A Taste of Heaven and Hell [COMPLETED]

TWENTY-FIVE

TWENTY-FIVE

KELLAN DRAKE DONOVAN

Damn this shit! Fuck!

Oo, ginamit ko siya sa simula. Ginamit ko siya para makalimutan ko si Andrea. But eventually, minahal ko na si Viane. Pero dumating agad si Andrea and all the flashbacks that we had are filling my head. I can't her and Viane get out my head.

Am I loving two persons at the same time? Fuck! Is that even possible?

I love Viane. But I still also love Andrea. I don't fucking know! Hindi ko alam kung sino ang mas mahal ko.

I drove my car away to the nearest bar. I need to think. I need time. I need to know who's in my heart. I want to leave Viane alone for herself. I don't want to hurt her but here I am hurting her.

I also called Max para samahan ako. Umupo ako sa isang itim na couch at nakita ko si Max may dala-dalang dalawang bote ng alak. Umupo siya sa tabi ko. "What's the problem, man? Bigla ka lang nag-aya."

Parang pinagsisihan ko pang dito ako pumunta. I can't fucking think here! "We broke up,"

"Who? Viane?" I didn't answer him but I know he understands it. "Oh, you fucked up again?" he chuckled. "Ano naman ba ang kagaguhan ang ginawa mo?"

"She saw me and Andrea kissed." wala sa sariling sagot ko. May lumalapit sa aking mga babae pero pinapaalis ko sila.

"Ow, man! That's an major offense! Why did you two kissed, huh? You still love her?" sabay tungga ng alak niya. Binigyan niya rin ako ng shotglass at straight na ininom ko rin iyon.

"Yeah?" I answered in a very low tone. But possible for him to hear it.

"But you also love Viane?"

"Yeah."

Nakita kong umiling si Max. I really fucked up. "I knew it. Alam kong ginagamit mo lang si Viane. I've known you for sixteen fucking years, man. I could see you visibly. Alam kong mahal mo pa rin si Andrea pero ayaw mong aminin sa sarili mo iyon. Dahil nasasaktan ka pa rin. Dahil hindi ka pa rin nakamove-on. Now, you broke a girl for your own fucking good." Napahilamos ako sa mukha ko. Damn. I am so guilty. "Who do you want to be with right now?"

"V-Viane..."

"Mahal mo si Andrea. Mahal mo rin si Viane. Pero mas gusto mong makasama ngayon si Viane pero hindi nawawala sa isip mo si Andrea," he tsked. "I get it. You are really a fucked up. Leave Viane, bro. Masasaktan lang siya sa iyo."

Pero mahal ko si Viane. Ayaw ko siyang iwan. "Why would you tell Viane you love her and love another girl?" he tsked again for the nth time. I drank another shot of glass. He laughed. "Ewan ko sa'yo, bro."

Nag-inuman pa kami ng maraming beses. May dumaan na babae at binigyan kami ng tig-iisang shot ng beer. Nilibre pa kami ng isa pang bote kaya marami na rin akong nainom pero mas marami ng nainom si Max. Medyo lasing na rin ito.

I'm slightly drunk. I thought of Viane. Her smiles, her laughs, her whines, her complains, the way she talks, the way she works hard to cook for me, the way she eats, the way she sleeps with a pillow, the way she faces focused on her laptop and her books. I love it. I love her. If I love her enough, why do I love another woman?

Maybe I really don't love Andrea. I'm in lust with her. We met for the first time then we already had sex. Sex is our own basis of love. We loved each other through sex. And society knows that's not how love works.

Damn, I am so sorry, Viane.

Tinapik ako ni Max sa braso. Nakita kong pumipikit na siya pero pilit niya iyong binubuksan. Masasabi kong lasing na nga kami. I can't think straight pero si Viane ang laging laman ng utak ko. "You okay, pare?" Hindi ako sumagot pero tumungga lang ako ng tatlong alak. "Alam mo, pare, piliin mo kung sino ang laging nagpapasaya sa'yo. Lagi kang pinapangiti kahit mabigat ang poblema mo. Piliin mo ang gusto mong protektahan. Hindi puro lang sa kama. Hindi naman sa kinakampihan ko si Andrea o si Viane. Sinasabi ko lang ay habulin mo kung sino talaga ang mahal mo. Kung sino sa dalawa ang ayaw mong mawala sa buhay mo." Lasing na nga 'to, kahit ano ng mga bagay ang sinasabi eh.