A single bullet // M.C ✔️

95

"Life has gone crazy, hasn't it?"

"You don't have to tell me twice," I said, looking lazily over at Kensie. I sighed before letting a smile fall onto my face. "If you'd told me all those years ago, we'd be here. I would have told you to go away." I joked, leaning my head back and letting my mind get carried away by the music. It had been a while since we had been able to get away just the two of us. She was always off with Luke, and I was usually on little side quests with Michael. The night sky was lit up above us by thousands of little stars, and the moon was high in the sky as we sat on the roof.

Michael's run-away spot had been shared with me for whenever I needed it, and with strict instructions not to show everyone. I could show Kensie, knowing she'll love it. An abandoned iPad lay next to her on the soft red checkered blanket, long forgotten as the sky took over her mind, getting lost in it.

"You seem relaxed," I stated, pushing her shoulder slightly so she briefly looked over at me. Her eyes were soft, without a care in the world, as her features were fully relaxed. There wasn't a single scowl or frown on her face before she looked back up to the sky.

"I am," was all that was said before she went silent again, watching the stars twinkle up above. "Isn't our life so mental though, Nick? The only thing we had to worry about is what we're having for dinner." Her laugh echoed off the rooftop before settling and going silent again. "Now it's if our boyfriends will make it back home alive..." I hummed softly in agreement, looking over the skyline.

"Again, life has gone crazy." I repeated her words back to her, leaning back on my hands so I was at an angle looking up. "Do you think you could ever leave this?"

"Maybe." Almost instantly her answer came, her voice now properly reduced to a whisper as if someone could be listening - there's no chance of that. "But I couldn't lose Luke over it. I would rather him choose when enough is enough and walk away, and I follow instead of the other way."

"Has he ever mentioned that?" It caught my attention as I had never pictured Luke wanting to leave, the way he spoke about it all the time and how he spoke about it to me. It made sense; if he left, he could see his family again. But if he really wanted to see them badly, he would have already walked, the boys would have let him, and he wouldn't have spilled anything to the police. He stayed.

"Not since recently, I think you scared him."

"Me?" Shock was clear on the surface of my voice as I looked back up at the sky, watching the clouds gently float by.

"You scared him, Nicky, when you were taken, when you miscarried. He wants a family in the future, I know he does, but he's scared I'll be in harm's way. You and Michael are strong enough to deal with that how you have, and I don't have a clue how you have." She shook her head, purple flying out sideways as she moved and sat cross-legged, picking up her iPad and placing it delicately on her lap.

The truth is, we haven't fully dealt with it. We just didn't think we needed to air everything out to our friends. Every night, we wake up in panic, and images flood my mind whenever I sleep and Michael is away. There's a slight panic that shoots through me when something goes bump in the apartment, only to be Pingu or in the corridor. We both have crying sessions and hold them as secrets, not wanting to burden our friends with our issues - there's too much going on for that. The way Michael shuts down and just goes silent on me when he's on his phone looking at baby websites constantly reminds me that our baby would be this size by now. We weren't strong enough to deal with it; we were just good at hiding it from everyone, only doing it in the comfort of our own company.

"I never really took Luke as a family man."

"He loves his family, Nic. I always think there's slight regret over doing this lifestyle, but then I see how he is. There's something in his eyes as he does it that I know wouldn't be there with a normal nine to five job. He was made for this. You must see it in Michael," I pondered over her words as my hands brushed through my hair, gathering it all and pulling it over my shoulder, letting the cool breeze hit the one side of my neck.

"I do," I knew exactly what she was on about. The slight, clear joy that appears when he physically has to go out and fight, the way he locks himself in the office when he's busy (even though I hate that). He was his own boss; he can work when he wants. He wouldn't survive in a job where he has to follow orders. There's a reason there are four leaders.

"We just have to suck it up..." words hung in the air before I absorbed them. "Has Michael ever mentioned leaving?" It was something we had undoubtedly discussed before, but never resolved into an actual outcome. I always imagined that if it came to it, he would leave it for me to protect me. However, as time passed, I realised there was only one real reason he would: if I got pregnant again. While I was extra careful, there was always a small chance of it happening, and I knew it was always on Michael's mind. But at the same time, I felt that would motivate him to be even more cautious and continue this life. If he could, he would have both until I walked away, taking our baby out of harm's way. It wasn't that easy, though.

"Not really... talks have happened over what would happen if one of us got severely hurt, near death and at that point we leave without a trace. Grab a home back in the London countryside somewhere but other than that no. He loves the power he has over people too much, the way he can make members run with just one look if they are not listening to him."

"You're stuck forever, aren't you?" There was slight disappointment in her voice that was creeping in, and I knew it was over the fact I would willingly let Michael dictate my life and when we go.

"Hey, you're the same with Luke."

"But I also know he would think about me in every scenario, no questions asked. Michael..."

"Would do the same if needed." I instantly cut her off, not wanting to hear her slate him. Michael had his flaws, but I know if I really wanted us to, he would drop this hat at the word leave. There would be no overthinking, no doubt if it meant us forever and a lifetime of events to celebrate.

"Is it going to reach that point?" There was a hint of something in her tone, uncertainty making it instantly click what she was on about.

I want to experience the full thrill and have crazy stories to tell my kids when they understand what Mom and Dad did, why they did it. When they were old enough to not view us as killers but people helping others, everything always has a reason, and it'll be better if they know that when they get told. I want to be the cool mom they want to hear stories from and about my life before them, the mom they aren't embarrassed about. And I think that's pretty badass. How many other kids at their schools would have the stories like mine? It's like having a famous parent in a band for ten plus years who has many albums and number ones; plenty of stories about fans and concerts with plenty of videos to show. I just want them to be proud.

And one glance at Kensie in this light was showing me she feels the same way as she looked over the street below, getting wet with rain. I was glad I had her in this life because without her, I think I would go stir crazy. And I know she would do anything for me... no matter what it was.