The Look Of Knowledge

38. Let It Loose

Mika

He's right though, I think he's seen the worst of me already. I don't think I could hurt him more. I wouldn't allow myself to do that, he's been through hell already, now it's my turn to make him feel relieved.

I want to take that burden off his shoulders, whatever it is. He's always so tired and done with everything. Though the circles under his eyes, the way his eyelids look heavy... I really hope that's just part of him because I fucking love the way he looks.

"Okay" I say, brushing away my fears.

"Okay what?" He asks. Of course.

"Let's do this, whatever it is we're gonna do" I laugh looking at him again. His expression is everything I've ever lived for and it makes me wonder why I waited so long for this moment to happen.

"You serious?" He asks suspiciously. I only smile and brush his hair back.

"I'm all yours" I assure him. He gives me a shy goofy smile.

"That's good" he says, his eyes rolling back just like when you're petting a puppy. His face is so beautiful it makes me cringe. I wish I could be done loving his expressions, why do I like his face so much? I feel like I'll never understand how attractive he is. It's like nothing I've ever seen before. Why can't I like someone like, I don't know.. Brad Pitt? There's just something in Julian I can't decipher. Something that drags me to him like gravity drags objects.. and well, us, to the earth.

It's been so many years since I first saw him and up until this day I still feel amazed by how charming he is... in his unusual way.

My phone starts ringing and Julian huffs as I take my hands off of his tangled hair to grab the device from my purse.

"Hello?"

"Hey" I recognize Albert's voice immediately.

"Hi Al, what's up?" I look over at Julian who sighs and slides down to rest fully on the couch.

"Nothing, I was just wondering if everything was okay between you and the big J, 'cause, you know.. my birthday is coming up and I wanted to make a little get together.."

"Yup, I'm here with him right now" I tell him. "Do you wanna talk to him?" I ask, not feeling really chatty.

"Uhh.. sure, I-"

"Kay, bye" Julian rolls his eyes at me as I hand the phone over to Julian.

"Hey man" he says as I walk over to the bathroom.

I look at myself in the mirror, my eye bags are turning purple, I don't know when was the last time I had a good night sleep. I splash some water on my face and brush my hair back with my fingers until it stays put. I quit when I notice there's no chance I'll look presentable if I don't have some rest.

I go back to the living room to find Julian standing, staring out the window. I approach him from behind and snake my arms around his waist. His chest inflates and he moves my arms away so he can turn around.

"Hey there" a little smile is playing on his lips as he takes his hands to my face.

"Hey" I say, inevitably smiling like dumb. He approaches to me and rubs the tip of his nose against mine.

I can't stand being so close and not kissing him so I wrap my arms around his neck and drag my lips to his. I can probably count how many times I've kissed him with one hand.. and a half maybe. So no, it's never enough and I don't want to feel his grip on my waist loosen but I'm out of energy.

"Jules..." I say when I feel like he's about to get naughty. "Can we sleep for a little bit?" I ask cautiously. He sighs but then nods.

"Of course baby" my stomach flutters. I follow him to his bedroom and sit on the edge of the bed to take my boots off. Gotta throw this babies away but knowing myself, I won't. Maybe I should donate them?

"Which side are you taking?" Julian asks taking his shoes off and leaving them on the floor, wherever they fell.

"Uhm.. the one you don't? I don't really care, I sleep wherever honestly"

"Alright, you take the one by the window, I'll stay by the door. Incase a serial killer breaks in" he jokes taking a shirt from his closet and handing it to me. "Here, wear this if you want. It's like XXXL so it's very long. Almost like a nightgown"

"A hardcore nightgown" I laugh noticing it has punk songs lyrics written all over it. I take my pants off, fold them and put them on a chair next to the bed. Then I do the same with my shirt. I can feel Julian's gaze on me but when I look at him he's looking anywhere else. It's cute. "I shall steal this one from you and use it with black leggings" I say referring to the t-shirt he gave me. He looks at me throwing his pants on another chair. I'm betting he has these chairs in his bedroom only to throw dirty stuff on them. I can already picture him getting out of the shower and throwing the towel on this very chair. He would do that. I don't know why I'm thinking about this though, I'm not gonna move in with him as tempting as it may sound.

He leaves his dark grey t-shirt on and plops down on the bed as I put mine on. Well, his.

"You're sexy" he says with that smooth and raspy voice of his, making my knees tremble as I crawl quickly under the covers next to him. I don't want him to see my bruised legs. Rich's never been very gentle when we had sex, but it's not that terrible because I kind of enjoyed it. So, anyways, I still have some bruises mostly on my legs and I don't think Julian will appreciate it very much. They're almost completely gone but you can tell if you look too much. And Julian is a starer.

"Don't tell me you are shy now" he chuckles, probably noticing how quickly I covered myself with the sheets.

"Says the dude sleeping with a t-shirt" I mock him pulling from thin fabric.

"I'm self conscious" he pouts like a kid and tries to take my hand away of his t-shirt when I begin to lift it slowly. I look at him and raise an eyebrow.

"Don't be a baby, I'm trying to undress you" I scold him.

"Do you notice the irony in your words?" He laughs finally letting go of my wrists and allowing me to slide the annoying thing off of him.

"This thingy is cute" I say circling my index finger around a lonely single hair on his chest. He's literally hairless, I can't take how cute he is. He looks down at what I'm doing and frowns.

"Don't make fun of me, you bully" he says. I look up at him with a smile and kiss him softly. I feel his scowl turn into a smile as well.

"Let's sleep" I say pulling away. He nods and reaches his arm to the nightstand to turn off the lamp. I peck his lips once again and turn around closing my eyes.

In the complete darkness of the room and just as I am about to fall asleep I feel Julian's arms slowly wrap around me and no long after that the warmth of his breath crash softly on my neck protecting me from the cold air of our first night sleeping together on an actual bed.

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Much love x