being afraid.

I knew it, I knew it since the first couple of days I spent with her that I might have found the one girl that could have made me happy. But I ignored it and kept telling myself it was dumb to feel that way towards someone you just met, that I was making all that up. Shit, why was I so stupid?

I took her hand carefully and kissed her wrist. Another lonely, broken and awakened being like me. I saw Albert's shadow on the floor, so I turned. He was standing right there in the doorway. He nodded his head to the side like telling me to go.
I looked at her one more time and let go of her hand. Then I stood up to follow Albert and closed the door behind me.

Probably I was wrong about Rich. Maybe he really changed, though I don't think that's possible, but pheraps he did. And I was just being an idiot. Thinking I have the right to fall for her while he's in love with someone else.

Who do you think you are, causing people trouble they don't ask for?

You had your chance and you blew it.

"Jules, let's talk, would ya?" Albert said pooring me a cup of coffee I didn't notice him making.

"You're my best friend. You know it. I know it. We can spend months without talking to each other. We can fight over everything, I still consider you my brother. You see? There are things that don't need to be said" Albert talked with this explanatory way, but I wasn't getting his point. I sat on the counter table and sipped from my coffee as he went on.

"Like I never needed you to tell me you were in love with Mika. I know you, man. I saw you all this years, pretending like you weren't looking"

"You knew, Albert?" I asked hoping he said 'No, it was a joke. I actually never noticed you silently fuck up your life'.

"Yeah, man" he said. "But, I thought.. I tried to talk to you about it but you just-"

"Julian" I heard a voice from behind me. So I turned.