Never Let Go||A Destiel AU Fanfiction

Chapter 29

"Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead." -Oscar Wilde

~
Castiels' Point of View

Cas was washing the dishes after dinner; roasted pork with vegetables, scrubbing at the hard to get stains, when Jess appeared beside him, long blonde locks and smart eyes.

She picked up a towel and began to dry off the plates.

"So," she started, "I suppose you didn't have enough concealer to cover that up?"

Castiel flushed red, he had hoped the hickey was covered by his collar, but of course, someone had to have seen it. Jess laughed lightly, a smile over her pretty face.

"I'm just teasing Castiel," she said, "I guess Dean is recovering, right?"

Cas shrugged, "I don't know how he is honestly."

"Oh Castiel," Her round blue eyes absentmindedly turned back, as if checking if there was a chance Dean could hear, "I would take him to a therapist."

"I've gave that some thought." Cas replied, "But trust me, Dean would never want to tell someone his problems...unless it's a person he trusts."

"I understand," She paused, thinking, "Has he been this distant since the news?"

Cas nodded, "This hickey is only here because I practically begged him to touch me."

"I don't know how you do it, I mean Dean is so stuck in grief...how do you handle him not being him?"

"I don't know." Castiel said quietly, "I guess I  love him too much."

She nodded quietly, a grimace forming on her face, "If my Sam was this distant, I would do anything to get him back."

"And what if it doesn't happen? What if your Sam doesn't come back?"

The girl set the plates down, and chuckled softly, "I guess I'd get lost with him. That's how much I love him."

Cas thought about what she said, and realized that he was getting lost too, just like Dean. And the more he tried, the worse Dean became.

So, should he just remain lost? Like the dark green eyed man that used to grin at anything?

It shocked Cas, by how the death deeply wounded Dean. He thought Dean would weep for weeks and gradually learn from grief.

The image of Cas dead and Dean without him was unsettling.

Dean would be even more lost than he already is.

"Jess," Castiel started, "What would you do?"

She sighed, "There's a lot of things you could do. But I know Dean, and I know he's stubborn sometimes..." She stopped, turning to look at Cas, "If I was you, I would-" she thought for a bit, before shrugging softly, "I suppose I'd never let go."

And Cas took in those three words, simplistic but somehow powerful, and decided to do what he's always been doing,

He's never letting go.

~

Castiel went to the grocery store, picking up a few ingredients for a pie, which he knew Dean would devour...at least, the Dean who he missed.

He came back home, around 5 p.m, inching for Dean to be sober, and to his pleasant surprise, Dean was up.

"Dean," Cas said cheerfully, "I brought some food to make an apple pie, you want that love?"

Dean nodded, sitting on a stool and watching Cas attempt to make a pie. He ended up with a messy counter and a flushed face. He heard a laugh, too memorable to forget. Dean, a healthy chuckle slipped through his mouth.

The sound ran goosebumps on Cas' arms, it was so familiar that it was shocking he almost forgot how it sounds.

"Now we wait for it to bake, and hopefully it tastes good-"

"Lisa is better than me." Dean mustered up, eyes glaring over once again, "Did she even want Charlotte? Was she relieved?"

"You don't know how she feels-"

"But...I can see it in her face. The sadness isn't there."

"People have different forms of grief."

Dean nodded slowly, while Cas sat beside him, taking Deans' cold hands into warm ones. Dean glanced at him, analyzing him from his eyes to his lips.

"I haven't loved you." He whispered, "You look-needy."

"I'm not needy for your touches, or kisses, or anything of the sort. I'm needy for you to be back."

Dean sniffed, eyes softer and understanding. And, all at once, Dean leaned in and kissed him. Castiel let out a quiet sound, mixed in with surprise and delight, he kissed back. Dean pulled him even closer, heat wrapping around them in a quick second.

The kiss felt the same, not cold and forced, but warm and love snaked through it like a spell.

Dean pulled away after a few seconds, telling Cas how much he loved him.

Castiel smiled, wishing and hoping that this nightmare would end. That they would eat pie and watch movies and laugh endlessly over stupid, silly things.

Dean frowned, and looked down. "What do you think happened to Charlotte?"

Cas' smile slid off his face; the dream that lasted only mere seconds ended, and he was back into shallow reality, into a world where Dean didn't crack dumb jokes and play music that echoed through the apartment. No, this world was hauntingly silent, with only unbearable tension linked in the atmosphere.

Cas did nothing but listen to Dean blab about what could have happened to the infant. He watched the eyes he loved turn dull, the face fading away.

And all Cas could do

Was never let go.

~

Hey guys!

Sorry for the lack of updating, I had a writer's block (again ;-;)

Anyways, how are you guys doing? :3

I hope y'all are good and I'll update soon! Have a great week! :D