The Look Of Knowledge

28. Here Comes That Feeling

(+16 I guess...)

Julian

"Stop looking at me like that, I can leave whenever I want" Mika said as we waited for the elevator to open it's doors to my floor.

"Not until you sober up" I said. I felt like I was with one of my brothers, she was acting so childish and it made me realize that talking was gonna have to wait until she was calm. Or at least calmer.

I opened my door and let ourselves in.

"Oh, look how fancy" She said walking around my living room. "Everything is so... white and... baby approved"

"Baby proofed" I corrected her.

"Yeah, that's what I said" she waved me off and went into the kitchen.

"You hungry?" I asked following her.

"Nope, I just want to see if your whole apartment looks like Michael and Janet Jackson's Scream Music Video"

I ignored her comments and opened the fridge to pour her a glass of cold water.

"Why don't you go take a nap or something?" I suggested as we walked to my living room again. "It'll make you feel better"

"Can you just stop babysitting me please? If I'm drunk it's because I want to and I'm just really damn pissed because you don't have any alcohol here" She said and sat down on one of the couches.

"Well, maybe you should stop acting like a fucking bitch" I said calmly as I sat on the couch in front of her. Her eyes widened and stared at me for a few seconds, then she frowned and ran to the door. I just observed how she tried to open it, but I knew she wasn't gonna be able to do it since it had the children's lock. Then Mika gave up and proceeded to go outside to the balcony.

I felt so exhausted. I sighed and rubbed my face with my palms. I always reminded myself the day we met, how I was down because of a fight with my father, and Mika being a complete stranger, made me feel a thousand times better.

And there I was, looking at her, resting her forearms on the railing, head down, dead hands, confused and afraid. How was I not going to love her if she's just the same as me? How was I not gonna want her in my life if I don't know how to act when she's not around?

I know what I did was wrong but I'm only human and we tend to make mistakes pretty often. But at the moment, I needed her and could not wait any longer.

-6 months before-

We were at Fab's birthday party, which was held in his appartment.
It was probably midnight and everyone was already pretty hammered, except for me and surprisingly Mika didn't look drunk either.

I approached to her and asked her about it.

"No, I can't drink" she said half smiling. I immediately freaked out and looked at her belly, it looked flat as always but I think she caught sight of my misunderstanding and laughed.

"Oh, Jules, I'm not pregnant!" She said laughing and slightly punching my shoulder. "I have a blood test tomorrow at 8am" she clarified. 

"A blood test? What for?" I asked now even more concerned.

"Oh, it's nothing, I've just been anemic for a few weeks now, but I'm taking some pills for that. I just wanna check if it's gone already"

"Aren't you supposed to eat too?" I asked, obviously not out of curiosity, I knew the answer, but Mika wasn't really much of an eater. Not because she saw herself fat, because she would eat all kinds of crap food, but sometimes she used to forget to eat.