The Look Of Knowledge

35. Motion Dismissed

Julian

I wait for Mika at a restaurant. I chose a table outside knowing that she'd probably want to have a smoke, and luckily I've found a pair of sunglasses in my car, so I put them on just in case someone knew me.

I scroll down my Twitter feed in complete boredom as the minutes go by. MLK quotes, Science facts and lame ass jokes keep me entertained as I wait patiently for her to arrive. Maybe tweet some shit myself to keep the crowds alive.

Suddenly I feel a hand on my shoulder and Mika quickly appears in front of me.

"Sorry, I still don't get used to the overpopulation" she breaths exasperatedly and sits on the chair. "You just can't walk on these streets during daytime no more" She sighs and takes her sunglasses off, then hangs them on the neck of her dark grey cotton t-shirt. I slip my phone back into my jeans.

"Hey" I grin slightly at her once she's settled and she grins back.

"Did you order something already?" She asks undoing her ponytail and ruffling her naturally messy hair.

"No, just a Coke" I admit. She looks down at the table trying to find said beverage but with no luck. "I drank it, sorry"

"It's fine" she laughs. "Let's order, I'm starving. And thirsty."

I call a waitress, we order our drinks first and then when we're done picking the food she comes again and takes our order.

"Thank you" Mika says to the cute blonde girl. She looked foreign, like half polish, half asian. Really weird combo, but suiting. When she leaves, I know it's time for Mika and I to talk.

"So.." I begin thinking of possible words to start an adequate sentence. "Can I not start?" I ask, knowing it's a bit risky, but she seems to be happy today for some reason, so I take a shot. Lucky me, she chuckles.

"Sunglasses" she says.

"What?" I ask confused.

She leans in and her hands make their way to my sunglasses, lowering them to the tip of my nose.

"Do you think you can take these off? I don't like talking to you while you have them on, feels like I'm speaking to your stunt double or something"

"Sure" I say forgetting about the fact I wanted to be incognito but glad to able to see her clearly now. She takes the sunglasses off completely and puts them on the table.

She looks into my eyes for a few seconds and smiles to herself, which kind of makes me smile too.

"Okay," She sighs getting serious and I cringe internally. "First off, I want to say that I'm sorry. We're not in a relationship and you didn't do anything wrong by sleeping with the mother or your son."

"Yeah, but-" I get cut off.

"No, I'll tell you something I learned from one of my favorite songs as a teenager: love can't thrive on jealousy. I've known this for a very long time and I thought I understood it's meaning. Like, Rich would sleep around and I'd try not to let it get into me, not to be the jealous girlfriend. That way I was letting love thrive." I can see hurt in her eyes, as she stops to breathe. "I was wrong. That wasn't what it meant, at all."

"What does it mean to you now?" I ask putting my hand on hers and stroking her wrist with my thumb.

"I don't have it completely figured yet. But it makes me want to trust you" her words feel like a break for air on a late night rainy road trip. "I want you to show me and learn with you all the meanings to the songs I love" I felt like I was watching a film adaptation of a modern Shakespeare, but, like, a good version.

I must have thought about what she said too long because she frowned and rolled her eyes.

"Don't you have anything to say?" Her hand goes away.

"Sorry, I just..." I begin, again trying to formulate a sentence without knowing how to finish or even be aware of what I want to say.

"You just what?" The asks and I just laugh at her desperation. She'll never take it easy.

"I want to remember your words and, uh.. I'm trying to find a way to save them or something" she looks at me confused. "You know, how like in a videogame, you save your progress? If anything goes wrong between us, I'd like to have this moment saved and go back to it, I mean, just in case.." My words sound stupid, nothing like I made them up in my head. She knows I'm no good at speaking my mind if I have so little time to think my words through, so I'm glad when she smiles at me.

"Why don't you think about the good things that can go right and forget about the ones that could go wrong? You know, I'm pretty pessimistic myself but the two of us combined could be an atomic bomb of shit" her words make me laugh. "If we're gonna be together, we have to take care of-"

"We are gonna be together, no ifs." I quickly correct her. "Fuck that, we are together. That sounds better." I correct myself and a small smile spreads across her lips.

"Like, right now? We are a thing as we speak..?"

"Yes. I mean, if you want. No?" I ask her. She smiles once again and leans closer, placing her forearms on the tiny table.

"Sure, yeah" She whispers, knowing that I intend to kiss her but suddenly she looks over my shoulder and frowns.

"Can we kiss now?" I ask jokingly. She looks back at me.

"As much as I want to, no." She states.

What now?

"What, why the fuck not?!" I accidentally raise my voice, causing a few people around our table to look at me. She ignores them and points behind me.

"There's a little dude with a huge ass camera taking pictures of your back"

I turn and without even trying too hard, I spot the guy next to a red Chevrolet and sigh.

"You can't be serious, why don't they even hide anymore?" She looks down, I know what she's thinking about. She's wondering wether it's a good or terrible idea to be with me.

"Do you want to go?" I ask her, lowering my voice as she puts her sunglasses on again. I would do the same, but I just don't even give a fuck anymore.

She nods, so I call the waitress and ask if it's okay if we leave, since they didn't bring our food yet. She says it's okay, so I pay for my Coke and we leave.

I want to hold her hand while we walk to my car, but I understand if she doesn't want the whole fucking world to know we are together.

I mean, if we are together.