Chapter 31

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We drop off Inayah in school a little bit after 8 and then we head towards mine. Ya Muhammad said he would drop us off until Yusuf the driver came back from visiting his family. I have gotten my license but he still wasn't budging on letting me drive. The moment I brought up the conversation yesterday he told me no. I didn't try again.

There's soft music playing from the radio as he drives us to my university. "What time are you done with your classes?" He asks.

"My classes always finish by 3." I say.

"Would you mind staying in the office with me till 4:30? If you don't I can make alternative arrangements."

"No it's fine. I don't mind." I look at him and give him a small smile when he turns to me. His eyes stay on my lips for a second before it moves back to the road.

"Okay. I'll pick you up at 3 then."

"Okay." I say then silence descends up until we reach the university and he drops me off.

I start walking towards my building where me and Hafsa agreed to meet when I notice how people are stopping to stare at me. It feels like all the people I pass, especially the girls stare and whisper when I walk away from where they are. I start to fix my veil subconsciously when I hear Hafsa's voice.

"Madeenah!" She yells just as she jumps on me. "Ah I missed you. You've been enjoying your amarya lifestyle that you've forgotten about me." She complains as she pulls back.

"Don't start that. We text like every day." I say to her.

"Not as much as we used to. But don't worry I understand you have to settle into things." She says as she grabs my hand and we walk towards our building together.

My mind immediately goes back to how tense and cold my interactions are with my own husband. "Yeah it has been hectic."

"Are you okay?" Hafsa asks. "You seem sad."

I plaster a smile on my face. "I'm fine. Just tired. Inayah refused to sleep early last night."

"Already getting into the role of mummy." She teases.

I chuckle. "I won't lie I am. I was so happy hearing her call me Maama. It made me feel so complete."

"I'm sure. Inayah is a cute child." Hafsa adds, "And very naughty."

I laugh at that. "I know allah. She can be when she wants to be."

"Oya let's go to class. You can gist me about married life after." Hafsa pulls me along with a naughty smirk on her lips and I just sigh knowing I can't escape.

Two hours later we sit on a bench as she stares at me.

"I know something is wrong. You kept spacing out during class which you never do." Hafsa grabs my hand when I look away. "What's wrong?"

I stare at her for a bit and try to hold back the tears that start forming. Hafsa immediately looks worried.

"Madeenah what's wrong?" She asks.

"He doesn't love me. He'll never love me." I sob as she grabs my hand.

"What are you talking about? What do you mean he doesn't love you?"

I tell her. I tell her everything unable to stop myself. I tell her what he told me the night we got married. How cold he's been recently and the few times we get along and he's kind to me. I tell her everything.

"Oh my god Madeenah. I'm so sorry. You don't deserve that." Hafsa hugs me to her as I cry.

"I don't know what to do. I don't wanna live in a loveless marriage. I can't do that."

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