Erroneous (Andy Biersack)

Chapter 29

This chapter may be triggering to some. Reader discretion is advised.
Did I sound like a TV show? Like they do the 'viewer discretion is advised' on some shows?
No?
Ok.
~Ashley Purdy~

Andy was no stranger to funerals and neither was his girlfriend. They'd both lost so much and it wasn't fair to either of them. I sighed and readjusted my daughter on my hip. She was getting restless and more nervous as time went by. Ginger might look like her mother but, on the inside, the girl was all Purdy. Just as I did, she hated sadness, and it made her uncomfortable.
As her eyes scanned the crowd of people. Ginger saw it all: the running makeup, the uncontrollable sobs, the sniffling. I watched Andy rise to his feet and make his way to the stand with the microphone. Andy looked over the large crowd. Many people had showed for Amy's funeral. She was a well-liked woman who was kind and loving to everyone.
My eyes made their way to my best friend. Jade sat there with her hair curled in a plain long sleeved black dress and plain gray flats. No one was really dressed to impress for the occasion. She watched Andy with intense curiosity. This must not have been planned. Andy cleared his throat and began to speak.
"I, um, I go up on stage almost every day of the year and talk to groups of people much larger than this but, now...I just- I can't really seem to find my words. My mom...she was..." he lightly banged his hand on the stand. "I-I know that I'm supposed to be here, being me. Being Andy, the big, strong man who's here for millions of people, but I can't today. Because my mother was the one who gave me the strength to be who I am...and now...she's gone...and I can't-"
Jade stood up and rushed to the stand where Andy sported gritted teeth and was on the verge of tears.
"Andy..." she whispered. I watched her reach up and touch Andy's shoulder to pull him away.
"Don't touch me," he hissed and moved his shoulder up, his whole arm as well. He jerked away hard, and when he did the fucker accidently hit Jade. I clenched my jaw as she stumbled backwards.
"Babe, I-" Andy started to say, shot her an apologetic look, shook his head, tears streaming down his face, and then rushed out the back door of the funeral. I walked up, kissed Ginger, and handed her to Jade.
I hurried out of the back door of the funeral home and saw Andy leaning against the wall mumbling to himself and fumbling with a pack of cigarettes.
"Andy," I huffed.
He looked over at me and avoided my gaze. He sighed, "I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry for, Andy. Your mom's gone and you're having a hard time dealing with it. It's okay," I told him, awkwardly shoving my hands in my pockets.
He shook his head and blew out smoke as he talked, "It's not okay. I promised Jade I would never hurt her and I did...I did. Again."
"Again?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.
"I was drunk," Andy sighed.
I threw my hands in the air, "That's no damn excuse! You love her!"
"I know." Andy's voice was nonchalant and calm. A cigarette always calmed that man down. I took a deep breath and went to go lean against the wall with Andy.
"You know Andy, I've known you for a long time. You and I are just about as close as two people can humanly get. You've always been the strong one, just like you said. You were always there for me, the rest of the band, Jade, and so many more people. You never broke, you just kept going and going, and pushing and pushing. You buried all the hurt that had ever lived inside of you deep, deep down. Don't get me wrong, I worried about you. I still do. But, you're an independent person, Andy, and you wouldn't want me to worry about you, so I tried not to. You never shared what you were feeling. When you were missing Jade, you painted a smile on your face and did what you had to do. You never broke. But, Andy, every person that has ever lived, has a breaking point. And with this, the passing of your mother, you can't just bury your pain and forget. So now, all that hidden anger, sadness, pain, secrets, stress, all of it is reappearing and you Andy, whether you like it or not, you have reached your breaking point."
Andy inhaled and exhaled. I closed my eyes, "Jade's probably worried sick."
"I know, and I hate that. I don't want anyone fucking worrying about me. I'm not worth the time. Do you ever feel like everyone would just be so much better off without you? That whole funeral home in there wouldn't sound like a bunch of elderly people at a party had I not hit Jade, Jade wouldn't be in there worrying about me-"
"We all feel like that sometimes. But think about it Andy. No you means no BVB, no Jade- Jade would still be with that abusive disgrace of a human being-"
"I get your point but, damn I just feel like dying. I just feel like I'm a fuck up at everything."
Inhale, exhale.
"Andy, don't even think about yourself that way. You've helped millions of people and been there for so many. You've done so much."
The back door creaked open and Jade stepped out with Ginger beside her. She sighed in relief when she saw Andy and I. Andy darted off the wall and pulled Jade into him. He rested his head on her shoulder and she rubbed circles on his back in a comforting manner. He sighed, "I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. You don't deserve this. I'm sorry baby, I'm so, so fucking sorry."
"Be quiet Andy. I love you, no matter what. Forever and always, remember?" Jade asked.
Andy looked up at Jade and a small smile grew on his face and a glint in his eyes showing love, "Forever and always, Jade. Forever and always."
I sighed in happiness, enjoying the moment, and then, the casket came out the door and people started to get in cars. Andy bit down on his lip and his face grew pale. Jade knew he needed comfort and she leaned up and turned his chin to look at her. She whispered something inaudible, nodded, and started walking to his car. Jade turned to look at me, offered a reassuring nod, and followed Andy to the car.

-After the Funeral-
-At Home-

When we got home, Andy collapsed on the couch in his suit.
"Damn, somebody kill me," he muttered. I bit my lip and walked over. I kissed the top of his head and trotted upstairs. I changed into one of Andy's shirts and went back downstairs with a pair of black sweats in my hand for my boyfriend.
"Here babe," I said quietly and placed the pants on his chest. He opened his eyes and looked at me.
"Thanks," he sighed.
I watched him change out of his suit and pull on the sweats. He sat back down on the couch and pulled me down into his lap. I smiled and asked, "Are you hungry? What do you want for dinner?"
"Nah, I don't really want anything. I kind of just want to go lay down. Will you make me a cup of coffee and some cookies, though?" he asked, poking out his bottom lip.
I pushed his lip back in his mouth and pressed my lips to his muttering, "Of course."
Andy pulled away and I walked into the kitchen as he walked upstairs to the bedroom. The coffee didn't take long to make. It was just the cookies that took time, but I eventually finished. I sat all twenty cookies on a plate. Andy had always liked his cookies not all the way cooked in the middle so they'd still be soft. I tried not to get the gooey chocolate on me. I poured him a cup of coffee, added some sugar, and walked upstairs.
I pushed open the bedroom door and saw Andy sprawled out on the couch. I smiled and sat his food on the coffee table in front of the leather sofa. Andy's eyes lit up and I went to my sketchbook to finish a drawing I'd been working on for days now in my free time. I occasionally glanced up at Andy who was staring at me.
"Draw me like one of your French girls," Andy said in a high-pitched, not even close to feminine voice. I laughed as he readjusted himself on the couch. He smiled at me and the cookie he'd been holding between his teeth fell and he tried to say 'fuck' while holding his smile but, ended up laughing.
"I love you, dumbass," I laughed.
"I love you," he smiled back.