The Look Of Knowledge

30. The Art Of Facing Demons

Mika

Julian kept looking at me as he drove. I could feel his stare every once in a while, I knew he wanted to tell or ask me something and didn't know how. So I just looked at him, catching him in one of those moments. He quickly returned his sight on the road.

"What is it?" I asked.

"It's nothing"

"Come on, you can tell me" I assured him, he seemed nervous.

"No, it's just.. about Rich... I wanted to ask you, um-"

"He shot himself" I cut him off when I realized he was having trouble trying to be sympathetic or tactful. "Turn left here".

"You're shitting me" he said following my indications. "Did you know he had a gun?"

"Yeah, I did" I confessed and simultaneously remembered the day I found it on a box inside his closet. "He said.. he told me it had no bullets on, that it was only to scare people off. You know, just in case someone broke in and stuff"

"Well, he lied" Julian unnecessary added.

"Oh, really? Thanks, I didn't know that" I said pulling out my phone. I had quite a few notifications from Twitter and stuff but I swiped them off as always. I actually hadn't twitted in like 2 years because I sucked at it but being into The Strokes circle came hand in hand with people's curiosity and they were constantly asking stuff. Obviously not about me, but about the guys.

"We're here" Julian parked the car and we got into the hospital. I couldn't quite remember where Rich was so we had to ask the receptionist.

"I'm scared" I confessed when the doors of the elevator closed. Julian looked down at me.

"Don't be, it's gonna be fine" he said.

"I don't know..."

"It's gonna be fine" he repeated putting his arms around me. I hid my face on his chest. "I know you're in a tough situation, but remember I'll be right outside waiting for you" his voice always sounded so calm and it drove me from feeling vulnerable to protected. I looked up at him. Why was he always so hard to read?

"8th floor, Intensive Care" the voice from the elevator announced and opened it's doors which made me quickly let go of Julian. I don't know why I did that, it's not like he's my secret pet boy.

We walked quietly until we arrived to the hallway corresponding to Rich's room. Nobody was there, so Julian walked with me to the door. I looked at him, took a deep breath and entered.

To my surprise, Niko, Fab and Nick were inside talking and laughing with him. They all turned to me, even Rich, his smile slightly vanished.

"Oh hey!" Fab said breaking the uncomfortable silence. He noticed I was terrified.

"We should leave you guys alone" Niko said walking towards the door. The rest of them followed behind.

"It's okay" Nick whispered in my ear as he walked past me, slightly squeezing my left arm. I smiled at him and they left the room. I felt guilty, I was able to picture Julian alone with the guys, having to face them, because they were most definitely gonna judge him, but mostly I felt relieved because I thought Nick was hating on me after all that happened with Jules. And the way he found out.