A single bullet // M.C ✔️

77

"I never really took you as a cat person, Nic," Kensie smiled, rubbing the back of Pingus's neck as he softly purred on her lap, curled up in a small ball.

"I just needed something..." I muttered softly, watching the scene, happy that she's in love with the kitten; I couldn't handle another freak-out about him.

"After..." everyone had been so careful not to mention the huge bombshell I had and my 'kidnapping,' but it was now annoying me.

"Just say it, Kensie," I spoke carefully so it wouldn't be shown as being pushy, but I needed people to mention it. It was part of my life, and I didn't want to push it away.

"Noah." She snapped out the name, causing me to flinch slightly before nodding.

"Just for when Michael's out so I'm not alone. I know Pingu won't be much, but it's something, right?"

"You don't have to give a reason." She moved her hand from Pingu, placing it delicately on my knee.

"It's not just for that, though, Kens," I looked up, sighing and closing my eyes, feeling them fill with rivers of tears as I thought it over. "It's to fill the hole I have..."

"Nicky, you're scaring me." She whispered, rubbing my knee.

"I lost my baby." I watched as her skin paled and her mouth dropped. I watched as her lips moved, but no words hit my ears. I watched as she went into a panic as I didn't respond to anything sent my way. And I watched as she reached for her phone. I didn't know what she was going to do, but it set me out of whatever I was stuck in.

"Kensie, don't!" I yelled, reaching for her phone. "no one knows." I spoke as clearly as I had all day, making sure she was clear on what I really meant.
'Michael doesn't know.'

"He doesn't know..." I shook my head instantly.

"With everything that happened, I didn't want to throw another bit of fuel to the fire. He would kill Noah over it." I hissed out.

"Nic, he needs to know."

"What? That he lost a baby boy or girl because I was taken? I didn't know I was pregnant at that time, Kensie. And we know if I knew, and he knew, I wouldn't have been able to go. I wouldn't have gotten the answers I did."

"He needs to know." She repeated, spacing each word out.

"And he'll then keep me out of everything I need to know, Kensie. I can't be isolated in this life," I begged, leaning forward. "I can't do that. I'm needed." I knew she couldn't deny that. I was technically needed and knew that I'm linked to two members. I was in more danger. I had been taken once away from them, from Michael. Anything can happen.

"What do you think it was...?" She asked, leaning back, knowing what I said was true.

"It was too early to know, Kensie. I was only like 2-3 weeks."

"You must have had a thought, though, Nicky. A gut feeling deep inside."

"I think it was a boy..." I finally muttered out after thinking about it. "My sweet little Hudson..."

"Hudson." She smiled softly, with a fond look before nodding. "Cute name, Nic."

"Thanks," I moved and gently picked Pingu up, placing him on my own lap in my arms, listening as he purred gently, nuzzling against my stomach.

"What are you going to do?"

"I'll eventually tell him, Kens," I stated firmly. "When life isn't so hectic and we can be together to heal properly."

"But you need to heal, Nic," she pushed slightly, making me sigh and nod.

"And I will... I need to heal with Michael with what happened with us and Noah; me and Noah." I corrected, looking down, counting the grooves on the wooden floor, distracting my mind. "You have to understand, Kensie, that I will tell him when I'm ready. I just don't want to pile on extra shit to the baggage he already has."

"I know you will, Nicky," she shook her head. "But I also know he'll be hurt if you don't and if he finds out by himself."

"He won't." I instantly said, looking back up at her, locking eyes. "There's no way he can."

"Hospital..."

"They won't say." I corrected. "I told them not to. Look, just give me time." I pushed, feeling slightly annoyed at the fact that she was pushing this so much. I will tell Michael, and I know I will, but I need time; I need to decide when. Not Kensie, no one else.

"I know, Nicky, and I will as long as you do eventually tell him."

"And I will." I repeated sternly, making her sigh softly and nod. "Trust me, Kensie."

"I do."

My body shot up in a pure cold sweat as I breathed heavily, clutching at my chest. Michael was fast asleep next to me, lying on his stomach, his bare back on show as the blanket pooled around his hips. My hands were aching to just reach out and touch his smooth skin, just anything to bring me back to reality and away from the hell my brain had created.

My asleep mind had decided to torture me by reminding me of that day I lost Hudson. Pictures of the day flickered through my mind, haunting me, and to make it worse, it had decided to do it with Michael next to me. Luckily, he hadn't moved a muscle, so I didn't disturb him.

My legs were shaking, folded up on the bed under the blanket, as I placed my hands in my hair, sighing softly. Images of blood surrounding my feet were clear, the feeling of dread filling me as realisation hit me of what had happened to me. Anger flooded my body as I mentally cursed at Noah for killing my unborn baby, all the stress he had put me through, the overwhelming feeling I had gotten. A long, drawn-out breath left through my lips as I sighed. I just felt empty again. I had barely felt Hudson in me, but as soon as I knew he was there growing, it filled me with such joy that had now been sucked out of me.

It was just a feeling I knew I shouldn't have dealt with alone, but I also knew Michael had so much going on that he didn't need my issues added. I let my body fall backwards again, inching over to Michael and resting my head on his shoulder blade, breathing out softly.

"Nicky?" He softly mumbled, making me reply with a small hum.

"Yeah, it's me, Mikey,"

"What time is it?" He shuffled under my head slightly, making me hush him and pull my legs up and closer to his side, placing my arm over his back.

"Not important. Go back to sleep." I silently begged in my head, brushing my fingers over his side, hearing him sigh.

"I love you."

"I love you too." I gulped, feeling my voice grow thick with emotion. I was thankful that he was too tired to register my words: "So much, and I'm sorry,"I whimpered as soon as he started softly snoring again. "One day." I promised to the air before closing my own eyes, nuzzling into his back, and breathing slowly, tightening my grip on his side. "One day, we'll have our little babies, Harlow and Atticus."

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