The Look Of Knowledge

20. Ain't Too Proud To Beg

Julian

I rushed to the street not being able to believe I was going through this again. That somehow I managed to I make myself go through all of this shit all over again. It's true, what Juliet said to me that one time, I judge people a lot but I'm no good.

Now I probably fucked up big time, like I always do. I'm running after her like the first and last time. Who would've thought this could happen to us when we first went to bed?

Where the fuck is she? I wondered looking around, there were very few people and it was cold, the winter night kind of cold. But it was barely 5pm.

There she was on the street corner, probably waiting for a cab, but where'd she stay at?

"Hey!" I called out when I saw her crossing the street struggling to drag her luggage. She turned to look at me and rushed to the other side. I ran after her and obviously caught her given to the large of my limbs compared to hers.

"I'm sorry, what did I do? I'm so sorry, please talk to me" I shamelessly begged grabbing her arm.

"Go away, please. There's nothing you can do, just go." She didn't even bother to look at me.

My heart was racing, I could feel it beating in my throat. I didn't understand what was going on and I felt like I could actually start crying out of frustration. Five minutes ago I was thinking she could finally be all mine and now I was begging her to speak to me.

"Is it because I punched him?" I asked, I really didn't have a clue. She finally looked up at me, her shiny brown eyes were red and wet.

"Please, don't do this" her voice cracked and she started crying. Even though I was getting frustrated I couldn't bare to see her cry, I don't even remember when was the last time I saw her cry but I do remember I had to leave. I actually had to get out of the room.

"Shit.." I approached to her and held her in my arms, which made her cry louder. She dropped her luggage and buried her head under my chin. "It's okay" I said looking down while stroking her back. She had her fists pressed against her chest and her head on my shoulder. I stared at her bleached blonde hair and found some roots that showed a brownish memory of the Mika I first met and loved.

"Julian, I'm sorry"

"For what?" I asked still running my hand on her back, which seemed to calm her down.

"I can't be with you" She said letting go of my embrace.

"Mika, you have to tell me what I did wrong!" I groaned unintentionally.

"I can't do this.." She whispered to herself running a hand through her hair. "You didn't do anything wrong, okay? I know you trust me Julian, so trust me on this" How could I trust someone who's keeping me from having the only thing I need? This is just fucked up.

"Fuck, why can't you just tell me?!" I yelled nervously. She hated when I yelled but I couldn't help myself, she was killing me with this.

"Because you'll talk me out of it!" Suddenly it hit me.

"What did Rich tell you?" I asked using a calmer tone. That son of a bitch.

"It- It doesn't matter, he's right" she spoke up after a few seconds. "I have to go" she stopped a cab that passed by and grabbed her luggage.

"You can't do this" She's going. She is leaving me. This is happening all over again, I'm losing her. I followed her to the cab and she got in as the cabbie put her bags on the trunk.

I put my hand on the door keeping her from closing it.

"Mika, don't" I said calmly, trying to reason with her. "I love you, don't do this to me" she needed to hear that I loved her. Maybe that would change her mind.

"I know. I love you too" she said putting her hand on mine. The one I was using to prevent her departure. Somehow my hand loosened.

"Hey, kid. You gotta get going" the old cabbie guy put his hand on my shoulder and I just let go.

He walked back to the driver's seat and I just stared at her through the window. I hated her so much for those last few seconds that I didn't even notice she was gone.

A "Shit" escaped from my mouth, I looked around to see if I could find another cab, I couldn't just stand there like moron.

No more cabs. Typical. When you don't need one there's enough to transport half the people in NY, but when you do need one.. Forget it man.

I felt something vibrate in my pocket. A text message pheraphs.

'From Juliet: Can you pick up Cal from his playdate with Bobby? Can't get out of this x'

'Sure thing, send me the address' I answered.

At least I got to see little Cal today.

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I'm sorry this is shitty haha x