Broken Wings

Chapter 19

Peeta is bigger than I am, being this close to him shows this even more. Looking down at our feet, his on either side of mine giving an example of exactly this. I swear when Peeta came back he was smaller than he is now, but with his health restored from the abuse he has hit a growth spurt and hit it hard. Peeta is now a head and shoulders taller than I am and his muscle has completely returned if not more than the boy who was reaped. I must look strange when comforting him in my arms. With his build and stature, he looks as if he could take on the world and he has. He has been through the world and worse, breaking him in the process, yet even with this he is still stronger than I am. He lost more than me, and even with that he still fought hard to fix himself after the war. I just stopped living entirely. I must look pathetic on a daily basis to him, yet he is still here holding me and burring his face in my hair, breathing in my scent. Even if he is just doing this out of pity, he still makes me feel good.

Once Peeta has reassured himself I'm not going to magically grow fangs he lifts his head from my neck and leans it on the wall making us a perfect match in position except for what we are leaning on. Not letting go of me, he brings his hand up and starts fiddling with the pile around my neck. Closing it within his hand he moves it along the chain and bring his fist to his mouth and holds it against his lips. Then all is still, the only motion is the rise and fall of his chest. He isn't breathing heavily like before when he was having an attack, so I know he is just thinking. I also know he is thinking about us in the games, either the Quell or the first one it doesn't matter, he is thinking about them. Whatever or whichever, he is weighing his truths and lies and using them to plan his next move. After a while he move the purl away from his face and fiddles with it in front of me as if to see it better. This goes on for a long time, the silence while the plays with the purl. I watch his hands as he continues, I trace every mark with my eyes knowing that they are soft to the touch. When he takes a heavy breath, I know he has decided that he is going to says something important, so I remain still and wait for him to continue.

"This is the purl I found. Real or not real?" I know he's just asking if this is the purl he found and gave to me, but that's not what he said, and it rubs the wrong way. His emphasis on I makes it sound like he is claiming it when it's mine, he gave it to me and considering I have to say goodbye to him soon I don't want to lose this precious object.

"Real. You had a venom attack earlier, real, or not real?" I shouldn't be doing this, but I am and there is no stopping me now.

"Real. You kept it as token of the person you lost, real or not real?" He says with an edge to his normally smooth voice, he does not like this game we're playing.

"Real. You lied to me about the attacks, real or not real?" I wonder how long this will keep up.

"Not real. You're..."

"You liar!" Oh well, not long. "you told me you were fine, but you are clearly not fine!"

"You're one to talk, just look at your arm!"

"Oh no you don't, don't you dare turn this around on me. This is about you and how you lied." We are both glaring at each other now, both enraged by the other, but I'm done fighting I have been fighting myself all night and I'm tired "You know what fine, be that way. I'm tired and don't want to talk to you about this anymore. Wake me when we can go home." With that being said I pull the coat over most of my body and my head and stay there, still on Peeta's chest but his arms aren't around me this time. I wish they were, because through all of this I still just want to curl up into his arms and stay there until the world comes right again. I know better than to ask though, it would make matters worse. I just hope he thinks I'm staying close because of my foot not because I don't think I could move without crying.