Never Let Go||A Destiel AU Fanfiction

Chapter 15

"Don't trust too much. Don't love too much. Don't hope too much, because that too much can hurt so much." ~Unknown

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Cas Point of View

He had been getting worse.

He was packed on with a new set of pills, larger, and every Monday, he was called for a scan to see if anything else was wrong with him.

Cas greeted Lisa every morning, a bright smile on her face told enough to Cas that she was still with Dean, he didn't want to ask her, he didn't need to; the way she always came in with a phone in her ear, Dean on the phone, her laughing and smiles showed that everything was well with Dean and Lisa, they were dating, while Cas was dying.

Dean came in, a few days after the incident between them.

He wasn't angry.

Although he did set a distance between themselves, he didn't have anger in his face, it wasn't radiating off his built body, instead he seemed tense, worried.

He went around the room.

And instead of pulling the chair up to Cas' bed, he just sat on it, away from Cas' wandering hands.

"I want to make something clear Cas," Dean started, eyes trailing around the room, "we are not together, you got that?"

Cas swallowed down the lump down his throat before he nodded.

"We're friends, no more, no less." Dean continued on, green eyes finally resting on Cas blue ones. "I decided that you don't need a relationship, because, let's face it, you're dying right?"

Cas blinked quickly, trying to shove his tears away.

"You're sick, I'm not, right? At least, that's how you tell me every time I try to get close." Dean went on, voice getting harder, as if he was pushing back all of his tenderness away, to make room for the harsh side of Dean Winchester. "So, yeah, I'll admit it, you're unhealthy, you're sick, you're dying...You like that? Huh? For me not to sugarcoat any little bit of reality?" Before Castiel could reply, the man kept going, "Sorry to tell you Cassy, but you would never have love in your short life, unless that 'grand love of your life' is a prick who only came back when he felt like it."

Cas was silent.

There were no words at how useless and unworthy he felt at that very moment.

It was as if a hole was cut open his chest, releasing all his internal organs, leaving an empty vessel behind.

Castiel wanted to cry, the tears stung behind his eyes, as he turned away to look from Dean, forcing his eyes on a blank spot of the wall, while he forced his own pain back down.

He had just been told that he was useless because he was dying.

He would never complete his list.

He would never be important to anyone, except himself.

He was just a sick man, who had desperate attempts to find love.

Cas let out a long breath, glancing back at Dean, and Cas could've sworn, for at least a second, there was regret in his pool of green orbs.

But it disappeared at quick as he got up.

"I am not your boyfriend," he said firmly, "after all, you did say you weren't worth all the trouble huh?"