Broken Wings

Chapter 28

 Johanna's train leaves three days later on Sunday morning. Though I didn't expect her to come I'm actually sad to see her go. She seemed a little sad to go and even goes as far as to hug each of us goodbye. As she boarded the train she shouted out "Brainless, just remember not to be closed minded, and say goodbye to the drunk." It confused me a little, but I said I would and then she was gone. Peeta and I walked back in silence, I didn't know what to say to him and I guess he didn't either. After our hands split when Johanna suddenly woke up, I have put on extra caution around Peeta, because I knew the day would come when Johanna would leave and he along with her.

That day came two days ago, meaning today was Tuesday. To distract myself I gather greens and herbs from the woods and help out at Sea's kitchen. Her business is official now and she tries to pay me for my work, but I tell her it's fine. She only agrees to leave it if I take some soup home when I work. I usually give it to Haymitch though, that's not to say I'm starving myself; I still eat. My appetite just hasn't been that great lately. My sleeping habits are getting better as a plus. I discovered that sleeping on my couch helps, I haven't even needed Peeta's scarf. And since Johanna took my knitted scarf home with her, I don't have anything to knit, I could start something new, but so far it isn't necessary.

Walking up my stairs after dropping off some soup to a passed out Haymitch, I let the cat in and walk to the stairs. I see a bit of movement in the kitchen and think nothing of it as I walk past, it's a normal thing for people to be in my kitchen and he was practically raised in a kitchen. Wait... he? Him? I walk backwards to the entrance, and sure enough there sits the blond himself. His broad back is facing me as he is hunched over something in front of him. Whatever it is it's keeping him occupied enough for me to put a way my shoes and go to the restroom before joining in what I know is an inevitable conversation. But I still hesitate in the doorway though, trying to decide whether it would be wrong to make him wait any longer. "I can wait a little longer, just don't make a run for it." He says not looking back and with no joke about him, I suppose it's fair. I do have a tendency to run from my problems, so I say, "I won't" and go upstairs.

As I finish up upstairs, I try processing this turn of events in my mind. He shouldn't be held down by doing tasks for me, but he did arrive on his own accord. Maybe this is why Johanna said stay open minded. I remember them chatting behind my back quite often in the woods, but I thought nothing of it. Maybe she has something to do with this. I don't know, but I can't just ignore him, technically he hasn't done anything wrong. I'm the one with the problem not him. So, I guess I'm just going to have to go down stair and get this over with.

I enter the kitchen just as he finishes serving and take my plate, I mumble a thank you and fetch us some cutlery. Once seated we eat in silence the delicious meal he has prepared, so delicious a sigh escapes me with the first bite. It is some duck, if I taste right, in a gravy made with fruit on top of a steaming serving of rice. I try pace myself, but I haven't been eating a lot the past few days and I am starving. Before I know it my plate is finished and I go to serve myself some more, I have some in my mouth before I even sit down. Peeta sees this and lets out a breathy laugh, "Good?" he asks, and I nod with a sheepish smile.

After dinner, Peeta washes while I dry. As I out the last dish away I brace myself for turning around to an empty kitchen, so closing my eyes I turn around. When I open them again, I see him putting on the kettle and preparing two cups of tea, causing me to release a breath I didn't know I was holding. I know he notices but he just smiles to himself a little and continues with what he was doing. As soon as the tea is made, he picks up both mugs and heads towards the lounge. Maybe he wants to work on the book? That would explain why he has come over tonight. The importance of our project has been something both of us have agreed on from the start, and it seems even up till now.

"You, coming?" he shouts, pulling me from my thoughts and I move to what has become my bedroom. There aren't clothes laying anywhere, and the only thing showing that I have been sleeping in here is the pillow I brought down from upstairs... and his scarf. It helps me in some way unknown to me, I want to say it's the softness or the warmth due to the increasing number of cool nights, but those are a miniscule reason compared to the comfort I have knowing I has something that belongs to the boy with the bread. I hate how much I need that comfort. I've gone from an independent person comforting my sister and providing for my house, to someone who me fall apart if the person comforting her leaves. I hate it. I hate how selfish I am, and now Peeta is sitting in the very spot of my guilt.

Rummaging through the book supplies, I look for something, anything, to divert the raging thoughts inside my head. When once again his voice stops me. "What are you doing?" I sigh and look up to see him looking right back at me with a quizzical gaze.

"Aren't you..." I clear my throat, "aren't you here for the book?" That is probably the first time I have used my voice since I told him I won't run away.

"No," he shakes his head slightly. "I thought we were taking a break from it. I was just having my tea." His tone makes it sound like the most obvious thing in the world as he pats the chair next to him, motioning for me to join him, but it is actually far from the truth. Why is he here? What made him come over here of places, to have dinner? I didn't ask him to come so why is he? All these thoughts go through my mind as I hesitantly sit and have my tea next to him. I remember that I had a similar situation a couple of months ago, when Peeta and had first come back.

"You don't hate me?" I ask stupidly. "No, I'm just... just so confused." Confused because of his memories of us, of me. Peeta's memories have gotten much better because of our work on the book, and I have to really think to find when he last asked a 'real or not real' or struggled with a memory. The last time was probably the morning in the meadow when we had woken up curled up together. Peeta's memory was of the morning before we went hunting, but that wasn't the last game of 'real or not real', that happened in the woods. His questions asked if I was upset with the person who returned from the war. "Cut it out Haymitch, you know that wouldn't happen better than anyone." Peeta's annoyed voice comes back to me, he had been replying to Haymitch's insinuation of a make-out session between Peeta and I. He sounded upset that it didn't happen and then later he blew up at me saying that it must have been awful to have to deal with him. Then I tried to kiss him in the woods, probably would have if he hadn't had that attack. I tried to kiss him, and when he reinitiated it, I went along, that is until I remembered why I shouldn't and pulled away suddenly. Yes, confused is definitely what Peeta is. Every time that we get closer, I pull away suddenly. No wander Peeta only returned kicking and screaming as Johanna had his ear. Peeta has told me that he has the pleasure of knowing me, I personally don't understand it, but that's what he thinks. Maybe, he really has regained his love for me. The thought lifts my spirits, I know I can never tell him how I feel, but maybe he will still want to be friends. This way I don't have to cut him off, hurting both him and I, and he can move on from me like he should.

Finally, for the first time tonight, I smile and look straight at Peeta, "Dinner was delicious thank you, cooking with one arm is harder than I thought." He sees my smile and give a small genuine one in return. "You're welcome. I hate eating alone, so..." he takes a deep breath like he is scared of what my reaction will, "...would you mind if I do it again?" my smile grows.

"I would love that; we can make it part of our routine." I laugh a little and add "you know how much Dr. Aurelias loves routines." When I look back at Peeta his full gaze is on me, and he is grinning a full and happy grin as he says "Yes, yes he does."