Broken Wings

Chapter 13

"How come you're so self-conscious about your legs?" I stop floating and straighten so I can look at him. Something in his eyes always seems to weaken me, but I'm naturally stubborn so I acts as a counterbalance. "Because I look like a fire mutt and though I act like I don't I care what people think, I do. Its ugly and showing it shows how truly ugly I am inside and out." I look down and we sit in silence, I look up again when Peeta moves in the water as he goes down under the water. When he comes up he has removed his shirt and I see his torso that has marks of burns from the fire, the same ones that riddle my skin. But that isn't what I'm looking at. I put my hand gently on his chest and touch some pock marks that show on his healthily taught skin.

"They are the scars of the Jacker Serum." He whispers, taking my gaze from the marks to his eyes. The crystal blues hold deep pain as if he says it any louder, he'll cry. I look down again and this time I see what can only be marks from restraint belts tied on to tight and further breakage of the skin from the iron flesh of his taught muscles. Peeta caresses my cheek, and I feel as a tear falls down my face. He leans forward and kisses my forehead, making my skin tingle, and asks quietly in my ear, "Do you think I'm ugly?" I sniff and shake my head, starting to cry.

Wrapping my arms around his neck, locking him into an embrace, I answer in a whimper "How could anyone one think you're ugly Peeta? You are the most beautiful person I know." He lets a 'Hmm' escape him and his strong steady arms wrap around me in and instant spreading a different kind of warmth through me. Who in their right mind would ever want to hurt such a good person. "Then how in the world, do you think you are ugly?" I put my head deeper into the crook of his neck and smile, "you could live a hundred lifetimes and never deserve that boy." Haymitch is right, but I'm glad he still sticks around. I probably wouldn't be here if it weren't for Peeta, and for moments like this I'm glad that I am.

We spend the rest of the day playing in and out of the water, just two kids that grew up to fast. By the late afternoon we are sitting on the bank watching the birds gather in the trees, Peeta who sits angled a little in front of me is resting his weight on his arms with his legs straight. His hair, still wet from the last dunking, falls in dripping locks over his forehead. Some drops gather in his temples until their banks burst sending the water down his face only to fall off his defined jaw. My gaze travels down to his nose, when he is angry, he flares his nostrils, but that isn't something that happens often with him being so mild. Next, I move to his mouth. The very one that can spill words of honey or calm a delusional girl with reason unseen without him and cause the strangest tingle that sets my skin ablaze, something I didn't know until today. Now, his shoulders, strong from use as if he regularly holds the wait of the world. Peeta has always been strong with a stocky build, during the worst of times his muscle tone was gone, showing just another way the Capital stole who he was, but now the tone is coming back now. Finally, I meet his eyes with the soft blue that can both melt through you and calm your inner storm. But much like the rest of him, marks of hurt and battles from both inside and out of the marked beholder, a constant reminder that he got hurt. That I hurt him. These thoughts run through my head as blue catches the grey glance. He smirks and bounces his eyebrows at me, making me blush. I roll my eyes "When did you learn to swim?"

"While I was in the capital before they let me back here. Annie was in the same ward as me and when she heard that I didn't know how to swim she asked if she could teach me. Once the doctors gave the permission the lessons began, I think it was some sought of therapy for her. The lessons helped her calm down and I didn't mind it either. They were a pleasant break from the numerous doctors drilling everything from questions to food into me. The lessons gave me a chance to be... free. Well, free as one can be when they're confused whether to turn the knife towards or away from the Mockingjay." He says this so casually, like it doesn't faze him. This could just be because he is a stronger person than me, which he always has been, but one thing I don't understand is how well Peeta can move on from such a traumatic confusion on the brain. Sure, he struggles with memorises and seemingly that's all or at least that's what he wants me to think, but something doesn't add up. Peeta is amazing. From his strength both physical and emotional to the kindness of his heart. But he isn't super-human even his patients runs out, his tether may be long, but it isn't infinite. So how did he go from someone ready to kill me to someone who is my rock at times? I try and try but it doesn't make sense. How?

"How what?" He repeats what I must have said the last part out loud.

"Nothing, I was just thinking" I say quickly hoping to drop it. I don't know why but asking him these questions feels like an invasion of his privacy.

"No, it isn't nothing, so, what is it?" He isn't dropping it so now I can either tell the truth or lie. "How do you..." What is it? "Do..." I look around for any inspiration and only find one "you get berry stains out of clothes?" I spit out. He starts chuckling "I don't know."

"What's so funny about that, huh?" I say, crossing my arms, making him laugh harder.

"You are a terrible lair. I thought I'd give you a chance to find a good one but you're just that bad! I mean you didn't care enough about that when you squashed the black berries trying to find a lie." He says grabbing my hand, swiping some berry juice with his finger and sucking it. "By the way stop ruining them I wanted to try make a pie."

"Oh, whatever." He just smiles and lets it go.

We decided to go home shortly after that because it was getting late. I haven't been back in the woods often enough recently and I don't feel as comfortable trying to protect myself in the dark let alone Peeta as well. The walk back is peaceful, with a silence that doesn't need to be filled. Each of us content with the others company and the stars, so bright we don't stumble even now when the sun is completely gone. When we get to the meadow, I stop I'm my tracks and look up at their iridescent faces, shining so bright as though they have never seen harm and where as innocent as an 18-month-old giggling at the world. I took a different route to avoid the mass burial site, and we end up on a part of the meadow where the grass is lush and thick. I lay down on it now, staring out at the canopy of lights above, watching the lights dance and some race across the night sky. There are few things as stunning as the night sky. I have always been calmed by the outdoors, more so by the night sky is almost enough to make me unconditionally happy, causing my face to show a smile I can usually hide.

"Katniss?" Peeta calls, I'm lying in the shadow of a distant tree so seeing me would be more difficult if you hadn't seen me get down. "Here." I callout without changing my sights. I hear him walk up to me and stop by my side. "Beautiful just beautiful." I shift my gaze and look at his silver self in the moon light and see he isn't talking about the stars but me. I look at him quizzically to which he responds, "Your eyes they are stunning." The possibility of him flirting with me isn't lost on me and I blush so hard my checks are hot. I sincerely hope he doesn't notice but I know he does, he just smiles and lays down next to me just barely touching. The night isn't hot or cold just purely pleasant, so we lie there down on the grass. At one point we start talking about nothing and everything at the same time. We talk about things that we like, things we don't, stuff from school and everything prior to our meeting. I even open up about Gale and why he used to call me Catnip. Just like every other time by the end of this we have tears in our eyes, but unlike the other times, other than the permanent underlying sadness we have, we are happy and almost content. And it's with this feeling that I fall asleep, a long peaceful sleep of which I can't remember the last sleep this well.