A single bullet // M.C ✔️

79

"How are you feeling, Nicky? Told your partner yet?" Sydney wiped the ultrasound gel off my stomach, making me look shyly at her.

"I'm fine." I pulled my top back down over my stomach, glad that I had passed everything needed, and I won't need surgery to remove it.

"And Michael..." she repeated, walking over to the small sink in the small room, washing her hands, and glancing back at me.

"Still don't know." I admitted quietly. "Our life is too busy, you understand, right?" I had demanded the first sign of any issues from the gang's doctor from one of the people not close to the boys; I couldn't risk it being sent back to them. It was just a casual passerby in the gang who couldn't care less about questions that were asked. I just needed a doctor that understood what we did, that wouldn't ask too many questions I can't answer.

"He needs to know..." she sighed softly, looking over her shoulder at me.

"So Kensie keeps saying, it's just not a normal conversation, Sydney. I was pregnant and lost our baby due to what happened with Noah. He won't let me near the action if I do."

"Maybe that's the safest bet, Nicky. Kensie is fine being away from it all."

"I'm not Kensie."

"I never said you were."

"But you implied it, Sydney," I pushed my tired body up on the chair so I was sitting on the hard mattress, sighing softly. My hands barely hovered over my empty stomach. "Did I cause this?" I had woken up again in the night due to another dream of Michael shouting at me over losing our baby. Vile words were leaving his mouth that I knew were completely fake and not him, but it didn't stop the dread and upset filling me.

"No, you didn't, Nicky. So get that narrative out of your head." The way she spoke reminded me of Kensie so clearly, thankful that it did. "You do have to think though... would it have happened if you weren't so included?"

"I'm hardly included. The boys push me back every chance they get."

"Maybe it's for the best. I want to see you again in a week or so. Just make sure everything's passed. And Michael should know by then that you need someone to process your feelings to, not me and not Kensie. Your partner."

"Fine," was all I said before standing up, grabbing my bag and keys, and leaving the small building. Sydney was one of the only members I've met so far who doesn't live in the apartment block due to her practice. She just often makes home calls but also works at the hospital nearby.

"Where were you?" Michael's voice hit me as soon as I walked through his door, turning to face him fully. Worry was clear on his features as he held Pingu against his chest, letting one finger rub against the top of his head.

"Out."

"It's 11am Nicky. Where were you?" He repeated, letting my fur ball down to the ground and patter away. "I had to go get Pingu from yours to come here for work. You weren't there when I woke. I told you you needed Pingu today." He started rambling, making a small smile fall onto my face as I finally walked over to him.

"I'm fine." Was all I said, watching his features relax from their slight tense position. "Look, I forgot you had work, so I needed Pingu. You could have just left him in my place, and I would have collected him and brought him here. I just needed to go on a walk. You're acting like a stressed dad,"

"I am a dad." My heart dropped to my stomach as I stared at him begging and hoping that my face was showing confusion over any other possible emotion.

"What?" I croaked out, turning my head to the side slightly.

"Pingus dad." He nudged his head in the direction of the kitten up on his sofa, staring at us with his green eyes, causing me to let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. "I don't have a secret kid or anything, don't worry. I'm not ready for that."

"You're not ready for a child," I tried so hard to mask my emotions from him as he nodded once, running a hand through the blonde strands.

"Look at this life, Nicky. This isn't the kind of life I'm willing to bring a child into. Are you kidding? You got kidnapped from me and hurt. Imagine if that was a child."

"You kidnapped me to Michael." My tone was firm as I spoke, clenching my fist before relaxing it. Seeing where he's coming from, but knowing it's an invalid argument, "it's people like you that do that." I wanted to suck the words right out of the air as soon as they travelled to his ears. Watching his face sink was an emotion I didn't want to see again. "Mikey..."

"People like me?" He nodded once, stepping back and raising his hands up. "And I'm sorry I did that, but look at this life. You've found out so much information. You might still not know if it weren't for me."

"I didn't say I didn't like it. I'm thankful you did, Michael. You have given me answers to questions I didn't even know I had, but at the same time I've been drawn away from my job and my family that have raised me all my life. My real mom hates me. I wouldn't want this life for a child." I placed my hand over my stomach, breathing slowly and calmly, watching his face twist into all sorts of emotions, but not once did anger appear.

Confusion. Dread. Regret. Thankfulness. Love.

"Mikey..."

"If we had a child, Nicky, they would be the most loved person ever, not just by us but from the lads and Kensie. My parents would love them. If you let your adoptive mom, she would love them. Alex would, Morgan would. They would be a bundle of joy in this life," he stepped forward and placed his hand over mine that I didn't realise was still touching the skin of my stomach. "So... are you pregnant?"

Instantly I moved my hand as he tried to link them as if his touch burnt my skin, shaking my head.

"What?" How the hell has he just pulled that out of thin air unless...

"Sydney called me."

"That bitch."

"She didn't think you would tell me, Nicky, that you're pregnant."

"Don't pretend you're happy. You've just been telling me how you're not ready." I scoffed, turning around slightly. "Also, what happened to patient confidentiality?"

"She didn't think you would tell me. You were also touching your stomach. It confirmed it!" He followed me to the kitchen as I gripped the counter top facing away from him. The busy streets of New York were beneath our feet as they rushed the streets unaware of this argument happening floors above them. "Who knows?" He muttered after realising I wasn't going to answer him. "Who knows, you're pregnant, Nicky!" His voice raised, so I didn't answer, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.

"Kensie." I finally spoke, making the room fall silent. So silent you would be able to hear a pin drop.

"You told her before me? I'm the dad."

"Was."

"What?" His voice was almost gone as he whispered,

"I lost the baby, Michael." I finally let my body turn and face him, seeing his eyes filled with unshared tears and no colour in his face. "After Noah, I miscarried. Another reason I got Pingu."

"Sydney said you were pregnant."

"And I was, until I wasn't."

"I-," I watched as he stuttered shaking his head and reaching beside him to grab his keys off the counter before quickly turning and leaving his own apartment leaving me standing there lost in my own thoughts and feelings. That's why I didn't want to tell him like that or at all but I weren't mad at Sydney, she knew he wouldn't know. But now I'm back to being alone with my kitten fast asleep on Michael's bed... just wondering when he'll be back.

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