if only you were mine | top male reader

before i drown in my thoughts

sorry, i have not been looking at my drafts. i cant bring myself to write. i dont find it enjoyable as of late. i didnt want to make this post for a lot of reasons but like,, i wanted to inform yall this. i dont want to say im discontinuing all of my works because yk i rather please yall than myself. and i never wanted to be those writers where they just discontinued something that their readers considered good. before i was a writer, i was a reader. so it was heartbreaking to see no updates. and i understand that feeling as a reader.

ive set such high standards for myself. write longer stories, trying to perfect my english and make my stories more interesting and not repetitive. i guess i dwell on that a lot that i find it really infuriating. lately, it felt my english has gotten worse. so theres that. my stories felt off. in summary, i suck at writing now.

idk what else to say so imma start rambling here.

i love yall readers. god, i really do. you lot made me feel good about my writing. im so glad that everyone (well, at least most) liked it. im also so glad that i helped other people through my stories, influenced them to write their own. it was a huge honour, honestly. i feel good. i felt good. its just frustrating now that i cant bring the same energy anymore.

going pass that, i feel bad for the ones that have requested and i have not written anything yet. or more of i did write something but i couldn't continue it. there are requests from like 2yrs ago that i havent finished. just imagining them waiting for years while i wrote other stories feels unfair. idk maybe i think i just feel a lot.

okay most importantly. am i going to discontinue or not?

i dont want to. there are so many stories left in my drafts that i long for everyone to read. im just holding onto hope that someday in my heart, my love for writing would come back. and i fucking hope it does.

my other works, like the sickening blame. that book is so infuriating, i swear. i had written that because i was inspired on a what if scenario that i wanted to write. but ive never gotten to that point cause the story felt like it doesnt make sense. (or more like, i didnt plan shit and i just started writing while going with the flow). at that point, i was writing, thinking the reader is an oc and not as you, the reader. which i know some people dont like. but i still kept it up because there are readers who likes that book (im rambling again oops)

😔😔😔 i hate this ok thats it.

for the ones that are still here, i love yall. you guys are precious to me. bye