Broken Wings

Chapter 39

I take a breath, "I felt your bandage." It's Peeta's turn to look at me questioningly and I smile a little at him before elaborating. "I was so lost in the feeling of the moment that realising what the ruff texture under my fingers was... well, it all came crashing down inside of me. that bandage was there because of your stupidity. Stupidity I caused just by being me. I was reminded that," I have to clear my throat to stop my voice from breaking. "that I am not good enough for you, something you've only seen once before. That's why I pulled away, that's why it hurt so much when you were fine without me. because while I was joking on sobs every night you were fine!" I'm getting upset again and I'm fed up with crying so I turn to Peeta and say, "I'm so cold, can we go downstairs to the fire?" I don't wait for his reply before im out the door and tripping down the stairs in hopes that the change of location will help me control myself. Peeta isn't far behind me, but im busy trying to save the fire that has burned to coals.

"Katniss, you told me something similar after sharing the story about the snare. You told me that you were the pathetic person I saw before me, but I hope you know that I have never seen you as pathetic, not even when I was confused about who you really where. Then you were a great threat, and now I see you for the person you are. A person that, though may struggle, managed to help change the future and save as many people as possible in the process, no matter the pain. That's not pathetic, that's a strength that many envy." He sits on the couch behind me, and when I have sustainable flame, I join him. "You don't have to believe it, but please accept that I will never, ever, see you as pathetic or the cause of the suffering I underwent in the Capital." He grabs my hand and squeezes my hand as if to say, 'please' to which I nod tearily.

"Good, thank you." He kisses my hand, "I wanted to tell you the same thing that night but you telling me you needed me kind of choked me up, I was speechless. I spent a long while of that night thinking sitting at your counter, when I heard your screams coming from upstairs, I was going to run up to you, and hold and hope you would accept me. but Johanna stepped out of the darkness and stopped me. I wanted to ignore her, but its Johanna and you don't say no to her, especially when she is trying to protect someone close to her."

"why would coming up to me hurt you?" I ask slightly confused.

"No, not me. You. She told me that going up would end up making things worse and I should just leave you alone. She didn't elaborate, and I was going to ignore her and I started walking up at the next set of screams. I didn't get very far though, Johanna kicked me when my leg joins the fake one and I was down for a while. After that she chatted about her life in seven while I tried to clear my head" I want to laugh about the muffins and that being a coping method, but im too caught up in gratitude for Johanna. The truth is if Peeta did come up that night I would have been both confused and upset. "When you got up in the morning I was shoved into the pantry, and I heard you trying to get out of my company, and I knew Johanna was right. When she opened the door, she told me that I was coming no matter how pathetic I was feeling. And as you took the lead, she told me that I needed to stop moping and try again. I told her that it was no use, that you would never let me get close to you again, but Johanna would have none of it." Peeta is lost in his own head again, telling me these things and I looked at the bruise on his face, while listening to him tell me what led him up to this moment.

"It was Johanna who came up with the idea to 'stalk my prey' as she so lovingly put it. I was strictly instructed to ease into a friendship with you and not to use the book as an excuse to come over. I was to come over a few days after she left and begin fixing the mess up my lie had caused. And yes, before you ask yes Johanna did know about the attacks before you told her. You are not the only one who became close friends with Johanna after the Quell, don't forget our cells where joined." I nod, once again. I understand what he is talking about, its exactly what happened when Johanna came, and I told her what how I ended up with a broken arm.