Broken Wings

Chapter 38

Peeta sighs and looks down at my question, causing me to instantly apologize. This is his time to share what he wants. "No, no. it's okay." I go silent.

"I was ashamed that that little bit of physical touch from you would set me off so strongly." I'm about to try and comfort him, but as I open my mouth his words stop me. "I was also scared. I was scared that you would witness an attack, or worse still be a victim to one, and I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't risk hurting you more than you already were. I knew the toll Prim's death had on you. I just... I just didn't want to hurt you again. Besides you seemed to be doing okay, with the cleaning and all. I kept telling myself you were perfectly fine and didn't need help. I knew that wasn't right. I knew that I was just doing it because I felt guilty. It wasn't right and I'm sorry. But I continued my self-pity and drowned deeper and deeper every day, too scared to crack because crack would let the darkness win."

"Then I came in about a month later and you looked... well you looked hurt. And it was then that I realised how selfish I was being. Even then I probably should have left when you told me to, but in all honesty I didn't want too. Weird as it sounds sitting with you in the mornings was the best part of my day." He smiles to himself, as if remembering what it was like, but I don't join him. He may not see how selfish I was being, but I do. How could I have let him suffer so long; I feel my lips curl in disgust at my own actions. His description of drowning in the darkness is awful. I should have done more for him sooner. I should have... "No." what? I zone back into my surroundings and see that he has moved himself onto the couch next to me leaning towards me with a stern look in his eye.

"what?" I ask dumb founded.

"No. don't do this, stop blaming yourself for everything. You helped me more that day than I ever could have hoped for. Katniss look at me." He grabs my face from turning way from him "look at this room, from start to finish. Look how much light has re-entered my life because of you. Since that day forward my life began to look up, and day after day after day, I would grow more and more fond of you. Even when I was hurt by the answers of the 'real or not real's' I knew That it just meant that you were telling me the truth and after being lied to by everyone for so long it was like a breath of fresh air. And when you'd tease me or call me stupid or even frustrate the crap out of me, I knew that I could trust and depend on you. And the icing on the cake was when you'd trust or depend on me as well, because it gave my life meaning as I had hoped I did yours." Peeta's voice is so thick with emotion as he says this. The emotion carries to his eyes as he hold both my face and my gaze, wiping away any tears the leaked from me. the world outside seems to have vanished from both of us as the pitch-black night blocks anything from the outside world. It's only me, him and this room that though is decreasing in temperature, was thick and comforting. "The day that I knew for sure that I was deeply and solely in love with you was the day you took me to the lake, I mean I liked you more than anyone else, but seeing you enjoy yourself, laugh, and look utterly beautiful despite your flaws..." He closes his eyes while moving his hands down to mine and smiles in deep pleasure of the memory. I begin to wonder how he managed without his medicine that night, and after asking about it, he tells me that the day before while I was getting changed for the lake he had taken put one of his pills in his pocket just in case we got home late. Considering we didn't get home at all, but to him it was worth it to see me so free and happy. "There are many things about you that I have tried to capture on canvas, your eyes that night being one of them, but I can never do you justice."

His blue orbs glisten with the dreaminess his head is caught up in, the utter pleasure he has in me makes me blush, as I think that there is almost no one on earth that I would let talk to me this way. The only other person I didn't mind calling me beautiful was Cinna. But here in this moment of Peeta chuckling a little at my bashful and uncontrollable blush, I know that even Cinna never made me feel so beautiful. Even as he describes how upset he was about my reactions to Haymitch's teasing or the memories of being with him on camera, he traces my hands and lower arms in light and reassuring touches. I feel butterflies in my stomach once again, as he leans back and half sits half lays on the opposite end of the couch