Why her? [CHAENNIE]

43

It wasn't until she was outside her own apartment door that Jennie fully realized how much she was shaking and how hard her heart was beating in her chest. Her eyes are wet with tears, and her hands are incredibly cold. The girl quickly removes all of her outer clothing and walks deep into the apartment. She is only now starting to let go and realize what just happened. Rose's gaze just stands in front of her eyes, and that alone makes Jennie want to tear up completely. Her lips tremble, a painful lump squeezes her throat, and her eyes tingle from spilled tears.

Jennie pulls out her phone to check messages and sees messages from Lisa, from Taehyung, and from her sister. The girl doesn't know what else she'd like to see now. A message from Rose? A missed phone call? Or a knock on the door? As much as her soul is tearing for her, the right thing to do right now is to just be alone. The weekend is ahead and Jennie has time to recover and decide what to do next.

She doesn't know what to do now. The excitement and the hard beating heart won't let her go and Jennie goes into the kitchen and puts the kettle on. Maybe she should have a coffee and relax. The girl stops in the middle of the kitchen and just puts her palms to her forehead, remembering and replaying in her head the events of fifteen minutes ago more and more clearly.

Did Jennie feel better? Definitely yes, but the pain only got worse. Just Rose's words her actions felt like they'd put a bunch of splinters in her lovesick and wounded heart. It hurt like hell. Does Kim regret saying what she said? No, she doesn't. If it was offered to her to replay it, she would do it again no matter what.

For Jennie, Rose's feelings are still a mystery. She knows she cares for the blonde because it's impossible to ignore. The way Rose reaches out to her against all her inner resistance, principles and fears... It's heartbreaking.

Jennie wishes she knew what was on Rose's mind. How she really feels when she's not thinking about consequences and the future. How does she feel in the here and now?

The click of the kettle brings Jennie back to reality and she realizes she's still standing in the middle of the kitchen. Maybe coffee is a bad idea and it's best to just go to bed. Her eyes hurt so much, but inside everything calms down. 

She's almost better.

Yeah, it's best to just go to sleep, and tomorrow everything will be clearer. As soon as the girl is under the cool blanket, surprisingly, she falls asleep instantly.

The brain just flipped a switch and everything went out....

Rose stood in the same spot for an unknown amount of time. Not a soul in the street; in the background, she could hear the sirens of the bustling city and the wipers of her car diligently cleaning the windshield. There are so many thoughts swarming in her head, her whole body is shivering, and she doesn't realize whether it's from cold or from wild excitement and fear. Images of Jennie just stand in front of her eyes, and she feels intense guilt for everything that happened. But did she do the wrong thing? Rose doesn't know. All she knows is that she was frankly afraid of more. She was so afraid of these feelings for Jennie. The blonde just for a split second imagined what would happen to her if they moved on and then broke up. She would just be torn apart. Rose fears that so much that she prefers not to think about what would have happened if she hadn't pushed Jennie away.

The girl turns back, seeing her car, which is already covered in snow, then sighs and walks slowly over to it and gets in. The radio is still playing quietly, the windshield wipers are clearing the snow with hypnotizing actions, and despite all the external sounds, Rose feels as if she were simply deaf - so much so that her mind is filled with thoughts.

It hurts her just knowing that she's hurting Jennie. It's so damn wrong and unfair to the girl.

Rose clutches the steering wheel with her fingers and stares blindly in front of her. She closes her eyes and takes a few deep breaths. She needs to calm down. The thoughts in her head are jumbled and it would be better to just go home and maybe tomorrow something will clear up. Does she believe it will? No, but there's no better solution right now.