Never Let Go||A Destiel AU Fanfiction

Chapter 9

"Pain is like rain, it covers your skin and soaks in bone-deep, but it eventually recedes and allows fresh things to grow." -T.A Webb

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Cas' Point of View

Dean didn't come back.

Castiel wasn't surprised, Cas could still remember what he did when he was drunk; and right now, Cas hated himself for the stupid things he had told Dean; he ruined his friendship with him.

Cas didn't mean to tell Dean the truth about his sexuality, much less mention Lucas; he hated that he actually attempted to flirt with Dean, when Cas knew, even when drunk, that he was straight, and in love with Lisa.

Castiel's head thudded with a burn; unfamiliar, but also known as a hangover. He sighed, the late morning sun shining through the white curtains; he felt regret in his gut, for telling Dean to find him love...he hated that he said that, made him seem like a desperate 15 year old girl.

In harsh reality, Cas was a prissy, whiny 15 year old girl...Cas wanted love, he wanted to be loved, not just by looks, nor how much money he had, just for who Cas was as a person. But, Castiel wasn't sure who exactly himself was either. His aunt had left him right when he walked through the hospital doors, his siblings were basically on a different planet, and Lucas left Cas for a rich, good-looking, person.

However, who was Cas?

Castiel, himself, had no idea who he actually was...he was only underneath a label, a patient, wasting his days on treatments after treatments.

Cas sighed, knowing that it wasn't worth it spending so much time thinking who he was.

Lisa was bound to come soon, and he wouldn't be able to look at her in her eyes, because of the wrenching guilt of flirting her boyfriend.

Cas did think Dean was attractive, but, seeing them together? He could not see that, perhaps in one of his dreams, he could see it.

Lisa walked in, long, black hair in a tight ponytail. Instead of offering her wide grin, her lips were pressed in a tight line, as if she was sealing an unbearable secret. She carried a different vibe with her, not her usual joyful self, she was acting different.

"Morning," She said in a serious tone, pulling out an orange bottle of pills from her pocket.

"Hi," Cas greeted quietly, watching her open the first bottle, revealing another new set off pills, she dumped 1 of the round, dark blue pills into the palm of her hand, ignoring Castiel's gaze, "are you alright?"

"I'm fine." She replied, not changing her tone, her shaky hand grabbing another bottle of pills from her pocket, angrily slamming the new bottle on his tray, a different set of pills clattering to the floor. Cas slowly dragged himself out of bed to help the girl, but Lisa pushed him back, oddly roughly, tears in her big, brown eyes. "I got it." She barked.

"Are you ok-" Castiel started, slinking back into his bed.

"Is Dean cheating on me?" She requested, setting down the multiple bottles of pills.

"No! Of course not!" Cas exclaimed, shocked at her question.

"You could tell me the truth, I won't get mad." She whispered, voice getting softer.

"I am telling you the truth, Dean loves you-"

"Why does he never tell me then?" She sobbed, "Why-Why does she spend so much time away from me? Why is he only with you?"

Castiel wasn't sure about that, wasn't sure why Dean chose to spend any time with him...

"Does he love you instead?" She asked, lip trembling.