A single bullet // M.C ✔️

50

"I-," I was just staring at the screen trying to come up with some kind of excuse. I didn't want to straight up just tell her when we aren't even together, just a couple of kisses here and there to stop each other freaking out. I didn't even know what we are. "I-,"

"I'm not going to be mad, Nic," she relaxed her features, handing me my phone back, making me instantly lock it and pocket it.

"I don't think you're going to be mad, Kensie, just confused..."

"Getting more confused over the fact you haven't explained yet, does Michael know?" She raised a hand, recoiling slightly, making me smile softly, letting out a soft chuckle.

"Yes, he knows. Not that much of a creep, Kens," I hit her hand down. "We kind of kissed?"

"You don't sound so sure about that, Nic," she raised a brow, turning the tv off as this was more important and interesting than the tv just giving background noise.

"It just happened... more than once." I trailed off. "I don't know. It just happened, and I don't know what you are, and you know how my mind gets. I don't even really think the kiss meant that much to him. It'll really hurt if it didn't, cause it meant a lot to me."

"Nic, you're rambling again." She smiled softly, resting a hand on my knee. "Maybe you should ask him?"

"I can't do that!" I gasped, shaking my head. "It'll scare him away, and as much as he sometimes does my head in, I can't lose him. Even if we just tolerate each other."

"You know what you should do, write."

An empty journal was perched on top of my snow-coloured wooden desk as I just stared down at it, a black biro in my hand, lightly tapping the end against the book. Kensie was right, I should write, but not an article; there's nothing to do. But a personal journal sounded ideal.

Well, Nicky, here you are, writing in a book that will hold all your feelings and thoughts out in the public eye. Feels a bit odd, doesn't it? Being able to write without wondering what thousands of people will think. Kensie suggested I do this to get my mind off everything happening with Michael, but I fear this will just put it back in my mind. He'll probably be mentioned loads in this, so sorry future me reading this. Maybe I should ask Luke to give me a report... sidetracking.

"Fucks sake," I muttered, placing the pen down on the paper.

"Lost in your mind again, darling?" I spun around at Michael's voice and held my hand out to him, quickly retreating it as I remembered who I was doing this to. He smiled softly, shaking his head and grabbing my hand. "Don't do that, couples hold hands."

"We aren't a couple, Michael." I couldn't stop the words leaving my mouth as I watched his face fall. I wanted nothing more than in that moment to pull the words back and swallow them, stopping them from ever leaving; but this is the real world. There's no backspace to delete words; everything is final. "I didn't mean it like that." I spluttered out, forcing my body to stand, journal long forgotten about.

"No, it's fine, Nicky, we aren't a couple." Coldness covered my hand as he let it go and took a step back.

"I didn't mean it like that, Michael-," I tried to explain, taking a step towards him. "I mean you haven't officially asked me..." I reached for his hand yet again, smiling softly as he let me grab it.

"I'm not ready for that yet, Nic..."

"I know," I didn't let the smile fall from my face as I heard the words I knew would come, but it didn't make the pain any less than what it was. Couldn't let Michael know how much they actually hurt me. "With Lauren and everything-," shit.

He snatched his hand away from my own.

"I didn't tell you about her so you can use her against me, Nicky," he spoke with proper, clear disgust in his tone.

"I weren't using her against you, Michael. I just..."I don't know how to fix the look he was giving me, barely even glancing over in my direction. "Mikey, please," I felt my voice crack slightly as I spoke those two words, making him instantly look at me and sigh.

"Don't cry, Nic," he pulled me into his warmth, making me sigh as he didn't hate me. I didn't know how I would feel if he actually did. "I'm sure I'll be ready to be yours officially one day, just not yet. I know me and Lauren never dated, but she was the last person I was so close to other than the boys. I can't have anything happen to you. I don't think I could live with myself if you got killed."

"I don't think I'll ever get killed, Michael, not till we're grey and old and I die of old age." I muttered, wrapping my arms around him. "I'm not going to throw myself into this gang shit and go hunting for trouble. I'm not that kind of person, but I understand where you're coming from." I let the older man know, sighing as I closed my eyes, urging the extra tears that resurfaced away. I knew it would take a lot for Michael to fully knock his walls down for me and let me in, let me be his partner, and now we kissed. It made me realise I never really hated him.

I was just confused.

"We're going to be okay," I muttered when no more words were shared.

"We are."

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