Erroneous (Andy Biersack)

Chapter Eighteen

~Andy Biersack~

"Hey Jade, it's Andy. I know I've called you like fifteen hundred times. I can't stop. I need to hear your voice. I understand where you're coming from with the whole breaking up thing. But, please, will you just call me? Juliet left last night. Said her mom called, saying you were at home. Ashley said you quit merch. Bab- no not babe. Jade just-"
The beep cut off my voice. I ran my fingers roughly through my hair. I had fucked up, bad. I really have realized that I need Jade. This is the second break-up we've had. Jinxx keeps saying that maybe it's not meant to be and I may be starting to believe him. Maybe I should just let Jade go and marry Juliet like I had planned to. I didn't really know what I wanted at this point.
"Andy?" Jinxx called from downstairs. He had come over to spend a week with me after I told him Jade and I were done to make sure I was "stable."
"Yeah, coming!" I yelled.
I shrugged on my jacket and rushed down the steps.

~Jade Aslenna Simms~

I sat with my back to one wall, my knees hugged to my chest. My eyes stayed glued on the tiny little sketch of my name embedded on my white wall across the bedroom done by me as a child. The last forty-eight hours have been a blur. I flew to my mom's right after I broke up with Andy. All I've heard in the last few hours was the echoing ring of my phone. One image of Andy flashed through my mind over and over. The look of despair on his face when I took off running. The look of hurt. The flash of anger in eyes.
The material of my light blue Aeropostale hoodie around my right wrist was stained red with blood. I can't remember how many times I drug the shining metal of my mother's razor across my skin, but I did. I promised Andy I wouldn't anymore. But he promised me things too. Too many things. Too many promises broken.
My eyes closed and I opened them again to find myself staring at the broken mirror my dad had gotten me for Christmas one year. I had thrown something at it because I was tired of seeing my broken reflection. The looks on my face that resembled Andy's when I left him standing beside hiss car yelling my name haunting me. My mom left for work this morning and Juliet was downstairs sleeping.
I unraveled my fingers from being clutched together and the picture of Andy and I at the beach on California, now crumpled, fell from my hand. I tore my eyes away from the wrinkled picture that now joined the pack of cigarettes on the floor.
Cigarettes.
I picked up the carton and pulled one out, along with my lighter. No, not mine, Andy's.
I stared at it. I wanted Andy back so bad. I wanted him here holding me, assuring me everything was okay and that he loved me. But see, that was the problem. He didn't love me. He loved my sister. If he didn't love Juliet, he would've let her go a long time ago. But he didn't. He couldn't.
When Andy came into my life, I was still crawling out of depression. I was still having suicidal thoughts. I was still carrying around that pencil sharpener blade. But, he was there and I finally, after all those years, had something to live for. But now, that something is gone, and honestly, I just want to die.
And trust me, my trash can is full of suicide notes that I've tried to write in the last two days. I would find myself standing on the bridge two miles down the road, nicknamed 'Suicide Bridge' for all the people who had done there what I was about to do. Then, Andy would flash through my mind and some familiar deep voice would remind me how much he loved me. Then, I would realize how broken he would be. Even if he didn't love me, he'd blame himself for this. I know I wouldn't be able to live with a burden like that, knowing I contributed to someone's death. So here I was, still breathing, for Andy's sake.
My phone had stopped ringing in the last few minutes. Somebody gave up. Everybody eventually does.
I looked out my window. Rain was falling, heavy and hard. Sadness lurked in the dark grey skies and echoes of the howling wind filled the air. Nature fitted perfectly with my mood.

~Andy Biersack~

Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Jade lying in a hospital bed, face clammy and white, unmoving. I heard the faint continuous beep of heart monitor and I saw the green line that no longer moved up and down to Jade's melodic heart beat, but moved in a straight line, indicating that there was no life left in her.
Or sometimes, I saw her jumping off a bridge. Or with a rope around her neck.
Anything.
Just her, the love of my life, gone.
Then, I would hear Jinxx's voice and I would see him, alive. Chills would travel down my spine and I would shudder with thought of my thoughts. Then, I'd be fine.
Jinxx was worried about me. I could see it in his eyes every time he looked at me. All day, Jinxx and I have been sitting in my living room. He's been watching TV and I've been lying on the couch, sleeping, thinking, staring, crying, eating. Jade ran through my head over and over, like a song on a never-ending repeat. I could still feel her hand in mine. I could still smell her perfume on my collar. I could see her bright blue eyes in everyone I looked at. I could hear her angelic laugh everywhere. I could see her smiling at me with love and adoration sparkling in her eyes.
I could see what I hoped for. Jade and I's wedding day. Raising our children. Juliet accepting what Jade and I hav- had.
I just wanted my gorgeous angel back. I wanted her back in my arms. I wanted her back laying on top of me when we sleep. I wanted her back laughing at me. I wanted her back watching Batman with me every other Sunday in our Batman pajamas. I wanted her back having secret words with Ashley that she won't tell me the meaning of. I wanted her back drinking Jack Daniel's with me and reading Kerrang! every night. I wanted her back kissing me before every show, slapping my ass, and wishing me good luck. I wanted her back holding my hand. I wanted her back laughing at our inside jokes while everyone else looks at us like we're crazy. I wanted her back telling me she loved me.
I wanted her to call me back. I wanted her to call me back saying that she's taking me back and she loves me.
Then, I'd have everything back.

~Juliet Simms~

I crept up to Jade's room. She lay curled up in a ball in her bed wrapped in a big blanket. I sighed guiltily and grabbed her phone.
317 missed calls from Batman.
29 missed calls from Wifey.
59 missed calls from Hello Fucking Kitty aka: That Asshole Ashley. That's a long contact name. Damn.
I racked my brain for her password. I had my suspicions about Jade. Her and Andy both get jittery and nervous at the mention of each other and I'm thinking I've figured out what's going on with Andy. He and my sister have something going on. As much as I hated the thought, I was almost positive it was the truth.
1990.
That's her password. Andy's year of birth. Of fucking course.
I unlocked her phone and went to her messages. I clicked the name Batman.
You're a fucking idiot Andrew. -.-
I'm your idiot.
Don't you forget that babe.
Never.
I've gotta go. I haven't packed yet.
I love you baby.
I love you more.
No you don't. I love you more than anything.
Andy, Andy, Andy. No, no, no. I love you more than everything.
I love you most.
I love you moster.
I love you mostest.
I love you mosterest.
That's not a word. I win.
I stopped there. I was ready to be sick. I sat her phone back down and left the room. Tears were forming in my ears as I dialed Andy's number on my own phone.
"Hello?"
"We're over. Enjoy my little sister."