A single bullet // M.C ✔️

83

This is a stupid idea, as the message to Morgan stayed lit up on my phone. His reply came quite quickly, faster than expected. A simple 'at work today can come over tomorrow'. Relief filled me as I reread the message to make sure I didn't make it up in my mind.

My fingers moved too quickly to tell Michael as he was in the office that Morgan can't do tomorrow, so we plan to have to happen tomorrow instead. More time to make the plan more refined. Receiving a quick 'fuck' message and that was that. A faint, dull pain pierced through my back, triggering a smile as memories resurfaced.

The soft whispers in my ear and the gentle touches on my skin brought a sense of reassurance, promising that everything would be okay and we would be fine. His fingers moved swiftly and softly, creating a calming flow of peace within me. This was an entirely new experience for me. His deep, soothing voice, slightly murmured, matched my own, and after everything that had transpired, listening to him pluck at the strings on his lap, weaving pure music into the night air, was incredibly relaxing.

To the side of me my laptop stood proud on my blanket heating up the small patch underneath of my bed, my notice staring brightly back at me. It had been a while since I had even published an article or even stepped foot into that building; weren't even sure I had much of a job left. I had been too busy, too preoccupied to write articles on the boys; my family. All that I needed to do was just one small click and that part of my life flew away right into Luke's inbox saying goodbye to my reporter life. But did I really want to do it?

Pingu was next to me, purring softly as he rubbed his head against my bedding, closing his eyes and settling down, ready for another nap of the day. What a life he has. I hadn't mentioned the fact that I want to do this with Michael, but I have secrets that he doesn't know, and if what Michael and Kensie mentioned to happen eventually happens... I don't need a job for that. Rumours had spread in the group chat that was muted for months that I had been replaced anyway, that I was only still there because I was fucking the boss (gross), and I didn't have it in me to reply and give them any satisfaction. I didn't have any interest in walking into that building flooded with my memories of how I was treated, how I had such a shitty boss before Luke, whose only care and thought was an amazing story. Who cares if someone got hurt? Not him.

That was all I had to think about before I quickly clicked down on the send icon. That's it, I've handed my notice in and resigned. The email didn't bounce back, I can't pull it back out of his inbox. It was done and I felt... lighter. Less stressed and more open.

A few pings sounded from my phone, Kensie, news travels fast. My eyes read the few words on the small device asking what have I done? Clearly Luke's already read the email. With no hesitation I replied and typed one a quick message just telling her I'll tell her later. I have my reasons for what I did and at the moment I don't have to reveal. There was no need to reveal. Kensie was smart and I knew she would figure out or already know the exact reason why I did what I did, she just had to ask for Luke's sake. I had told her about Morgan and Michael wanting to meet up with him with this whole fabricated plan and story and even she said it was stupid but no one can go against his wishes and how he wants to play this. If it gets Noah out the picture was repeated to me making me sigh, I'm worried about him was sent back before a long lecture and message was sent back to my phone. Michael wasn't changing his mind.

Soft meows hit my ears as Pingu woke and was demanding food,

"Sorry handsome boy, I'll go get your food ready," I had been lost in thought that a few hours had passed by silently and quickly; half the day already gone and I had just been sitting in bed. Slowly I dragged my body into the kitchen and spooned Pingu some food into his bowl lightly calling him and hearing his paws hit against the floor. My stomach rumbled but I didn't make any move to even make myself something, it's late in the day and I haven't eaten but my minds to chaotic. I felt sick.

I urged for some normality in this life and that will only come after Noah; it all comes back to Noah which means the plan has to happen. A very low sigh left my lips as I closed my eyes trying to ground myself before I spiral and run away. I needed Michael. I needed someone. My normal escape would have been to write and publish, let the world see my thoughts and either agree or criticise, but that's all gone.

"Fucking hell," I caught my reflection in the mirror by the door freezing and frowning as I let my eyes trail down my body to where my hand had found home. On my stomach. A sob instantly left my lips as my knees buckled and an avalanche of emotions hit me like a truck. I couldn't stop the tears racing down my face and the broken sobs leaving my lips as I just stared at myself. If I had a normal life, if Michael weren't a gang leader I would be pregnant with a baby still growing in my tummy. They wouldn't be left to soon out in the world somewhere. Sadness had become my constant companion, a permanent emotion that consumed me. I yearned for this release, this cathartic release.

Movement was outside the door making my body freeze and a shiver appear; one hand over my stomach, one slapped over my mouth.

"Nicky?" I looked at a very disheveled Michael who was staring at me wide eyed "holy shit." He rushed over and knelt down beside me, pulling me into a warm embrace. This was exactly what I had been craving and yearning for. Comfort and warmth, something that had been ripped away from me. "It's ok baby,"

Baby, the word sent fire through me and caused another sob to leave my parted pale lips. I had bitten them raw once again trying to cause a bit of pain to calm me back down. It didn't work.

"Shit!" Michael's panicked voice was loud and clear as I was pulled tighter and closer, chin firmly on the top of my head. "We will get through this Nicky. Together."

"Forevers a fucking long time Michael," I had finally found my voice, raw and scratchy, sniffing as I did.

"That's what I'm counting on Ni," he murmured kissing the crown of my head and sighing into my hair "I'm not going anywhere."

"What if I did?" I left the air leave his lung as he stopped breathing for a moment his arms tightening around me as if I would slip through his fingers right at this moment. "I'm not, but what if I did? The baby's already gone."

"It just weren't time for the baby Nicky and we know next time to be better, more careful. You won't be leaving if I can help it," I said, pursing my lips and looking up, uncertainty evident in my features. He couldn't guarantee that. In this life, anything is possible. Remember Sam? He climbed into and broke into a high apartment building for goodness sake! He couldn't promise me that, but he could promise to keep me safe from the outside world. However, can he keep me safe from myself? I have no idea.

My mind is my worse enemy sometimes and sometimes it wins very easy. Nothing could happen to me without effecting everyone around me. But if it came to it, something would have to happen.

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