Dear Diary

I hate him

I hate him for all the things he never did ...
I hate him for making me feel Things I never could with anyone else
I hate him for making me want him
I hate him for looking a t me
I hated him even more for not looking at me
I hate him for making me feel the flutters for thevwry first time
I hate him for not talking to me
Hate him for not coming up to me
I hate him cos he never held my hand
I hate him for never kissing me
I hate him for never letting me run my hands through his curly fucking hair
I hate him for looking so cute
I hate him for having such deep dark brown eyes which looked ever so deeply in mine I almost died
I hate him for liking the colour pink
I hate how he makes me miss him all the damn fucking time
Even as I sit here in my dorm room in a new city as I always wished and yeah
I hate him for not choosing the same clg as mine even though he had an option.
I hate him again for not trying any fucking single thing and not even a single approach towards me as I was the only thing that would hinder his preparation...
Huh tan?
Are you happy now
Have you got a girlfriend already?
Cos you're a fucking playboy
You always were weren't you .
Yes you were
You ....
You..
You.
You're just so
So .... I really wanna see you tan
But I don't want you to see me cos I'm not the pretty palak you once  witnessed. You literally came to me when I was in my prime and I diidnt even know that . Like fr I had the best fucking hair and skin days and I wasn't even aware of it though i was thankful and grateful for it every single time ....
But now not anymore
People aren't as interested in me as they once were before in December 23 oh what a year it was
2023
LITERALLY my peak era
2024 wasn't bad either
But yeah I spent it without seeing you
So...
God I really wish I had a person to talk to when im feeling down
God please just one person please hm?
Just a single person I look upto talk all day and once I do I constantly smile to myself and just fucking be happy over that convo.
I ask for this universe ....please...
Im not begging tho
I k I deserve it .
And I will have that kinda person in my life someday and that da is not far .I fathom. My gut tells me
I will be prettier happier skinnier healthier and have great skin then ....
But who would it be .
Would it be someone like pink
No I deserve far better
I deserve so much more
....
I wish upon the universe this new year in 2025 to have the biggest academic comeback of all time and have a loving person to talk to everyday who will make me happy
Very happy
I deserve it
I wish for the universe to give me one single fucking boy though I won't mind many more others that love to talk to me and are comfortable with me and look after me all the time please God
Universe ik I deserve it please yeah?
They'll love to talk to me