desertion

9

I pace around my room. It's been a few days since I went through Dad's phone. Mom's back. And he hasn't told me nor Chris anything about it.

I don't know if I should be mad about that or not. I don't know how to feel or what to think about it. Maybe I should be mad, but I can't help but feel.. nothing about it. I just feel numb.

I mean honestly, I'm kind of glad I haven't had to face Mom yet. I don't know what I'd say or what I'd do. Truly, I don't want to see her right now. But Chris deserves to see his mother. He misses her all the time. That's what makes me mad about it.

Every Christmas since she left, He's always asked Santa to bring her home. And every year, she never came. That made Chris feel like crap. Every year he was bummed and I didn't know how to help him or how to help Dad.

Dad always felt guilty about Mom leaving. It wasn't his fault. Mom chose that. She shouldn't have left. It was her choice to have kids. It was her choice to commit to being with Dad. And she left. She freaking left.

I pace faster and before I know it, I'm punching my bedroom wall. I pull my hand back, my mouth dropped. Why did I just do that?!

What is wrong with me? Why am I like this? Why couldn't I just mind my business for once? Why did I look through his phone? I should've listened to Julian and Miles. My knuckles are bruised and my hand is really red.

My door swings open. "Lydia? Your dad to-" Buck starts to say but he stops when he sees me and the hole in the wall. "What happened?!" He asks, rushing over to me. "I got mad.. I didn't mean to." I say.

"Okay.. uh. It's okay. Look, let's get your hand wrapped and we'll deal with the hole in the wall later." Buck says. I nod my head.

He leads me to the kitchen and he opens one of our cabinets. "Lydia? What happened?" Dad asks. "She punched a hole in her wall." Buck says. "What?! Why?!" Dad asks. "I'm not having a good day." I say softly, looking away from their gazes.

"What's going on with you?" Dad asks. "Nothing." I say. "Well, there's something. You've
been acting different. You're upset about something." Dad says. "I'm not upset about anything." I snap. "Lose the attitude." Dad says, glaring at me.

"I'm sorry." I say quietly, looking down as Buck starts wrapping my knuckles. "Look, we'll get the wall fixed. But right now, I want to know what's going on with you. It's not like you to punch a wall." Dad says. "I'm just tired. School is stressing me out." I say, which isn't a lie, I'm stressed out about school.

"Do you need help with anything?" Buck asks. "It's just a lot of work at one time. I get how to do it, it's just- it's just a lot." I say as he finishes wrapping my knuckles. "Getting some rest might help." Buck says.

"I know." I say. "They aren't expecting you to do a whole semester in two months, Lyds." Dad says. "I know, but I need to get it finished." I say. "You have time to get it finished." Dad says. I nod my head slowly.

"Now.. what do you say about a movie and popcorn?" Buck asks. "Sounds fun." I say with a small smile as I hop off the counter.