Broken Wings

Chapter 27

I'm sitting on my couch leaning against Peeta, and we are watching a television show about Johanna returning home after being missing for two weeks. It makes me laugh because of the smirk on her face getting off the train. I seem to be in a fantastic mood because I'm so relieved that even though Johanna has gone home Peeta still came this morning. After the news segment is done Peeta turns off the tv and laughs a little "She knows how to annoy people, particularly her doctors." I nod still laughing it feels good to laugh with Peeta, it makes me feel braver than I really am as I lean forward and kiss him. It's a soft and lingering kiss and as I pull away, I whisper, "I love you.". But something is off, something tells me that I won't like what I see when I pull away slowly and look him in his eyes. Before I even get a chance to open my eyes again, he lets a sound on pure disgust from his throat as he pushes me forcefully off of him. "Yuck!" he says wiping his mouth with his sleeve, "what did I ever do to deserve that?" he lets out as he get up to leave, causing a massive lump in my throat as the rejection threatens to choke me. I should run but I can't seem to move so let out a broken babble "I thought you loved me." this freezes him in his tracks, and he turns to face me with a grimmes on his face. "How could I ever love someone as disgusting and selfish as you?" he says with disdain, but that hasn't broken me down enough, clearly, because he doesn't stop there "No wonder your sister died, she probably just wanted to be away from you." With that he leaves slamming the door behind him.

I wake up sobbing so hard I can't breathe. For the first time I feel suffocated by Peeta's scarf being even near me and I throw it off the bed, I'm about to throw it out the window but think the better of it and crumble to the floor folding it once again. I want it to not hurt so badly, but I feel as if Peeta himself has stabbed me in the heart. I think this hurts more than actually be stabbed because I don't calm down for an hour.

When my breath finally does calm down to something similar to normality, I look at the clock and see that it reads 6:34, meaning that with the nightmare I still slept most the night. I go a and take a shower hoping to erase the evidence of the night for my sake and the chance Peeta comes down for breakfast after all. But coming downstairs I see that I wouldn't have to worry about that anyway because only Johanna is at the counter, "Bread boy made muffins." She says with half mouth full of one of the so-called muffins. I just hum in reply, I don't really feel like talking, I'm to numb. She just rolls her eyes. I need to get out of this house without Johanna chasing me, so I guess I'll have to bring her with. The only place I want to be right now is the woods and not come back until I have to. I'll have to proactively the topic quickly because I told Peeta I'd get him out of today. Since Johanna doesn't have more than three or so days left here, I use that as my excuse. Pulling my hunting bag out of the cupboard I start to fill it up with the muffins and other snacks Peeta has brought over with him over the last few days.

"Since you're going soon, I thought I'd show you the lake." I say filling up some water bottles.

"Good idea. I'll go get Peeta."

"No!" I mentally kick myself for the outburst and start again with a scowling audience. "Peeta said that he wasn't feeling well last night." Lie. "He asked if we could handle a day without him, and I said that would be fine so. He probably wouldn't want to come anyway."

"Lier. You're the one that doesn't want him to come."

"That's not true..."

"Yes, it is." She cuts me off, "You've been against him being here since the start." This makes me a very and I slam down the bottle I was holding. "We'll it's not like he was super excited by the idea of being around me either! And anyway, I never said I didn't want him to come did I?" She and I just glare at each other "If you still want to come you might want to change into something you don't mind getting wet." I say and head upstairs to change myself.

I don't hear her open the front door, so I assume she's dropped the topic letting my numb feeling gain control over the anger once again and I go through the basic motions of getting changed. When I go downstairs to look for my boots she is changed and waiting in the kitchen. "Great, just let me find my boots." But when I turn around my stomach churns and twists into at-least twenty knots as Peeta, looking guilty, hands me my shoes. My dream starts replaying in my head and I feel anger, shock, and hurt all course though me. "Turns out he did want to come." Johanna's life comes from behind me, but I'm frozen within the gaze of the eyes that held such disgust at the admission of my love. "Isn't that what you wanted?" She asks and so does his eyes. "Yeah, that sounds ...good." I say in that formal tone my voice takes when I'm trying to hide emotion. Peeta knows this but Johanna cuts him off before he can back out. "Great, put on your boots and let's go."

Begrudgingly I lead the way a few paces ahead and try desperately put myself in that feeling of nothingness. The task becomes immensely easier the second I enter the safety of the woods, my safe haven. I can hear them behind me have some kind of conversation, but I drown them out and focus on the sounds of the birds and the breeze in the trees. By the halfway mark my foot hurts, but not enough for me to care that much. We stop anyway though, because Peeta claims that he needs a break. Considering he didn't the last time we came, I think he has either weakened, or noticed my gate being slightly louder than before. I want that to mean something, but when he starts rubbing his bad leg with a distant look on his face, I know he really does need a break. I swallow what little hope my heart can never seem to drop and let the logic of my brain take over once again. "Aren't you just a little ray of sunshine." Mutters Johanna but I just ignore her.

An hour later we come out of the woods and into the clearing the surrounds the lake. Thanks to last night's spur of the moment share session, I can almost see my dad jumping of the ledge into the water. My mother always did hate that always saying, "And if you don't jump far enough?" to which he would always reply with a kiss to her lips "At least I'll go out with a view." It happened a couple of trips until a kiss before the first jump became tradition. The memory makes me a little happier and I decide not to waist today, summer will be over sooner than you know it anyway. Since I can't wear my jacket with the cast, nor long sleeves I've just got to take off my pants and I'll be ready. I did bring some shorts with a quick drying fabric for a little extra coverage though, so as I put them Johanna throws her shirt and pants aside and joins me at the ledge. When she sees the drop she hesitates though, but not to stop herself. "You shouldn't jump with that cast by yourself the impact will hurt you." I know she's right and I glare at my arm like it's done something wrong. She just laughs and wraps her arms around me and starts counting back from ten while backing up from the edge a bit. At one we run sideway and leap into the water, both screaming a little and both protecting my arm upon impact. We come up laughing with adrenalin and swim away from the impact zone as Peeta asks from the top. From that point the end of an hour and a bit we all play, jump, swim and even have splash competitions that I judge from the side when I get a little tired from swimming with one arm.

We finely stop for lunch Johanna lays on the ground on her back and I join her eating my third cheese bun. I gaze up at the sky and point upward and say "Hey, that one looks like a cloud." That gets a snicker from Johanna as Peeta lays down. "Actually, it looks a little like a mouse." He says and begins to point out rabbits, suns, strange made up on the stop animals and all thing ridiculous that make me laugh. Eventually we hear a faint snore and begin to laugh at the person knocked out next to me. trying not to wake her Peeta and just lay in silence, looking up into the sky. I consider following in Johanna's footsteps when I feel a hesitant hand slide into mine and I freeze. I think about trying convince myself that its Johanna but that is ridiculous considering she is on my right meaning she would have to grab my cast and let's face it her hand is small and slender. This hand I larger than mine and warm. I want to pull away by I can't seem to, so I lay there not rejecting and not accepting. I hesitantly look down at our hands, fitting together like pieces of a puzzle, and move my gaze slowly up the muscly arm only to see that his gaze is distant into the sky. Maybe he hasn't noticed, though that thought is also absurd. Once again, I'm court trying to make the right decision where it comes to Peeta. Do I accept or reject? My mind is buzzing thinking it's a bad idea, but my hand closes anyway as if it has a mind of its own.