desertion

author note (pls read 🫶)

hi! as I write this story further, I reach to the topics I know can trigger many people. I feel like trigger warnings aren't enough so I'm going to talk about them here.

IF YOU DO NOT LIKE READING ABOUT SUICIDE, EATING DISORDERS, AND SH, PLEASE CLICK OFF OF THIS AUTHOR NOTE 🫶

As I write more chapters for this book, I get into the topics I knew were coming. I know some people have went through these things, myself included. And I know how triggering it can be for someone to write something you went through so wrong that it just boils you up inside.

Some chapters will include the topics of Self-Harm. Self-Harm is the intentional conduct that is considered harmful to oneself. People think of this as an escape or as a punishment to themselves and if you ever feel the need to do that, please reach out to someone. You are never alone. I will list sources at the end of this note 🫶

Back to the topic of the chapter, Lydia used to cut herself as a 12 year old girl. She stopped doing it after she promised her father she wouldn't. He found out and there will be a flashback included for when the chapter is released. Lydia goes through this whole phase of thinking she's not enough and that she's failing everyone around her, so she starts self harming again.

A few chapters will include Eating Disorders. An eating disorder is any range of mental conditions in which there is a persistent disturbance of eating behavior and impairment of physical or mental health. Lydia has always felt wrong in her own skin. She's always felt overweight even though her doctor says her weight is normal. When the name "Biggie" was used by her family and was used as a nickname, that thought became worse and eventually grew to an eating disorder.

Even before then, Lydia had trouble eating as a child. Shannon used to talk to Eddie about it at night about how she wouldn't eat a lot or how she wouldn't even try eating. Shannon stressed herself out and that stressed Lydia out even more.

When Helena Diaz (Eddie's Mother) found out she had been struggling with an eating disorder, she got mad at Lydia. She said that Lydia was trying to make her Dad lose his daughter. Lydia tried eating more then but she never could really eat all of her plate.

She still struggles with this in the season 2 chapters, as you could probably tell, I didn't write many eating scenes and now you know why. I will list sources at the end of this chapter for anyone going through this. You're not alone. You're not a burden for reaching out for help 🫶

Now, for the last topic. Suicide. Lydia struggles with Suicidal thoughts throughout all of her life. When she was younger, around 13, she tried to commit suicide. She had a handful of antidepressants in her hand and she was ready to take them. But at the very last moment, she stopped. She realized what pain she would cause to her father.

Losing his wife then losing his only daughter. That would destroy him. And Lydia knew she would hurt Chris by continuing. Chris lost his mother and he would've lost his sister. That would've destroyed both Eddie and Chris. Lydia stopped then.

And in recent chapters, in Part II Chapter 40, which has not been released yet, Lydia goes more into detail about how she's struggled with Suicidal thoughts in the past and how recently she did try to commit but when she went to say her last goodbyes, Chris said he loved her and that he never wanted to lose her.

No one knew what Lydia had planned and Chris still said that. Lydia states that he's the reason she's still here in the chapter.

But in the end, I want everyone to be aware of the upcoming topics because I know how it feels. I do. I understand if you feel the need to stop reading, I totally get that. They are some topics that people don't really bring up in the real world.

Either way, I want to say that I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud that you made it to this moment today. That you made it to this moment to be able to be reading this right now. You made it through this day, whether it was bad or good, you made it.

I've always said that, if the universe didn't need you, you wouldn't be here. And I truly believe that. Just because things may feel broken or bad doesn't mean the purpose of your life is gone.

You have a purpose.

Whether that's talking to someone or whether that's acting up in class. You never know someone's dark room you're lighting up. You're making someone's day by just being here.

You matter.

Sources:

National Suicidal Hotline: Call 988, 988lifeline.org

National Eating Disorders Helpline: 800-931-2237

Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741, crisistextline.org

National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders: 847-831-3438

S.A.F.E. (Self Abuse Finally Ends): 1-800-DONT-CUT

More Hotlines If Not Listed : pleaselive.org

You're Enough. You're Loved. Please Continue. Your Story Isn't Over.

"I want you to be alive." - love, kyn 🫶