The Look Of Knowledge

42. Chemical Solution

Mika

"Hello?" I turn over my heel and head to Fab's bedroom.

"Hey, um, what's up?" Julian's voice is deep and calm. It always soothes me.

"I'm at Fabrizio's, you?" I prop myself down on the bed, I love Fab's mattress, it's really fun to jump on. Once he was bouncing around, hit the ceiling with his head and it bled. A lot. He had to get stitches. It was funny.

"I'm home, just got back from this interview at the NME offices. About to go to bed"

"Are you tired?" I ask. He's been out all day, he left again as soon as I left his apartment.

"Very." Julian sighs and I find it so cute I have to bite my lip to not saw awww. "Sup with the Snapchat?" He finally asks.

"I dunno, Fab made it" I laugh and he doesn't say anything. "I was thinking about you"

"Is that so?"

"Yeah.."

"What were you thinking about?" He asks and my buzzed mind wonders around some weird scenarios.

"I usually thinkbout your face" I slur, my tongue is too dry as I picture Julian's perfectly shaped nose and lips.. and eyes. Those fucking eyes, damn.

"That's cute.."

"Or how bad I wanna fuck you" I quickly add, I can't believe how I thought that would come out sexy.

"Oh" he laughs in that kind of way he does when he's blushing hard. The worst part is I wanna have sex with him more now, he makes me so horny. God I'm a fucking nympho. "I, wow umm.. I wanna.. fuck you.. too?"

"Remind me to never try to phone-sex you, you surely suck at it"

"I do" he laughs once again "but really.. I really do wanna.. you know, we'll get to that"

"I know, I'm sorry, I just get really horny when I'm drunk" oh fuck I said it!

"You're drunk?" Fuck. Fuck. Fuck "that explains a lot"

"I'm sorry.."

"Sorry? Mika you can do whatever you want"

"I know, I just.. I feel so dumb, like you're gonna realize I'm not good for you"

"Don't, don't go there okay? We're fine, you're fine and I'm fine. I'm not a junky, like, I can take watching people drink"

"But you wish I drank less, I know that"

"I just.. care about you? Man, do whatever you want honestly.. I haven't said a word to you, I'd be a hypocrite if I did" Julian's voice is getting rushed and I know he's starting to feel annoyed but my drunk self is completely oblivious and loves causing drama. Just what Julian hates. That's the main reason I don't want to be drunk around him now that I'm with him, he'll hate me.

"Well actually you did tell me that I-" he cuts me off with one of his breathy sarcastic laughs.

"Seriously, I don't feel like talking about your drinking right now" he grunts. "I'm kinda tired so... let's just talk tomorrow"

"Oh.. okay" well this didn't turn out they way I was expecting. "Wanna go grab lunch together?"

"I don't think I can, I'll call you" he says slipping a yawn in the middle of his sentence. He still sounds mad. "Night"

"Goodnight babe" my voice comes out as a whisper as Julian hangs up the phone. I stay sitting on the bed staring at the wardrobe in front of me. My lip starts quivering. Suck it up, you're drunk. Okay, it stopped, cool. It wasn't even that bad.

"Fab!" I yell hoping the door doesn't block the sound coming from my mouth. Then I remember how many times I heard him having sex when I stayed at his couch every time Rich and I used to have a fight.

"WAT?!" He bursts in as he was running. "Are ye okay?"

"Um.. yeah?" I laugh. "Are you?"

"Oh, I thought someone broke in and raped ya" he breaths out in relief.

"I'm literally inside your room on a 20th floor, I'm fine, thank you" I say standing up and flutter my eyelashes seductively as I walk towards Fabrizio, who's looking at me puzzled. He rolls his eyes and takes a long sip from a white wine bottle I didn't  know he was holding.

"You gon ask me for something, aren't ya?" He sings. He knows me too well. I instantly drop to my knees.

"I really need you to take me to Julian" I plead. "Please, please, please" Fab looks at the watch on his left wrist.

"Dude, wadafuck?"

"Please, Fabrizio! I'll do anything!" I crawl towards him with my knees and hug his legs.

"Mika, c'mon, it's 2:30AM and I'm drunk" he sighs. I...don't think I'm on my right mind at the moment. I shake my head and stand up.

"I'm sorry, Fab"

"What happened?" He looks at me concerned, his eyes are red, probably because of all the weed we smoked. I don't usually get bloodshot eyes but Fab gets them with just one puff.

"Nothing, I just miss him. Nevermind, I'm just at that point where I can't tell if I'm drunk or high"

"Let's get you to sleep, yeah?" He says placing both his hands on my shoulders. His smile warms me up as I walk with him towards the bed. He moves the covers for me to get in and snuggles me. I close my eyes, everything feels like it's spinning. I could throw up right now but Fab presses a kiss on my forehead and it makes me feel safe.

"You got a pill or something?" I whisper letting go off the feeling and drifting away into my mind which seems eager to take me away from this never ending day.

"Night, little one" he says ignoring my request. Probably for the better. "Dream about me" his voice seems further away, the light goes off and I hear the door close. I'm left in silence all alone.

I hate sleeping alone.