The Look Of Knowledge

36. Days Are Gone

Mika

I get in the car and as soon as I close my door Julian starts the car and speeds off. I look at him alarmed, his knuckles white due to his tight grip on the steering wheel. He's driving so fast it makes me feel something weird in my stomach. His shoulders stiffen when he feels my hand grab his knee. There's something strange in his expression. He's thinking about something.

"Sorry" he sighs.

"Pull over" I tell him. He doesn't ask a single question and does what I say. The car stops outside some random bookshop I've never seen before in a pretty quiet street. I don't even know where we are, Julian drove so fast I couldn't keep track of how many blocks we did or how many times he turned.

I don't know what to say to him, he seems so off all of a sudden. He's so quiet all the time, such an introvert, which I love about him, but sometimes he lets like a stream of anger come over him, like it escapes his body and takes over and manifests in different ways every time.

He doesn't look at me but I just have to look at him once to notice he's thinking of something to say.

"I..." He starts but I wait and nothings comes out.

"It's okay" I say resting my head on his shoulder.

"You.. will you be able to handle it?" he finally speaks up. "Being with me" he adds almost feeling my confusion.

"Is that what you're afraid of?" I ask, understanding where his anger is coming from.

"I just.. I mean, it's not like I'm Justin Bieber, you know? I try to stay low all there time, I don't go around trying to scandalize my life to get attention, and they still find ways to get under my skin" he sighs and takes his hands off the wheel.

"I guess I just don't want you to be uncomfortable being around me, I wish I could, but I can't protect you"  he adds.

"You have got to be kidding me" I spit after a few seconds of trying really hard to be calm.

He turns and looks at me somewhat surprised, he was probably expecting me to find his statement sweet or charming.

"I'm- I'm not.." He mumbles.

"Julian, I think things through. I'm tired of having to make you see this, but If I thought I can't handle you, I wouldn't be here." I state but, continue. "Actually, no, I would probably still be here because I want you"

He looks at me, his eyes now wide with amazement. I thought he knew that by now, but he seems different for some reason unknown to me.

"You do?" He asks squinting his eyes. As if I was fooling him and everything I just said and have been saying was some sort of sick cosmic joke I've been playing. God, why is he so insecure?

"Of course I do!" I tell him, trying not to sound offended. He presses his lips together trying not to let them twist into a smile, but failing.

"Okay, I want you too" he assures me.

"I know, now can you stop being so weird and kiss me?" I ask taking my hand off his knee, but almost as a reflex he grabs my wrist and pulls me to him, making me lean slightly onto his seat.

"Eager much?" He teases me, tracing my jawline with his thumb.
God, why is he so hot? Why the sudden jump of confidence? And why is his nose so beautifully straight? I wish I could understand this stupid dude with the loud and smart thoughts and the soft and thoughtful words.

"Shut the fuck u-" I whisper before he shushes me with his lips, which by the way, taste like honey and sunshine.
And yes, before you ask, I know what sunshine tastes like, and it tastes just like Julian's lips. It changes tho, when I first kissed him he tasted plainly of tobacco, obviously. Which was kinda sexy.

I part my lips and he doesn't miss the chance to slip his tongue between them, grabbing me tightly from the back of my neck. His other hand snakes around my waist and kind of pushes me closer so I end up sitting on his lap with my legs on the passenger's seat.

Luckily Julian's car is big, the roof is not so low so I'm not so uncomfortable. How could I even bother to be uncomfortable while I'm sitting right on top of Julian? I dunno. Not possible.

"Dude," I disconnect our lips when I feel us falling. Julian gives me a cheeky smile as I spot one of his hands reclining the seat.

"I think you're gonna be more comfy this way," he points out laying back and pulling me down with him. I fit my legs so I can put them at his sides. I actually am more comfortable like this.

I look up at him and rest my head on his chest. His heart is beating fast. I love knowing I have the same effect on him as he has on me.

"I don't really know you" I say, surprising myself.

"Of course you do. What do you mean?" He asks lifting his head a bit, forming a cute double chin.

"I mean, I know you very well but there's this other part of you I don't know, that shows only when we spend time alone, which we never really did very often."

"Well, that's.. what happens with couples I guess" he slurs twisting his index finger in my hair. "People get together and get to know each other, that's why sometimes relationships end badly"

"That won't happen to us, right?" I ask, I know he doesn't have all the answers, but most of the time he does, and everything he says is just right, so I ask anyway, because I know he'll say the right words.

"I'd probably still love you even if I found out you killed a puppy." He states, I laugh but he remains unamused.

"When I was younger I used to cry in movies only when animals died." I confess, changing the subject. I miss chatting with Julian about stupid shit. It reminds me of why I feel the way I do towards him.

"A lot of people told me the same, so I thought about that reasoning a lot. I think it's a pretty selfish way to feel towards the man"

"I know, I noticed that. I used to be like 'oh, I cry for animals cause they're innocent, humans are cruel and I've lost faith in humanity'. They I realized how stupid that was." I tell him, I know I've changed so much since I was a teen. A pre-teen in this case. I almost feel guilty for mocking my younger self but I used to think I knew everything about everything and that I was cool. I deserved the mockery.

"I can picture you being that girl." Julian says, a little smile playing on his lips as one of his fingers stroke my shoulder. "Were you one of the populars?"

"Fuck no. I was the typical tomboy who hung out mostly with guys and dressed only in black clothes." I say rolling over to Julian's side making us both fit in the same seat but sideways.

"Kinda like nowadays" he teases tugging at my black crop top.

"Shut up" I scold him, even though I know he's right. "I'm not that much of a tomboy anymore though" I add. He smirks and plants a kiss on my temple.

"Whatever you say, Mike. Whatever you-" we both jump as we feel someone tap on the glass.

"Julian?" I hear a man call as I sit back in my seat and Jules sits up.

Who is interrupting my cute coupley moment?